Venting It's all my fault 🥳

[ironrain]

I wish I was mentally ill so much. I'd kill myself so easily. But after the session, turns out, just as I expected, that I'm fine. It's all my fault and I am just a normie with too much free time and no sense of shame.

I'm sorry for being a manipulative bitch and spamming this forum with my useless posts. I might leave it the moment I obtain oxycodone and then it'll be up to me to decide whether to ctb or not. If I didn't have family then I'd do it easily. But I do so I guess I just have to work myself up till I don't care about anything.

Forgot what else I wanted to say. Eh, forgive me for cringe? I don't know if I hate myself for it. Maybe yes. Also I'll never going to therapy again. So, yeah, I'll post if I get the magical pills
Ngl ripping the paper with um, idk how it's called and I'm to lazy to Google, prescription??? Was satisfying. Closing doors feels fucking awesome

 

[PenPen<3]

I wish I was mentally ill so much. I'd kill myself so easily. But after the session, turns out, just as I expected, that I'm fine. It's all my fault and I am just a normie with too much free time and no sense of shame.

I'm sorry for being a manipulative bitch and spamming this forum with my useless posts. I might leave it the moment I obtain oxycodone and then it'll be up to me to decide whether to ctb or not. If I didn't have family then I'd do it easily. But I do so I guess I just have to work myself up till I don't care about anything.

Forgot what else I wanted to say. Eh, forgive me for cringe? I don't know if I hate myself for it. Maybe yes. Also I'll never going to therapy again. So, yeah, I'll post if I get the magical pills

I haven't seen your other posts but suicidal thoughts aren't your fault even if you're not mentally ill, no? Just because the circumstance isn't what you thought it was doesn't mean it's your fault and it definitely does mean you're 'fine'. How would any of that be manipulative? Posting here is only useless if *you* think it's useless because this forum is for people to find comfort and help.
If I can ask, why aren't you going to therapy anymore? It sounds like you aren't 100% sure about CTB

I might be misunderstanding but I think I'm in a similar spot, so maybe that helps. I was told I don't have depression or anything but that my thoughts of CTB are circumstantial, which apparently makes up the majority of people who have these thoughts.

 

[ironrain]

I haven't seen your other posts but suicidal thoughts aren't your fault even if you're not mentally ill, no? Just because the circumstance isn't what you thought it was doesn't mean it's your fault and it definitely does mean you're 'fine'. How would any of that be manipulative? Posting here is only useless if *you* think it's useless because this forum is for people to find comfort and help.
If I can ask, why aren't you going to therapy anymore? It sounds like you aren't 100% sure about CTB

I might be misunderstanding but I think I'm in a similar spot, so maybe that helps. I was told I don't have depression or anything but that my thoughts of CTB are circumstantial, which apparently makes up the majority of people who have these thoughts.

I don't understand myself either. I'm just dramatic I guess

 

[PenPen<3]

I don't understand myself either. I'm just dramatic I guess

You're saying so many mean things about yourself but I think the truth is you're not doing anything that wouldn't be expected out of a normal person, it's not good bc it's a crisis but it's understandable especially here

 

[ironrain]

I wish I was mentally ill so much. I'd kill myself so easily. But after the session, turns out, just as I expected, that I'm fine. It's all my fault and I am just a normie with too much free time and no sense of shame.

I'm sorry for being a manipulative bitch and spamming this forum with my useless posts. I might leave it the moment I obtain oxycodone and then it'll be up to me to decide whether to ctb or not. If I didn't have family then I'd do it easily. But I do so I guess I just have to work myself up till I don't care about anything.

Forgot what else I wanted to say. Eh, forgive me for cringe? I don't know if I hate myself for it. Maybe yes. Also I'll never going to therapy again. So, yeah, I'll post if I get the magical pills
Ngl ripping the paper with um, idk how it's called and I'm to lazy to Google, prescription??? Was satisfying. Closing doors feels fucking awesome

God I will forever cringe from this visit. I feel so embarrassed and stupid

 

[SASU-KE]

spamming this forum with my useless posts.

It's not useless. It's helping you cope in some way. Just don't overload the server and bring the site down. It was unreachable just a few minutes ago.

Spoiler

I'm kidding about the latter part
Keep posting.

 

[Forever Sleep]

In my opinion, a mental health worker shouldn't be enforcing these types of thoughts you seem to be experiencing. It comes across as you are worrying you are an imposter or, just pretending and probably worry you were wasting their time.

Just because you didn't come out with a severe diagnosis- that you were perhaps expecting? It doesn't mean you aren't being plagued by intrusive thoughts and emotional difficulties that make living really difficult. Didn't they at least try to acknowledge that you are struggling? Or, was it a 'tough love' pull yourself together type response?

 

[ironrain]

It's not useless. It's helping you cope in some way. Just don't overload the server and bring the site down. It was unreachable just a few minutes ago.

Spoiler

I'm kidding about the latter part
Keep posting.

Okay, it made me laugh haha

In my opinion, a mental health worker shouldn't be enforcing these types of thoughts you seem to be experiencing. It comes across as you are worrying you are an imposter or, just pretending and probably worry you were wasting their time.

Just because you didn't come out with a severe diagnosis- that you were perhaps expecting? It doesn't mean you aren't being plagued by intrusive thoughts and emotional difficulties that make living really difficult. Didn't they at least try to acknowledge that you are struggling? Or, was it a 'tough love' pull yourself together type response?

Idk what response it was but it was a fair response. Whatever, I guess I'll have to sort my shit out. If everything turns out to be too bad I'll ctb. If everything is okay, I won't traumatize my family and continue living my life. It is what it is