Help Is there even a point to this ?

[4colliez]

Is there even a point to recovery, when I think there's no point in life? I am suicidal literally 24/7 and keeping it in is making the desire for death even stronger. Instead of just dying I'm grasping at the few things I convince myself are real enough to bring me a little bit of happiness. So when I'm in emotional pain I just fuck up my body with sh and I'm letting myself develop a dependency on alcohol to deal with my emotions. People, my friends say they're here for me and want to help but when I open up it all feels so fake and without understanding. The few I've tried being open with make me feel like a bother . I have so many people in my life who think I don't care, who think I'm fine but in reality I'm miserable and pathetic

Im no angel but I don't think i'm a bad person, I think i'm someone in pain desperate for someone to hear me, to see me and decide I deserve kindness. But I know that's not possible. I see no point in life and I know I'll eventually ctb because I don't understand why I should ever put myself through living 50 more years. I've been rapidly spiralling downwards these few weeks.
So what do I do to make myself hold on? What do I tell myself to feel like recovery on the long term is worth it? Everything good is temporary so how do I keep going forward?

 

[YourLocalSadGirly]

In my opinion the point of recovery is to improve your life in the long term. It's about doing hard things now so that in the future you have a chance to be happy. It's difficult to do that if you're suicidal because as suicidal people we tend to live in the short term. When we believe our lives will end soon we tend to behave in a way that damages our chances of living happily in the future because, well, the future does not exist to us anymore.

Ultimately to truly start the journey to recovery you need to commit to being alive for that better future to come. It also means attempting to stop bad habits like the sh and alcohol and trust me I know how hard that is. Whether you choose to make that commitment is up to you, but your life cannot start to materially improve until you do. Sorry if that sounds harsh, it's just what I've personally learned about recovery after making a temporary recovery last year.

I understand your pain when it comes to friends. I have the same problem. I think that it's impossible to truly understand what serious mental suffering is like if they haven't been in that situation themselves. It's lonely but it's the way things are. I don't know anything about you but I choose to believe that are you a good person who is just hurting, who just wants someone to be there for them. I think you do deserve kindness, and I don't think that it's impossible for you. You just need to find the right people. It's difficult but so, so rewarding when you finally find that person that understands you.

I can't say the right words that will suddenly make recovery worth it to you. That has to come from the inside, unfortunately. I understand that it's hard right now but if you commit to recovery some day it will get easier. Maybe you won't be happy all the time but sometimes is better than never right? Even though everything good is temporary you have to remember that there's always more good in the world to experience. Sorry for the very long reply. I really hope you decide that recovery is right for you but I understand that it's a difficult decision. I hope that this was helpful on some level to you and I hope you're doing well <3.

 

[orpheus_]

I had (and still have sometimes) similar thoughts, life is meaningless anyway so why bother. For my entire life I jump between obsessive fear of death and suicidality, because "everything is going to end anyway".

However as I partially "recovered", the meaninglessness stopped bothering me as much. I still know everything is temporary and there's no point in anything, but if we appeared in this world already - why not experience things, see what's out there? When I'm in less emotional pain from other things, the world's emptiness bothers me less or I just do not think about it at all. I started to experience some good things, feelings that make things a bit meaningful for a moment.
What personally kept me alive through the times when I felt nothing but sadness was mostly the will to help other people, as I do believe that all of us are in some way conscious, and we're in this meaningless world together - so we can support each other, at least.

This is just my experience and I do not know your exact situation but I decided to share it because this post literally sounds like something I could write like two years ago (minus the alcohol dependency, because social anxiety kept me from even going to the store). My point is, life can be meaningless and still okay (or even good). However I know it is hard to live when everything feels bad or nothing feels good or both, but getting someone to listen to you is one of the things that can help.

Good luck and I hope you will feel better <3
if you ever need to talk my DMs are open (it can just take me a few days to answer because I've had a lot of work recently, and sometimes I can be a bit awkward but if you don't mind it you can message me if you want to)