Is there anyone on here you miss ?

[WonderingSoul]

Like someone you knew on here but they CTB or left the site ? The first time I came here, I remember seeing a lot of wonderful people who kept making threads that I found so relatable but I don't see them any more.

 

[Rhizomorph1]

Yes definitely.

I remember seeing @avaruus posting frequently and related a lot to their posts. Their profile picture also really stuck out to me.

It was the first goodbye thread I followed quite closely. It hit me really hard when he died because it solidified the reality that people on this site are really dying...

You obviously know it is true but actually getting to know someone through their messages and then seeing them go kinda hits different.

I suspect there will be plenty more people I know on here who I will see die before I do...

Occasionally il stumble across an old post by someone I chatted with and see their name crossed out. It's hard to feel attached and then people just disappear...

 

[WonderingSoul]

know someone through their messages and then seeing them go kinda hits different.

Yeah I know the feeling. Makes me tear up sometimes.

 

[Abyssal]

@EndJstifiesTheMeans I'm sorry, I once said your reasoning for ctb wasn't good enough and doubted you would do it. I was wrong. I'm so, so sorry.

 

[Rhizomorph1]

@EndJustifiesTheMeans I'm sorry, I once said your reasoning for ctb wasn't good enough and doubted you would do it. I was wrong. I'm so, so sorry.

It's not your fault @Abyssal. We're all on this site for a reason and we're all just going out best to support each other in both living and dying.

It's incredibly challenging to bear the burden of which side of the fence to fall on and none of us here should have to, but unfortunately we're all stuck in this grassroots/underground website without formal guidance.

I invite you to be easy on yourself given the circumstances

 

[AnHeroTransGirl]

@EndJstifiesTheMeans I'm sorry, I once said your reasoning for ctb wasn't good enough and doubted you would do it. I was wrong. I'm so, so sorry.

I wish I had the bravery to just end it all not because my life sucks (though it very much does) but to prove someone wrong/make them feel sad. Not trying to shit on you or anything Abyssal, sorry about your friend but just kinda jealous that someone has the strength to do something I can't do

 

[Abyssal]

It's not your fault @Abyssal. We're all on this site for a reason and we're all just going out best to support each other in both living and dying.

It's incredibly challenging to bear the burden of which side of the fence to fall on and none of us here should have to, but unfortunately we're all stuck in this grassroots/underground website without formal guidance.

I invite you to be easy on yourself given the circumstances

Thank you. I have found that despite the reason we are all here, there a connection we all seem to have with one another. A real pain in seeing each other leave. Your death will probably impact me as well, since I know you already have what you need to complete it. Still, I cherish these moments we have together and wouldn't take it back.

I wish I had the bravery to just end it all not because my life sucks (though it very much does) but to prove someone wrong/make them feel sad. Not trying to shit on you or anything Abyssal, sorry about your friend but just kinda jealous that someone has the strength to do something I can't do

He didn't take his life because of me, he took his life because his ex best friend rejected him. In a state of emotionless and lack of empathy I mentioned that love wasn't reason enough to ctb. We were never friends, but I truly regret my words. Love is enough reason to ctb and just because I've never experienced it doesn't mean that it isn't.

 

[Rhizomorph1]

Thank you. I have found that despite the reason we are all here, there a connection we all seem to have with one another. A real pain in seeing each other leave. Your death will probably impact me as well, since I know you already have what you need to complete it. Still, I cherish these moments we have together and wouldn't take it back.

Il be around for a while, at least until your exit date as I have a lot of ducks I have to get in a row

Letters to write, my living will, visiting my dad, doing one last trip with my mom, seeing as many of my friends, etc. etc.

It will probably choose to die sometime this summer.

It's definitely a unique feeling to have solidarity through this forum. As much as it is sad, I also see it as incredibly valuable and rare to get to witness the raw authenticity of human beings; it teaches us something valuable about what it means to be human and allows us to reflect on existence and dying in a way that many people have taken from them rapidly or without deliberation (e.g., accidents)

For this I am thankful. Not everyone has this privilege.

