Jealous of everybody that has the courage to go through with it

[Exhausted546]

Today was my hard deadline, I woke up and heard my dad leave , knew I had to act quick cause I only had an hour. Ended up feeling rushed and tired,felt paralyzed. A few hours prior I was ready to do it but after I fell asleep it's like my brain hit a reset and needed to mentally prepare myself again.

The hour passed,I didn't act,I missed the opportunity,my dad came back. It's so difficult to be mentally ready when an opportunity shows itself. I had more ease with PSH but FSH feels like a different beast altogether, it feels alot more violent. I slipped off the chair once when the noise was around my neck just to test it out, it def gave me a rope burn. The noose was low enough so that I could find something to stand on but I guess that scared me off FSH a bit.

Wish I could find a way to increase the success rate of PSH cause it doesn't seem nearly as intimidating as FSH

Is that what people call survival instinct? Or is it simply chickening out?

 

[Realog11]

Yeah I also wish we could see the accounts of people who ctb in the past

 

[U. A.]

Don't mistake courage for unbearable agony.

 

[sanctionedusage]

Don't mistake courage for unbearable agony.

nah it's courage. "unbearable" is obviously extremely relative. but even in someone's true "unbearable," SI prevails.

 

[WallTermite]

Yeah, I'm also jealous of people who have access to SN.

I have tried giving myself commotio cordis, but I think that shi won't work.

 

[PopcornCrew24]

I read your last 2 posts just ~1 hour ago. I really wished you the best. Im sorry for you and hope you will be able to find your peace. Huggies

 

[OnMyLast Legs]

@Exhausted546 wow, my method is also FSH and my dad also left for a bit this morning. I'm so completely burned out. I can't do the smallest task. I never thought this hell was possible. I thought I could do it before life got this bad.

 

[Exhausted546]

@Exhausted546 wow, my method is also FSH and my dad also left for a bit this morning. I'm so completely burned out. I can't do the smallest task. I never thought this hell was possible. I thought I could do it before life got this bad.

Theres moments im ready to do it but when I have these moments,I'm not home alone, it's annoying.
Although I did learn that I was using the wrong knot somehow so I'll have to practice the right one at least.
Aside from that I feel like I should stop overthinking,it makes things much more complicated than they are. Right before I got out in psych ward I had watched several vids of FSH, it seemed so simple, not brutal at all. I guess I should watch some more again so I stop chickening out of it

 

[U. A.]

"unbearable" is obviously extremely relative. but even in someone's true "unbearable," SI prevails.

There is zero relativity regarding "unbearable" when it comes to trying to kill oneself. If being alive cannot be tolerated by one not being physically prevented from making an attempt at suicide, one makes an attempt.

 

[sanctionedusage]

There is zero relativity regarding "unbearable" when it comes to trying to kill oneself. If being alive cannot be tolerated by one not being physically prevented from making an attempt at suicide, one makes an attempt.

how can you possibly disagree that what one person considers unbearable might be a slightly more manageable state for someone else? lmao

at this point youre just arguing it's only truly unbearable because you end up attempting. unbearableness of someones agony is not defined by committing to an attempt or not. rather, committing to an attempt has way more to do with accessibility than someone's level of agony, unbearable or not.

 

[OnMyLast Legs]

Theres moments im ready to do it but when I have these moments,I'm not home alone, it's annoying.
Although I did learn that I was using the wrong knot somehow so I'll have to practice the right one at least.
Aside from that I feel like I should stop overthinking,it makes things much more complicated than they are. Right before I got out in psych ward I had watched several vids of FSH, it seemed so simple, not brutal at all. I guess I should watch some more again so I stop chickening out of it

The videos are encouraging. You set it up right and you're out almost instantly.

 

[Exhausted546]

The videos are encouraging. You set it up right and you're out almost instantly.

Yeah I believe im gonna watch some just to remove the fear

 

[OnMyLast Legs]

Sorry if this isn't the thread...

I'm playing around with partial right now and it seems impossible. How do the celebrities do it?

If I'm gonna hang I have to go all the way.

 

[softlysavage79]

The videos are encouraging. You set it up right and you're out almost instantly.

Can't say as I even know where to watch these videos, but it would probably be reassuring.

 

[Exhausted546]

Sorry if this isn't the thread...

I'm playing around with partial right now and it seems impossible. How do the celebrities do it?

If I'm gonna hang I have to go all the way.

No go ahead and post whatever you'd like. Some people say they lose consciousness with partial then wake up later due to the pressure being off after they lose consciousness. It's pretty hard

Can't say as I even know where to watch these videos, but it would probably be reassuring.

There was a thread with videos on here

 

[Exhausted546]

I'm starting to feel the courage to do it again. It'd have to be outside in the middle of the night. It's so cold outside tho , I have no clue where I'd do it. There's so much snow everywhere, i'd have to walk quite some time to get to the regional park

Maybe I could try and find a small park. In fact there's a tiny park 4-5 mins away from my house

My question is: would it make the news if I was found hanging in public? Last thing I'd want