I've reached another level of clarity.

[leavingsoon99]

Today was a good day. I'm making homemade chicken pot pie from scratch... with all roasted white meat chicken. I had a thought today, that led me to achieve even more inner peace with my decision. Until today, I tormented myself with the idea that "if I just give it ONE more try. If I just hustle harder." Then I realized... if my life (at age 42) hasn't become what I wanted it to be by now, it never will." That relieved me of a lot of guilt that I had about perhaps giving up too soon. But you know what? I overcame an abusive mother. I went into business twice. I've helped friends and family to my detriment. I've loved harder than most people are comfortable with. I've given life all of me. I don't owe it any more than I've already given. I'm tired. I'm done playing this warped game. I'm leaving this world knowing that I DID, in fact, give it everything I had. I'm out of gas. I don't have the energy to keep trying to connect with humans, when I've spent most of my life trying to do so. I'm done feeling guilty for not being able to spin enthusiasm for life out of thin air. I did the best I could with the resources I had, knowledge I acquired, and support I was given. I don't owe life anything else.

This is how I know I'm doing the right thing.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

All of it sounds very rational to me, well thought out, with deep introspection.

 

[Pluto]

I'm the same age and understand your sentiment. To people who say to push on, I can reply that I've already done that for decades.

 

[FuneralCry]

To me it's really understandable just wishing to be free from this awful world, I don't believe that people should feel guilty for making a decision in which they have every right to make, none of us are obligated to suffer. I wish you the best with your plans.

 

[Das Nichts]

You put into words how I feel in my worst situations.

 

[TAW122]

I've reached similar level of clarity in 2019 when I was just ready to go. Unfortunately I hung on and delayed, which ended up with me experiencing the world during the pandemic and all the events that follow in shitty existence. I've since been at a ready state to go, as soon as the time and circumstance is right for me. I'm at least more than 3 years overdue from my time to go, and hopefully the right time and circumstance will arrive sooner than years ahead.

Anyways, I hope you are able to find peace from your suffering.

 

[pickajack]

Thanks for posting this. And enjoy your potpie-sounds delicious!

 

[The anhedonic one]

Today was a good day. I'm making homemade chicken pot pie from scratch... with all roasted white meat chicken. I had a thought today, that led me to achieve even more inner peace with my decision. Until today, I tormented myself with the idea that "if I just give it ONE more try. If I just hustle harder." Then I realized... if my life (at age 42) hasn't become what I wanted it to be by now, it never will." That relieved me of a lot of guilt that I had about perhaps giving up too soon. But you know what? I overcame an abusive mother. I went into business twice. I've helped friends and family to my detriment. I've loved harder than most people are comfortable with. I've given life all of me. I don't owe it any more than I've already given. I'm tired. I'm done playing this warped game. I'm leaving this world knowing that I DID, in fact, give it everything I had. I'm out of gas. I don't have the energy to keep trying to connect with humans, when I've spent most of my life trying to do so. I'm done feeling guilty for not being able to spin enthusiasm for life out of thin air. I did the best I could with the resources I had, knowledge I acquired, and support I was given. I don't owe life anything else.

This is how I know I'm doing the right thing.

You have just written my life story: I can relate so well to this. 59 years old and at peace with putting myself out of my misery.

I'm the same age and understand your sentiment. To people who say to push on, I can reply that I've already done that for decades.

59 years old. Depressed since age 7.
Reaching 60 will NEVER happen.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I can fully understand your thoughts.

 

[LittleBlackCat]

I understand completely. I have good days lately and I don't feel desperately sad like I used to, but I know I want to ctb and I'm not destined to grow old in this life/body.
I plan to travel next year, after that I will have done what I wanted and there will be no reason to carry on. I'm a little younger than you, I definitely do not plan to reach 45.

 

[jolongone]

Today was a good day. I'm making homemade chicken pot pie from scratch... with all roasted white meat chicken. I had a thought today, that led me to achieve even more inner peace with my decision. Until today, I tormented myself with the idea that "if I just give it ONE more try. If I just hustle harder." Then I realized... if my life (at age 42) hasn't become what I wanted it to be by now, it never will." That relieved me of a lot of guilt that I had about perhaps giving up too soon. But you know what? I overcame an abusive mother. I went into business twice. I've helped friends and family to my detriment. I've loved harder than most people are comfortable with. I've given life all of me. I don't owe it any more than I've already given. I'm tired. I'm done playing this warped game. I'm leaving this world knowing that I DID, in fact, give it everything I had. I'm out of gas. I don't have the energy to keep trying to connect with humans, when I've spent most of my life trying to do so. I'm done feeling guilty for not being able to spin enthusiasm for life out of thin air. I did the best I could with the resources I had, knowledge I acquired, and support I was given. I don't owe life anything else.

This is how I know I'm doing the right thing.

I'm 66 and have lost all connection with this world. Don't understand it and don't want to.
Death will be such a release and l just hope l have the courage when the time is right