It's been 7 months since I survived taking SN

[razor543]

As the title says, it's been 7 months since I somehow survived sn. 7 months since people should have lost me, but somehow, as always, I managed to survive despite having a cardiac arrest and a methb level of 97%. Physically, I've recovered apart from my hands being different colours, and I still have the constant tiredness. The scar on my neck from the tracheostomy is still visible, but barely. Mentally, I'm still fucked. As soon as I got out of the hospital, I reordered the sn. It's a comfort knowing I have this way out. It's my birthday this month, and I don't know how to feel. I shouldn't be here. My family is still massively toxic, and they're draining to be around. I'm still angry at the hospital for contacting them. I finally got tattoos over my self-harm scars on my arm, but now I've just started on my legs. My friends don't understand me, and one of them told me I should move on regarding the sn attempt. How am I meant to move on from the fact that I died? I sort of have a suicide plan, but some of it all depends on when things happen, for example, when I get my driving licence back (fuck you UK police). I've decided I want to drive somewhere nice to ctb, that's the least I can do for myself after all I've been through. I'm still on loads of medication, which is annoying, but it's helping. Back in August, I adopted 2 older cats from a rescue, and I love them both to bits, but I feel selfish knowing that at some point I'm going to leave them forever. Hopefully, by March/April/ I should have my licence and car sorted, but who knows. I've started letting people take photos of me because I know that will be all they have once I'm gone. A lot of the stuff I have done in the past few months has been so that people will have good memories to remember me by rather then the bad ones. If anyone is wondering about my sn attempt, I've made a couple of posts about it, but feel free to ask me questions!!


A huge thank you to @Dante_ for just being here for me.

@SecretDissociation and @finalgoodbye:( - I still think of you both, and I hope you found your peace.

 

[LunarLynx]

Hey !
I'm sorry to hear that shitty story, I don't know why the hospital try to "save" you when it's clearly a suicide attempt. If they don't want people to have assisted suicide, just let them do it in peace. You should be able to have on your arm a thing like "DNR" but for suicide attempt, so when you're found you won't get "save" (which is the real save)

Hope you're next attempt will be successful, or that you find hapiness in your life and turn away from these thoughts.

Lot of love for you and your 2 cats (if you want to CTB, open a windows / doors so your cats won't stay at your place and miss food / water until you're found ! <3)

 

[ilovenewyork]

Can you tell me about the heart rate and difficulty breathing in the attempt? You were gasping for breath?

 

[opheliaoveragain]

sending hugs to you unmet friend

 

[Blueberry Panic]

One of my sn attempt went like that too ... I ended up in hospital as soon as i arrived i started to have a heart attack ... I woke up intubated... and with a week of being in the psych ward I attempted with kn like a month later.... this was 3 months ago now.

 

[Sleeper System]

One of my sn attempt went like that too ... I ended up in hospital as soon as i arrived i started to have a heart attack ... I woke up intubated... and with a week of being in the psych ward I attempted with kn like a month later.... this was 3 months ago now.

Curious what your living and financial situation is to be able to make these attempts and some how still return to regular life. Do you have a supportive family or finances that allow this?

 

[android]

How are there multiple failures..? Are you guys doing something wrong? This is scaring me quite a bit, I was planning on SN but I have no room for failure. Have you considered SN + jumping or a combination of other methods?

 

[Dante_]

How are there multiple failures..? Are you guys doing something wrong? This is scaring me quite a bit, I was planning on SN but I have no room for failure. Have you considered SN + jumping or a combination of other methods?

Generally, there's risks with everything in life, that's just how it goes and well things happen where people do end up surviving attempts.

 

[madameviolette]

How are there multiple failures..? Are you guys doing something wrong? This is scaring me quite a bit, I was planning on SN but I have no room for failure. Have you considered SN + jumping or a combination of other methods?

They are saved, they went to hospital. Unless your are saved it's unlikely you'll survive

 

[razor543]

Can you tell me about the heart rate and difficulty breathing in the attempt? You were gasping for breath?

I can't remember loads from the attempt. https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/comprehensive-medical-records-from-sn-attempt.216957/ These are my medical records if you wanna have a look.

Curious what your living and financial situation is to be able to make these attempts and some how still return to regular life. Do you have a supportive family or finances that allow this?

Well, for me. I'm on benefits as I can't work, and my family is part of the reason why I am this way.

 

[dalemar]

You failed because you "only" took 7g of SN, no AE and you were found, right?