Venting it feels so horrifying to just exist .

[darknessisfine8]

( i realised what im trying to say is called " existential dread " as i was researching for others experiencing the same )


right now . i feel so much afraid of everything . like . i suddenly realised how everything is just here with no reason .

i realised how much we live our life without questioning a little part of it .

of how much we dont know anything abouf anything .

like . we live on a daily basis with no fear and just simply . for more than thousands of years .

without even knowing what all of it is for . and our philosophy does very little to help .

we dont know why we are here . or for how long . when is all started and why . and how or if its gonna end .


then suddenly . there are soooo many stuff that .. fuck it .

why are they here ? like all of it ?


all the stuff we see . hear and touch .



phones . trees . bees . tables . clouds . the sun . the earth . microwave . atoms .


all of it . we are suddenly born and we have to go through all of this with no choice . it makes me fucking mad .

why should it be in such way ? and can it even change ?

is there anyway things could be different .

no matter how much i shout . there is something super weird and absurd about the entire world .


and it really sucks to exist . and there is no way out of it .

even if i ctb . there is never the option for never being born . the pain of existing is not avoidable .

this pain of just being is so hard .

 

[itsgone2]

Agree. What is the point of all this?

 

[liquid jen]

God, I relate. I feel so jealous of normal people who don't contemplate their existence. They don't have to constantly live in doubt and confusion. Sometimes, other than jealousy, I feel hatred for them. They get to live such easy lives and all they use it for is cruelty or waste it.

I've tried articulating this struggle to a friend before, but it is so genuinely far from the average person's mind it didn't work. It's not fair that I have to live in constant pain because I'm aware that i exist and possibly always will in some way. I wish I could believe in a God or some greater purpose. I wish I had ANY answer to ANYTHING at all. I hate this shit.