I hope I'm on this forum for your passing, or you for mine, depending on which comes first.

 

[Myforevercharlie]

Yes
@faust
@TheNorthernSilence
@Busdriver
@Viro_Major

Still think about them regularly

 

[Leavesfromthevine]

Yes definitely.

I remember seeing @avaruus posting frequently and related a lot to their posts. Their profile picture also really stuck out to me.

It was the first goodbye thread I followed quite closely. It hit me really hard when he died because it solidified the reality that people on this site are really dying...

You obviously know it is true but actually getting to know someone through their messages and then seeing them go kinda hits different.

I suspect there will be plenty more people I know on here who I will see die before I do...

Occasionally il stumble across an old post by someone I chatted with and see their name crossed out. It's hard to feel attached and then people just disappear...

Same here for me although I didn't have an account at the time I was lurking all the time and definitely enjoyed all his post.

 

[Rhizomorph1]

Same here for me although I didn't have an account at the time I was lurking all the time and definitely enjoyed all his post.

Yeah he was one of the first few people I really interacted with.

I may have already mentioned this (my memory is fucked from chronic illness lol) but I love your profile picture and username. That scene was my absolute favourite. So sad especially since the voice actor also died and it was his last song <3

Yes
@faust
@TheNorthernSilence
@Busdriver
@Viro_Major

Still think about them regularly

What was it that stuck out to you about them?

They all seem to be from 2020; was there something about this year that made you remember people?

 

[Worndown]

Cookiedough and Metalchick. A few more too.

 

[penguinl0v3s]

So much </3 he ctb'd

 

[Myforevercharlie]

Yeah he was one of the first few people I really interacted with.

I may have already mentioned this (my memory is fucked from chronic illness lol) but I love your profile picture and username. That scene was my absolute favourite. So sad especially since the voice actor also died and it was his last song <3

What was it that stuck out to you about them?

They all seem to be from 2020; was there something about this year that made you remember people?

I've chatted with them for a long time. Some over 2 years.

 

[Deleted member 65988]

I've chatted with them for a long time. Some over 2 years.

Wasn't @phezel also someone close to you?

 

[Forever Sleep]

I really miss Girl shaped Wound. She CTB around this time last year.

I miss @Un . I'm sure there are others but I can't always recall the names. Yeah. Always mixed feelings when someone goes. I have to feel relieved for them. It's still so sad though. That their life brought them to that point and from a purely selfish point of view that we won't be in contact again.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

Too many good people who didn't see another option for them left us since I joined SS. With some of them I chatted literally until they left and I often think of them. But that's how it goes, life is only temporary. As long as we don't forget them they are still among us!

 

[WAITING TO DIE]

@leavingsoon99
@cscott

These 2 leaving was heartbreaking.
I chatted with them both frequently and had a lot in common with them both.
@leavingsoon had suffered dreadful childhood abuse and was a really beautiful soul .
@cscott was going through chronic depression and depersonalisation and derealisation disorder. She was a very insightful and lovely person.
I still think of them both from time to time.
There are quite a few others too that I miss, yet at least they are no longer suffering.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

No, I feel like I should but I'm strangely emotionless to it all

 

[AnonymousL]

Like someone you knew on here but they CTB or left the site ? The first time I came here, I remember seeing a lot of wonderful people who kept making threads that I found so relatable but I don't see them any more.

There is a person that deactivated his account a few days ago.

One of the mods confirmed this for me cause I was worried he ctb'd (however I'd be happy that he would be in peace then)

I don't have him on any other socials which I regret now.


Another person.. she was from the Netherlands and we chatted a bit when private messages were still an option. But one day it just got disabled and I can't remember her name anymore so I can't send her a new message. :(

 

[Myforevercharlie]

Wasn't @phezel also someone close to you?

Yes.

I didn't mention her because she wasn't a member for very long.

