Its been a long time

[Rustysoupcan]

Its been a long time since I've visited this site. A long time since I have posted. I am feeling the depression creep in again and I have no where to go, no one to talk to. I thought I would be done with that part of my life, yet it's just a repeating cycle. I hate it. I hate it so much. Why cant i just stay happy. My life is fine, why am I so sad? I feel I am just an npc trying to survive. I have everything a young woman could want, yet I dont feel like I am living.

 

[Sulyya]

Some things go away, and some don't... Not sure about your situation but if you're here, then you aren't an NPC I think.

 

[PainfulPainkillers]

Its been a long time since I've visited this site. A long time since I have posted. I am feeling the depression creep in again and I have no where to go, no one to talk to. I thought I would be done with that part of my life, yet it's just a repeating cycle. I hate it. I hate it so much. Why cant i just stay happy. My life is fine, why am I so sad? I feel I am just an npc trying to survive. I have everything a young woman could want, yet I dont feel like I am living.

Sorry to hear that its not going too well, if you don't mind me asking, what's wrong? You just looking for some people to vent or talk to?

 

[AllMyDreams]

Am sorry you're experiencing this. I can relate, on the outside I have everything a young man could want, and my depression comes in cycles too. Usually I'm depressed for a couple of months, then I latch onto some project/cause and I'm fine, then I tell myself it was all pointless and want to ctb again.

In my case I've tried really hard to recognize the patterns. I know having experienced several cycles that deep down, if I say something like "I want to die, anyone keeping me alive is selfish, life has no point" etc. that I will eventually snap out of it. That might not be true for you, but have you identified anything in particular that sets you off? If you could change any one thing in your life (even if it seems silly), do you think you'd be happier?

It sounds from your post like you have a lot on the outside going for you. Sounds cliche but practicing radical gratitude (gratitude for every little positive thing in your life, and viewing bad things as 'interesting') can go a long way. It's always good to have goals and accomplish things on the outside but if your mind doesn't learn to unconditionally appreciate what you have, you won't stay happy consistently.

If you want to talk please feel free to send me a message.

 

[FuneralCry]

Existing certainly can be tiring and it really does seem as though there is no real relief from suffering in this cruel world. But anyway, I wish you the best.