I’ve scared myself out of feeling loved

[UnfeelingVoid]

I'm glad that this post is anonymous, but a recent event that I had taken part in was a very wrong act that has filled me with shame since it happened. At age 18, I had an incident where I knowingly roleplayed online a s* xual scenario with them. I was not thinking of their age and brushed it aside because I thought their writing was rather good and very enjoyable. No pictures of each other, nothing, just characters. The next morning I felt a pant of guilt that grew until I eventually apologized and cut ties with them, blocking them and going to therapy for what I did. I am not attracted to minors in any way (both characters played were adults), yet I now worry that because I did something so terrible without even thinking simply because I was too hormonally charged to act sensibly that I shouldn't be allowed to try and engage in a relationship with anyone in a romantic sense. It might be because I am afraid I will push them to do something uncomfortable or act strangely when I would be aroused. Im still going to therapy and I will continue to do that, but I'm scared if I will be able to live life normally anymore.

You are free to openly speak about this post and say what you want. I really want to know if I'm destined for an empty, loveless life.

 

[UnfeelingVoid]

I can delete this thread if need be, I just wanted to let it out somewhere.

 

[Baron]

I think it's fine, as long as noone gets hurt. And role playing with a minor doesn't mean that you loose common sence when aroused. If you find someone who accepts you, you'll have no reason to feel guilt. Although that is pretty ironic coming from me, the guy who shuts himself in, because he thinks he's a menace to everyone. I don't know if I will ever be able to let myself go, since I cannot imagine anyone accepting me.

 

[UnfeelingVoid]

I think it's fine, as long as noone gets hurt. And role playing with a minor doesn't mean that you loose common sence when aroused. If you find someone who accepts you, you'll have no reason to feel guilt. Although that is pretty ironic coming from me, the guy who shuts himself in, because he thinks he's a menace to everyone. I don't know if I will ever be able to let myself go, since I cannot imagine anyone accepting me.

I guess that makes two of us then. It's just the fact that it was a one off thing, yet I'm now terrified when I feel attracted to anyone, immediately shutting it down by force in my head. I don't think I'm a bad person, but I've made mistakes and it feels like that everyone I know feels that I'be done some awful stuff.