I’VE TRIED EVERYTHING! What else can I do???

[DeletedUser4739]

I'm from the uk to after an attempt a month ago my mates dragged me to a&e all they did was sit me in the waiting room for hours and hours and told me I'll get help but I ended up walking out after the 13th hour haven't heard anything since it's a disgrace

That had to be devastating for you and your mates. In the US, you would have waited 72 hours, been forced to disrobe and put on used underwear that belonged to who knows how many other bums before yours. It's torture from the inside and outside once you're on forced lockdown. The system is broken everywhere. Even Switzerland has an insanely high suicide rate, and they're oftentimes statistically the "happiest" people in the world with some of the best access to healthcare. FUNDAMENTALLY BROKEN SYSTEMS CREATE FUNDAMENTALLY BROKEN PEOPLE. Nevertheless, we'll keep jamming square pegs into round holes as long as there's funding for it.

 

[Eden2k]

I remember messaging about this with you when I first joined the site this summer. What's really ironic these days is the crisis center doesn't want me. After several times of forced hospitalization with zero treatment, I've turned their intake interview around. I'm more trouble than I'm worth to them these days. Somehow my insanity is allowing me bizarre moments of control and clarity right now. I cooperate while there, but I remember everyone, what they did and when. Like the nurse who decided unilaterally to take me off of levothyroxin, a thyroid replacement hormone I'd been on without issue for decades. It is also critical to the health of nearly every cell in the human body and when out of balance causes anxiety and confusion, among other things. I have made sure my experiences with each agency are documented. While most of this is an exercise in futility, I get some relief from writing it out, and a little hope from what may come of it if I am one day successful in ending my own life.

I too get relief by documenting my experiences of different mental health services. I contacted my local newspaper today to tell them my first hand experiences of shit treatment from the mental health services in my area. I see this as a way of telling as many people as possible about mental suffering and appalling treatment at the hands of these so called mental health professionals. I do not intend to leave a note when it is my time, explaining my reasons. Hopefully, if my story is printed in the newspaper and then after I ctb, the article will be enough.

 

[DeletedUser4739]

I too get relief by documenting my experiences of different mental health services. I contacted my local newspaper today to tell them my first hand experiences of shit treatment from the mental health services in my area. I see this as a way of telling as many people as possible about mental suffering and appalling treatment at the hands of these so called mental health professionals. I do not intend to leave a note when it is my time, explaining my reasons. Hopefully, if my story is printed in the newspaper and then after I ctb, the article will be enough.

I am a no note person as well. Oh, I like that you submitted it to a local paper. May you get a journalist with what's needed to bring more of what so many of us are experiencing around the globe. Have you heard anything back?

I have all this information, but cannot organize it. Notebooks, records, reports, strips of paper. Notes upon notes in the margins of books I smuggled out of "healthcare" facilities and jail. All the posts I've made publicly on the internet. The frankness in my reporting to everybody (except the pigs), is something I hope amounts to something.

The sad reality is, few people care about this, and even fewer for the genuine good of humanity. To anyone who reads my words here, Thank you.

 

[Shewaitsforme]

Im in the UK aswel. I think mental health services depends on where you are. Ive been admitted to hospital twice since august, had mental health hone team visut me every other day for two weeks. My GP makes me come in once a week.

They were trying to keep me in hospital but i managed to convince them to discharge me after 5weeks. Strange they are like that with you because i know if i called the crisis team now and told them of my plans id be sectioned within the hour. Do they not think your serious maybe?

 

[Shewaitsforme]

If your ok with gojng back into hospital maybe got A&E say your going to kill yourself, cant keep yourself safe tonight. Tell them of the plans, make it detailed ie method, day. They will have to get you accessed that night.

 

[WhoStevik]

I'm on ketamine (prescribed) and it's all that helps me. It helps with my impulsiveness when it comes to ctb and obsessing about it . Adderall also helps me get off my ass. I wish everyone could try ketamine. Hopefully someday it will be considered a treatment for all.

Hey, can u tell me how effective is ketamine for depression? I think it's not allowed in my country, and I'm sure never will be (at least in 20 or 30 years)... I really want to put my hand in some K, I'd like to abuse this (I'm a piece of shit drug user) sorry, but I want to know how effective can be... I only read about it, never meet anyone who tried, and I try a lot of antidepressants. Now I'm on amitriptyline a few years, don't work for suicidal state of mind, but helps a little to sleep and with anxiety... Just a little bit...
Ketamine is an NMDA antagonist, I love NMDA antagonists but the only one I had experienced now is DXM. For me it has antidepressants properties but I don't think is due to NMDA antagonism and yes the SSRI action.

 

[Fucking loving it]

It doesn't help a whole lot with depression. It helps with the impulsive suicidal thoughts. It's really changed a lot for me. The intensity is much less.

 

[WhoStevik]

It doesn't help a whole lot with depression. It helps with the impulsive suicidal thoughts. It's really changed a lot for me. The intensity is much less.

Is good enough to me. Not to think about suicide everyday, cry, try, cry, try, cry, try... Oh, I will try again. Thank you.

 

[Fucking loving it]

Is good enough to me. Not to think about suicide everyday, cry, try, cry, try, cry, try... Oh, I will try again. Thank you.

And it feels great

 

[Eden2k]

Im in the UK aswel. I think mental health services depends on where you are. Ive been admitted to hospital twice since august, had mental health hone team visut me every other day for two weeks. My GP makes me come in once a week.