 

[Deleted member 65988]

Yes.

I didn't mention her because she wasn't a member for very long.

I see, the thought just came to me since I saw her thread and that you and her were friends.

 

[KuriGohan&Kamehameha]

I deeply miss @Midgardsorm
He was a very kind and gentle person who left a lasting impact on everyone he spoke to.

 

[アホペンギン]

@cscott

I miss her too. I spoke to her a lot in the several weeks leading up to her ctb.


To answer the question, I deeply miss @FadingSunshine I can't even express it with words. He meant so much to me and his ctb was enough of a push for me to attempt again. And I couldn't even say goodbye.
(not verified that he's gone yet as he called for help but I always assume the worst in many situations and this one included.)

 

[MBG]

Jacrispy
GasMonkey

I try to avoid SanSui nowadays. Too depressing….

 

[LonelyStarrySky]

When I first joined this forum and vented about my relationships issues, a user by the name ClaudeCTTE messaged me, and we always had these deep conversations about music, mental disorders and talked about suicide as well, I felt bad for the things he had to go through and enjoyed talking to him. He helped me understand that I might suffer from Borderline Personality Disorder which I found to be really helpfull in identifying what causes me the most pain in this miserable existence. Not only that he linked me usefull resources on how to actually CTB and I got more education on my hanging method which I found helpfull. One day I told him my bestie came back to me he was quite glad and became a bit more distant sadly, but I felt like I still wanted to be his friend because he helped me so much, however she left me again(this time forever) shortly after and I never got a chance to tell him this because one day he just vanished and sadly never found out the truth and he probably believed I was happy. I don't know if he actually CTB because I couldn't find a goodbye thread and who knows what might have happened to him? Not knowing made me sad, and the last thing he ever said to me was "I need a break... hopefully it's eternal..." at which I responded "Sorry about it all, I will let you take a break. Message me any time you like." this was the last we ever spoke, I regret saying this because he was probably hinting at his suicide, but why be so vauge at last? I hope he has found his peace now as he was a kind person and I want him to be remembered for being a great guy who has helped me a lot since joining this website.

Rest In Peace ClaudteCTTE

 

[Falling Slowly]

GasMonkey

I try to avoid SanSui nowadays. Too depressing….

Didn't know @GasMonkey well, but he was always kind and good-humoured to people. And a fountain of knowledge on the inert gas megathread.

 

[hi-okbye]

i've seen quite a few goodbye threads, and i've meet some people who left on their own.

@gonegirl1 was someone who left the site for their own good. i hope they're doing a bit better now.

@avaruus was another person. i never talked to him but i read a lot of his threads and replies. that also kind of hit me that they were gone :(

@LonelyKitten i remember reading their goodbye thread, seeing how they slowly left and then seeing the scheduled post after. that one also just kind of hit me.

i had to dig a bit to remember their username but @toofargone6969, i had a few talks with them before they ctb'd, it was another post that was sad watching them deteriate from the sn :(

i hope they all found some peace

 

[Myforevercharlie]

I see, the thought just came to me since I saw her thread and that you and her were friends.

We were :)

 

[Deleted member 65988]

i've seen quite a few goodbye threads, and i've meet some people who left on their own.

@gonegirl1 was someone who left the site for their own good. i hope they're doing a bit better now.

@avaruus was another person. i never talked to him but i read a lot of his threads and replies. that also kind of hit me that they were gone :(

@LonelyKitten i remember reading their goodbye thread, seeing how they slowly left and then seeing the scheduled post after. that one also just kind of hit me.

i had to dig a bit to remember their username but @toofargone6969, i had a few talks with them before they ctb'd, it was another post that was sad watching them deteriate from the sn :(

i hope they all found some peace

Yeah, gonna have to say Avaruus, Stepz, Kerrtu, LonelyKitten, Toofargone6969, Riellending, Chuerdhmproton, Katyhere, Chillmungo and Love_Peep right the top off my head.