It's hard to stay positive or calm

[lpdsvm]

It's pretty hard to stay calm or positive when bad news comes, even if I know it's going to happen and everything is indicating my total failure. The experience is different.
One good thing is that I feel ready to CTB within a specific time window. I have no SI.

I think it's important when it's doable since nothing to lose anyway.
I just want to enjoy whatever time is left for me while being ready to CTB without any unnecessary stress on the way.

 

[isthisthingon]

Which method are you planning?

 

[lpdsvm]

Which method are you planning?

Just SN or hanging. I have a bunch of time but who knows.

 

[bipolar22]

There you go. Thats go. Time to do proper research of what your attempting to do. Thats how its done

 

[Ricoshay]

Could just be your biological survival instincts kicking in, every living being on this Earth has one. Even if your brain simply wants relief and knows you'll be free of the suffering.

 

[lpdsvm]

There you go. Thats go. Time to do proper research of what your attempting to do. Thats how its done

Pretty much a lot of research. SN is easy I don't care about a protocol with prescription medicine. but hanging, I tested a bit and only succeeded to pass out but it was self-induced syncope with the Valsalva maneuver. I am lazy for now because I have SN and can FSH if it's an emergency (also the same way I can take SN at any time). I have ratchet straps as well and other stuff.

Could just be your biological survival instincts kicking in, every living being on this Earth has one. Even if your brain simply wants relief and knows you'll be free of the suffering.

This is a good question. No, only it's about blood - then SI might kick in from a minor cut. I have reasons why CTBing is better than staying alive in certain circumstances.
I felt I was about to faint, and I got scared for 1 sec, but then I was like 'wait please I hope it ends here.' No, it was something else. It went away. I was lying with my eyes closed and hoping I was falling asleep forever.
I was scared of SI actually but I learned to accept it and I practiced some partial and stuff. Now I just have this fear I'm failing everything. I actually want to CTB sooner because I feel like there is no point anymore. I want to know not guess and unfortunately I can't. I need more time to know when I can set my CTB date.
I just want to stress less about bad news and just be ready to CTB but at the same time also enjoy whatever time is left for me. I think it's not just about me.