Story It has been 1 year. Things are not better. They are worse

[botanist_dude]

So here's a very short summary

• I have a 2 year old kid
• I don't make enough money
• Family (blood related and in-laws) all consider me failure and a dissappointment (they are not wrong tho, they are actually very nice people but they are tired of me)
• I can't get a better job. I have applied to more than a 1000, literally, and not a single one has answered. I'm probably too old to be looking for jobs now (I'm 38)

That's it. I am condemning my child to a life full of misery and lack of opportunities. There are only three things holdin me back from CTB: Stupid SI, the uncertainty of actually leaving insurance money and how can my child be affected. He's still very young, so I have read he will most likely forget about me quite soon, so it has to be now before he starts to form more memories about it. So I need to ponder the following

• Scenario where my wife collects insurance money. This is the best one, everyone will be happy (eventually)
• Scenario where she can't collect any money. This is the tricky part.. our families love the baby and I'm sure he will be cared for and loved, but... with even less money than the pennies I bring home... he could suffer evren more than he does now.

What now?? I feel so trapped. I really don't know what to do. All I know is I need to CTB, but the lingering questions are too much to bear

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I don't make enough money

Didn't you know that before you decided to procreate together with your wife/husband (or only lover)???

You are responsible for your kid and I'd suggest you do everything that your kid does not become one of the next suicidal generation because of their childhood.

What now?? I feel so trapped. I really don't know what to do. All I know is I need to CTB, but the lingering questions are too much to bear

Do everything and even more to make sure your kid that you brought into existence together with your partner has a good life. What about your partner? It's also their job job to do everything they can to provide the necessary things for a kid. What about them? Afaik when u marry you promise each others in good and bad times.

 

[Linda]

So here's a very short summary

• I have a 2 year old kid
• I don't make enough money
• Family (blood related and in-laws) all consider me failure and a dissappointment (they are not wrong tho, they are actually very nice people but they are tired of me)
• I can't get a better job. I have applied to more than a 1000, literally, and not a single one has answered. I'm probably too old to be looking for jobs now (I'm 38)

That's it. I am condemning my child to a life full of misery and lack of opportunities. There are only three things holdin me back from CTB: Stupid SI, the uncertainty of actually leaving insurance money and how can my child be affected. He's still very young, so I have read he will most likely forget about me quite soon, so it has to be now before he starts to form more memories about it. So I need to ponder the following

• Scenario where my wife collects insurance money. This is the best one, everyone will be happy (eventually)
• Scenario where she can't collect any money. This is the tricky part.. our families love the baby and I'm sure he will be cared for and loved, but... with even less money than the pennies I bring home... he could suffer evren more than he does now.

What now?? I feel so trapped. I really don't know what to do. All I know is I need to CTB, but the lingering questions are too much to bear

I agree with what @Praestat_Mori said above. You brought that child into the world. You have responsibilities to that child.

However, if you do decide to ctb, and you want any life insurance policy to pay out, you would have to make your death look like an accident. That may or may not be feasible, depending on your circumstances. It would certainly limit significantly the methods you could use, and it would require very careful planning.

 

[R. A.]

do you love your wife? it sounds like not given you didn't give that as a reason for holding on but shit, if you don't hate her think of that too...and what @Linda said re: accident.
also, if you've not had luck with a thousand job applications, why doesn't this "nice" family support you? it sounds like you're busting your ass.
i suspect there may be more to this story we don't know that matters.