it’s bad again

[the guilt i carry]

i was here around a year and a half ago when everything was really bad. i even tried to take a lot of painkillers once, but it went horrible and sadly my life didn't end. i thought than after my attempt everything got better, but now it's getting worse really fast and i have a lot of suicidal thoughts again. dont know what to do, because i'm too scared to try again and with the other method, but the thought are killing me. i can't live a minute without thinking how much i want to end everything, because i hate myself so so much.
i can't talk with family, i can't go outside, all i can do is lay in my bed thinking about kms.

 

[FuneralCry]

I certainly understand that it's dreadful suffering in this existence you just wish to be free from but anyway best wishes, I really wish that suicide is as straightforward as just choosing to never wake again.

 

[Rational man]

Are you able to say what happened that made things a little better, albeit temporary. ?. Are you able to seek help outside the family about this awful pain. ?

 

[sos]

yea p much what the guy above asked

what happened last time that got you out of the situation