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lkjhgfdsa1
š¤
- Apr 17, 2024
- 440
Honestly these days i do not know whether I drugged myself to the core but
I feel nothing at all?
I am both indifferent to living and dying
Perhaps because I am doing neither
i am not living and, unfortunately, i am not death (yet)
suicidal ideation and/or "practice" or searching for ways to ctb has become part of my routine these days
so I feel myself stuck in inertia
many of the people here on SaSu have told me I am hestitating because it is not my time yet
but rather, i feel like it's just procrastination
plus, I hate setting myself up for pain
and, as I believe there cannot be a painless/peaceful method to ctb, I know I need to put myself through pain
which is why I am procrastinating too
because I am neither living nor dead, so it does not matter whether I do a genuine CTB attempt right now, in 10 minutes, 2 hours, or tomorrow morning.
I feel nothing really.
so even when I am "practicing" ctb, I only feel really simple thoughts like "ah nah not right now"
but then when I go to bed at night, I spent hours trying to think about how to ctb the next day
because I want to die
but then as the day comes, I procrastinate it again to the next day
I feel nothing at all?
I am both indifferent to living and dying
Perhaps because I am doing neither
i am not living and, unfortunately, i am not death (yet)
suicidal ideation and/or "practice" or searching for ways to ctb has become part of my routine these days
so I feel myself stuck in inertia
many of the people here on SaSu have told me I am hestitating because it is not my time yet
but rather, i feel like it's just procrastination
plus, I hate setting myself up for pain
and, as I believe there cannot be a painless/peaceful method to ctb, I know I need to put myself through pain
which is why I am procrastinating too
because I am neither living nor dead, so it does not matter whether I do a genuine CTB attempt right now, in 10 minutes, 2 hours, or tomorrow morning.
I feel nothing really.
so even when I am "practicing" ctb, I only feel really simple thoughts like "ah nah not right now"
but then when I go to bed at night, I spent hours trying to think about how to ctb the next day
because I want to die
but then as the day comes, I procrastinate it again to the next day
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