Venting I've asked for help so many times and I got ignored

[RatLiker]

I'm a 23 y.o. male, living in Hungary. I have been diagnosed with depression and anxiety at the age of 8, later diagnosed with BPD at around 21. I have expressed my want to die multiple times, both to my family and healthcare professionals, all I've got in return was them locking me up in some ward for months and force feeding me pills, like that's supposed to make you feel better. I am abused at home, my mom's husband is very abusive towards me, and has been for years. Recently I was forced to take on a job that I hate, and it takes up 66 hours of every week, still making minimum wage. I feel like nothing bring me joy anymore, the little time I can spend playing games, talking with friends of being with my family, I do not get any happiness from it anymore. It feels like my soul is already dead, and all that's left is a husk. I recently became an uncle, and so the thought of killing myself feels way harder than it should be. When I brought up my real feelings to my mom, she has said that if I do commit, she will too. It puts me in a weird position and I don't know what to feel/do. I am religious, and I pray to God almost every night, but things don't seem to be getting any better. I am just lost, I feel like I don't even belong in this world.
I have asked for help from an organization that's supposed to help LGBT+ people move and supposedly have a better life, so far I have not gotten an answer. A couple of my friends are already aware of my situation and while not agreeing, they understand why I feel the way I do. I just do not think I can go on like this for much longer.

 

[FuneralCry]

It does seem like any "help" exists to just cause more suffering, to me it's just a scam anyway, none of these people care they just want to profit from suicidal people. But psych wards really do sound like horrific prisons, to me it certainly sounds like a punishment ending up in one. But it's true that existing here in this world certainly can be torture and it sounds like you've suffered so much. Of course it can be so awful and tiring if one is trapped in an existence that they hate and it disgusts me how some people treat others so badly.

 

[leeloosnow]

I'm a 23 y.o. male, living in Hungary. I have been diagnosed with depression and anxiety at the age of 8, later diagnosed with BPD at around 21. I have expressed my want to die multiple times, both to my family and healthcare professionals, all I've got in return was them locking me up in some ward for months and force feeding me pills, like that's supposed to make you feel better. I am abused at home, my mom's husband is very abusive towards me, and has been for years. Recently I was forced to take on a job that I hate, and it takes up 66 hours of every week, still making minimum wage. I feel like nothing bring me joy anymore, the little time I can spend playing games, talking with friends of being with my family, I do not get any happiness from it anymore. It feels like my soul is already dead, and all that's left is a husk. I recently became an uncle, and so the thought of killing myself feels way harder than it should be. When I brought up my real feelings to my mom, she has said that if I do commit, she will too. It puts me in a weird position and I don't know what to feel/do. I am religious, and I pray to God almost every night, but things don't seem to be getting any better. I am just lost, I feel like I don't even belong in this world.
I have asked for help from an organization that's supposed to help LGBT+ people move and supposedly have a better life, so far I have not gotten an answer. A couple of my friends are already aware of my situation and while not agreeing, they understand why I feel the way I do. I just do not think I can go on like this for much longer.

first of, amazing nickname, rats are definitely the best. bpd is horrible and confusing and i didn't get diagnosed till way older, shits a struggle every day. it sucks to sometimes not trust myself, im very strong willed and it just makes me feel useless to periodically feel that way. seems like you've started seeking answers and solutions a lot younger than i did, so I hope that it pays off for you. im sure orban has made shit a lot worse for lgbt ppl in hungary, really hope you can pursue that organization to get you to safety. definitely sounds awkward to hear that response from ur mom, i would be confused af too between the new baby and mom saying that. would she be open to talking to you about why you feel that way and help you find some better answers, rather than just leaving it at 'well ill commit too'?
all the best to you for putting so much into turning things around. personally i would contact that organization like every other day because sometimes, it's the thing that finally gets someone to hear ya and understand that youre invested. i hope you find happiness and lots of rats to cuddle <3