Is there a way to stop wanting deeper human connection?

[sleeplessboyinbed]

I really want to have people in my life who will accept me as myself, who will love me no matter what, who will have my back, for whom i will be important. I know it's impossible, but i can't actually "understand" it. Im still fighting with hope, that some day it will happen. How to kill the hope?
Sorry if it's a stupid question

 

[AltercatingVoices]

I don't believe there is. Expecting the worst could diminish expectations, but even that only goes so far. Can't exactly alter what you do or don't want to desire, otherwise social animals like ourselves would be content. Can't quite have that, the show must go on.

 

[persistentheartache]

It's human to want to feel important and needed. It's not a stupid question. I'm sure a lot of us have been there. I know it's unsatisfying but all we can do is work on ourselves and try our best. I think when we take care of ourselves better, people will naturally gravitate around you more. but it takes time. I think it's one of those things that comes when you aren't actively chasing it.

 

[SoLowHollow48]

Hmm...

just think of it all as transactional. You scratch my back, I scratch yours. If no one wants to, I'll scratch my own.

And when I get tired of scratching my own since no one wants to, nobody should have the audacity to blame me for stopping for everyone and for myself because I am exhausted (to stop all and just die).

But since you're in a shitty place (this site), I'd say, you can't count on anyone. They're just passers-by in your life. Your mom, your dad, your siblings, your friends... they'll all fade away eventually.

To want to have that depth in a relationship is to be daring enough to accept the loss of those people you've heavily invested in.

Are you ready for that?

 

[sleeplessboyinbed]

Hmm...

just think of it all as transactional. You scratch my back, I scratch yours. If no one wants to, I'll scratch my own.

And when I get tired of scratching my own since no one wants to, nobody should have the audacity to blame me for stopping for everyone and for myself because I am exhausted (to stop all and just die).

But since you're in a shitty place (this site), I'd say, you can't count on anyone. They're just passers-by in your life. Your mom, your dad, your siblings, your friends... they'll all fade away eventually.

To want to have that depth in a relationship is to be daring enough to accept the loss of those people you've heavily invested in.

Are you ready for that?

I think i have already lost everyone. I have little to no relationships to people irl. I think you're right that i need to accept it :⁠-⁠)

 

[Forever Sleep]

I think it's when you have enough bad or hurtful experiences. When enough people let you down- that you start to wonder whether it's worth risking again.

For me, I recognised that forming close friendships with people tended to make me reliant on them. Which, at some point often ended badly. I suppose I eventually figured that- being that vulnerable in a bad way outweighed being lonely from time to time.

I also found that- the longer I went without close friendships, the less I needed them. I learnt how to cope with my own emotions better. With no one to talk about the same problem over and over, I think I began to focus on better ways to solve it.

 

[sleeplessboyinbed]

I think it's when you have enough bad or hurtful experiences. When enough people let you down- that you start to wonder whether it's worth risking again.

For me, I recognised that forming close friendships with people tended to make me reliant on them. Which, at some point often ended badly. I suppose I eventually figured that- being that vulnerable in a bad way outweighed being lonely from time to time.

I also found that- the longer I went without close friendships, the less I needed them. I learnt how to cope with my own emotions better. With no one to talk about the same problem over and over, I think I began to focus on better ways to solve it.

I have been alone for 4-5 years and still feel the need for friendships. How long did you wait? If you don't mind answering

 

[Forever Sleep]

I have been alone for 4-5 years and still feel the need for friendships. How long did you wait? If you don't mind answering

It's been about 20 years at least since I saw my best friend regularly. Around 15 years since I saw other friends regularly.

It's not that I'm a complete island now but, I very rarely see people and don't keep in regular contact either- apart from one person- we text a fair bit. I really value this forum for interaction.

We're all different though. I was probably prepared for a more solitary life early on- being an only child biologically.

If you still feel the need for friendship, are you still trying to be around people?

 

[notreallybored]

ב''ה, you can do the whole realizing it's entirely up to G-d whether anyone is kind or out of their minds or spitting vitriol trip I got.

Not that this is exactly an improvement but it sure takes 'the human factor' out of the equation, though makes it more complicated a toss-up as to whether pleasing G-d or having basic human decency is going to improve matters on any given day. (Technically if I'm bound to that it should be the intersection of both, but I did get into G-d's sense of humor and came out of it scarred.)

This is both a wacky thing to even say and, y'know, technically the experience all the Chassidic orthodox folks have been having/made to have from day one, so putting it out there as "a perspective."

 

[violetforever]

if this was possible i think i might be saved. i could stop caring about my broken family and trying to find other people to replace that love and connection since it barely helps anyway.

 

[100elephants]

Genuinely taking ssri's for several months made me an anti social sociopath for the time i was on it. I was content to just sit alone in my room. Your mileage will Vary with this one.