Venting Can't plan for the future

[Deleted member 10090]

Wasn't really sure what to title this.
I don't get how people plan for the future, especially when they're suicidal. I can barely take it day by day. I've lost a lot of opportunities by never being able to plan things or make goals because i never saw myself living this long.
Once I was no longer "forced" to have a structure due to highschool I basically just fell apart because everything was up to me to make things going. It's been a decade since then and I basically have nothing to show for it.
Idk how to have a healthy routine or want to do things for myself because frankly I don't care very much about myself.
I wish I could be happy and have a life I enjoy but having constant suicidal thoughts regardless of what I do makes it seem incredibly difficult to make plans or strive for goals. Looking back, even before I was suicidal I was never one to really make plans, I just went with the flow and it's really affected every aspect of my life.

 

[Agon321]

It's hard to build the future if you don't have foundations in the present.

Mental illnesses such as depression almost completely prevent us from planning the future in positive colors.
If brushing your teeth is difficult for you, how can you think about, for example, changing your job to a better one? Impossible.

This is the worst.
We are losing the present and the future at the same time.
At some point we realize that we have only wasted time and our mental condition deteriorates even more.
It's a dark cave into which we go deeper and deeper and we don't know how to get back.

This is a difficult topic and a difficult fight for anyone who wants to recover.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I always had plans for my future and goals I wanted to reach. Since my big failure I have no goals, no ideas and no energy anymore to start over again. Being suicidal hinders me in looking forward and doing sth to get out of the hole. Y should I put efforts into sth when I'm gonna die / CTB soon anyways? There's no incentive. We can't take anything with us after we're gone.

This often turns into a vicious cycle and we are trapped in it. Breaking it up is already difficult and the longer we are trapped in such a vicious cycle the harder it is to break out.

 

[Mirrory Me]

I myself journal about my thoughts and plans and use cannabis and psychedelics for extra energy and inspiration.

 

[Deleted member 10090]

I myself journal about my thoughts and plans and use cannabis and psychedelics for extra energy and inspiration.

i've tried all of those. never really worked for me. glad it's been beneficial for you however!

 

[blippy]

I feel the same. Some days I struggle to feed myself and shower, how can I execute plans of a future?

 

[Abyssal]

I understand how you feel. I can't even picture possible futures, even writing that makes me feel like I'm talking about some comic book superpower. I've been winging it from day one, never planned ahead unless it's to book a hotel or see a movie

 

[MatrixPrisoner]

An Adderrall scrip could easily change that.

 

[Z-A]

I never planned things in my life, even before I was suicidal. I just did things whenever I felt it was necessary.

However, right now I don't even think about tomorrow because I don't really have the will to live; almost nothing matters to me anymore. It badly affects my life in general. To exist, you have to want it, not the opposite.

I wish I had the courage to CTB with the methods available to me. It's really depressing and frustrating to deal with this type of situation.