They were trying to keep me in hospital but i managed to convince them to discharge me after 5weeks. Strange they are like that with you because i know if i called the crisis team now and told them of my plans id be sectioned within the hour. Do they not think your serious maybe?

I've been under the mental health home treatment team before. Never had them come to my home (personal choice) I'm high functioning, regardless of how depressed I am. I don't want others (loved ones) to know how I'm not coping, so put on a mask that everything is fine My problem is I tend not to open up fully as to how I'm truly feeling, for fear of ending back in hospital. I don't want to feel weak and feel that way when asking for help. The last time I was under the home treatment team, (this year) I was under them for 10-months, I decided that I would try to be as open as possible, but found this extremely difficult. Pride I guess. I hate asking for help when I struggle to help myself. It sounds like you are comfortable to be open with the mental health team. I have never been. I've never had much faith in them. But if I'm desperate, where I know there is a chance that I may do something to myself, that is irreversible, then I will ask for support. Unfortunately, I have had the misfortune of dealing with some really incompetent staff. I do not have much contact with services, as I try to manage as best I can, even when I may have needed to be placed somewhere safe (hospital) I present myself well, for the most part. Because of this I'm told that I look really well, presentable, educated, smell nice (wtf) Again this is because I don't want to look like someone who is mentally unwell. Yes I'm ashamed to have a mental illness. Before exhibiting symptoms 9-years ago, I had a well paid job. I was classed as a young professional. Independent, sociable, happy, loving life, could see a great future. To go from that to someone that has a melt-down when the self-service machine, at my local supermarket, plays up is a bag of crap.
Basically, certain mental health services/staff that I have dealt with over the last 9-years, know my history, know that I struggle to be the patient, know that I really struggle to ask for help, so know that when I do, I'm not fucking about. Maybe if I wasn't so stubborn, proud, ashamed. I don't know. What I do know is, because of this, when I am saying, "look I'm not coping, I've made plans to ctb, which I have been trying to avoid, I need help". I shouldn't be fobbed off and told to call back in a week if I still feel this way, by someone who can't be bothered to look on their computer to get a brief overview of my history. Maybe I should look unkempt, self-harm, just generally look on the outside the way I feel on the inside, (a total car wreak, a ghost, weak, a fucking failure) To be told over the phone, by a mental health member of staff, that I shouldn't rely too much on medication, then realises his mistake. I hate meds and haven't always been compliant, due to hating the fact that I have a mental illness and have always struggled to fully accept my "label". It shouldn't had to have gotten to this point that I have now made plans to ctb because I don't fit the image of someone who is in crisis.

 

[Shewaitsforme]

@Eden2k we are very similar. No ive nit opened up to anyone before last week. First tine i was admitted i lied all the time saying i was fine, second time i lied but it took 5 weeks for them to realise they wernt going to get anywhere with me. Lied to the home team so they discharged me amd now its just my GP i see but if i dont show up she will get me sectioned again.

Im very high functioning also, i actully work for the NHS treating patients half the day and driving the ambulance yhe other half. My place is tidy, i wash. To everyone i seem normal. I dont want to be seen as vunerable but im sick of lying pretending im ok. Well i was doing ok but since coming out of hospital ive not been allowed to return to work due to work havibg been been informed as i was taken in via ambulance (yep 2 people i work with took me to be sectioned) next day i came out my mum rang and id taken too many sleeping tablets, she rang the ambulance, police, so yep again 2 of my collegues too me in to AnE.

So basically i cant lie anymore, my mental state is getting worse, you can only function for so long till you just cant anymore.

 

[Eden2k]

@Eden2k we are very similar. No ive nit opened up to anyone before last week. First tine i was admitted i lied all the time saying i was fine, second time i lied but it took 5 weeks for them to realise they wernt going to get anywhere with me. Lied to the home team so they discharged me amd now its just my GP i see but if i dont show up she will get me sectioned again.

Im very high functioning also, i actully work for the NHS treating patients half the day and driving the ambulance yhe other half. My place is tidy, i wash. To everyone i seem normal. I dont want to be seen as vunerable but im sick of lying pretending im ok. Well i was doing ok but since coming out of hospital ive not been allowed to return to work due to work havibg been been informed as i was taken in via ambulance (yep 2 people i work with took me to be sectioned) next day i came out my mum rang and id taken too many sleeping tablets, she rang the ambulance, police, so yep again 2 of my collegues too me in to AnE.

So basically i cant lie anymore, my mental state is getting worse, you can only function for so long till you just cant anymore.

I can relate completely. I was an offender manager for the probation service. Loved my job and I was good at it until mental illness took over. Started hearing voices, telling me to harm myself. I didn't tell anyone at this point, thought I could manage, until I gave into the "voices" at work of all places. I was just too exhausted to ignore them anymore. I went into the ladies toilets at work, took out a medical scalpel that I had hidden in my pocket and cut my wrists open. Not a pretty sight for the work colleagues who found me. Ambulance called, taken to hospital, treated for injuries. Passed on to home treatment team. Didn't engage well with them at all. Never really have. Despite wanting too if truth be told. When I returned to work after the weekend. Stupid I know. Most of my work colleagues wouldn't even look at me, never mind talk to me. Took some time off. Things were never the same again at work. I could only imagine what was said about me when I was out of earshot. Tried to hold my head high throughout but never got over that event. You are right when you say you can only function for so long until you just can't anymore. I'm at that point or beyond that point. Arrgghhh!!!