Is there a "mood" for suicide?

[lkjhgfdsa1]

Honestly these days i do not know whether I drugged myself to the core but
I feel nothing at all?
I am both indifferent to living and dying

Perhaps because I am doing neither
i am not living and, unfortunately, i am not death (yet)

suicidal ideation and/or "practice" or searching for ways to ctb has become part of my routine these days
so I feel myself stuck in inertia

many of the people here on SaSu have told me I am hestitating because it is not my time yet
but rather, i feel like it's just procrastination

plus, I hate setting myself up for pain
and, as I believe there cannot be a painless/peaceful method to ctb, I know I need to put myself through pain
which is why I am procrastinating too

because I am neither living nor dead, so it does not matter whether I do a genuine CTB attempt right now, in 10 minutes, 2 hours, or tomorrow morning.

I feel nothing really.
so even when I am "practicing" ctb, I only feel really simple thoughts like "ah nah not right now"

but then when I go to bed at night, I spent hours trying to think about how to ctb the next day
because I want to die
but then as the day comes, I procrastinate it again to the next day

 

[Unknown21]

This is my dilemma. I have not been able to overcome it yet, but what I have learned is that there is no appropriate time, like anything in life. If you want to do something, just do it. Distracting and thinking about it is a defense mechanism from the survival instinct to distract you from the main goal. This could also be the result of resistance, meaning you don't want to die yet or you still care about something or do something, you are still curious about the future. Sometimes I feel that the matter is trivial and easy to achieve, and other times I find that that it is very serious.
Even now I cannot get out of the state of apathy and my life is collapsing. I cannot die or live. Nothing keeps me alive and yet I do. Over-analysis and over-thinking are the things that are holding me back from trying so far.

 

[F@#$]

Sounds like the last 10 years of my existence.

 

[nohopeforrope]

I had a perfect time right now. If I had a shotgun I would be dead right now. I have triggers, some of us are always thinking about and some of us know that will be sooner or later. It's a kind of "point of no return" because you already touched the darkness and it follows you. Than, when life get real messy and unbearable you think "well, this time would be perfect" but it's assincronous. I had the perfect time a half hour ago, but I gave life a "chance" to change my mind and didnt buy my shotgun. Im always regreting.....because it's expensive (the whole process and the gun itself) but as the same time I think "well maybe there's a solution around the corner", but isnt. The life is just getting worse and worse and this cicle gets you mad and more depressed.
For me, there's no right, except if you have a trigger that gets you mad then if you're prepared and get triggered, that's the time.

 

[feelinggloomy]

If I had an off switch I would use it right now

 

[LostinTime24]

I'll likely to be in a slight state of mania to go through with it, I think most suicides are impulsive in the moment very emotional.