N
noname223
Angelic
- Aug 18, 2020
- 4,996
I would never hurt other people. I never was a danger for other people. Though during my first psychosis when the doctors gave me the wrong medication they considered me a threat for others and myself. I still was pretty peaceful. Though with my philosophical thoughts of a rebel I almost started a rebellion in the psych ward. Not sure how distorted my memories are concerning this event. I never was violent. I was violently abused by my mom as child and teenager. My sister once told me I just should have smacked her back. This was clearly victim blaming. My sister hurt me with this statement a lot. It has damaged our relation.
Normally I try not to be resentful concerning those statements but fuck no. This was pretty disgusting.
I had the idea for this thread because there were some violent incidents in my country often caused by mentally ill people. For example one person who probably had a psychosis crashed his car in a crowd full of people. (also children). What a nightmarish incident. I feel very sorry for the victims. I am really glad I never was violent in my psychosis. Like imagine I had to spend my whole life in a psych ward. And there suicide is even forbidden which I consider as inhuman. I am so scared being forced to such a place. Being on suicide watch for the rest of my life sounds extremely scary. I think I would try to sue for right to die/assisted suicide.
Luckily I am not violent during my psychosis. I just study extremely hard which is like a torture for me. I sometimes flirt with women in a very cringey way. I feel really ashamed about that. It almost drove me to commit suicide the last time. Though I tried to comfort me with the fact that many people do the same shit when they are drunk. I just had this extremely pathological feeling of being a pervert. This was caused by the crash after the mania/psychosis. I almost killed myself due to that. And if this repeats I cannot endure this once more. The pain was unimaginable.
Some people in college know I am mentally ill. One person even knows I had psychosis. I ask myself if so many violent mentally ill people are on the news what are they thinking about me? I think many people consider me a striver who always abides the rules. They are kind of right with both. It is rather unlikely they consider me a danger for other people (?) But honestly I am not fully convinced.
I often was scared people consider me a drug addict. I don't know exactly why but I was/am extremely scared people could consider me drug addict. Maybe the reason is I am scared people think I would have destroyed my life with drugs, then they consider me as stupid etc. Make fun of me due to that. Yeah my usual paranoia whether people consider me smart or not. Lol. Other people have reassured me I don't look like/ behave like a drug addict.
I hope I don't offend people here in this forum. Maybe this anxiety is also influenced by my own stereotypes about drug addicted people. Though I love DFW's work and Juice WRLD/ Eminem's music. I think their artistic work has decreased my anxiety to be perceived as a drug addict.
Have you ever been discriminated against because you are mentally ill? I have. But most people did not consider me as dangerous for the society. Which is pretty true. The only person I want to hurt is myself. I am quite a peaceful person even during my psychosis.
Have other people treated you as if you were a danger for society? I read another article recently. In my country there are increasing cases where mentally ill people are violently treated by the police. Maybe you have experienced that? I hope not.
Normally I try not to be resentful concerning those statements but fuck no. This was pretty disgusting.
I had the idea for this thread because there were some violent incidents in my country often caused by mentally ill people. For example one person who probably had a psychosis crashed his car in a crowd full of people. (also children). What a nightmarish incident. I feel very sorry for the victims. I am really glad I never was violent in my psychosis. Like imagine I had to spend my whole life in a psych ward. And there suicide is even forbidden which I consider as inhuman. I am so scared being forced to such a place. Being on suicide watch for the rest of my life sounds extremely scary. I think I would try to sue for right to die/assisted suicide.
Luckily I am not violent during my psychosis. I just study extremely hard which is like a torture for me. I sometimes flirt with women in a very cringey way. I feel really ashamed about that. It almost drove me to commit suicide the last time. Though I tried to comfort me with the fact that many people do the same shit when they are drunk. I just had this extremely pathological feeling of being a pervert. This was caused by the crash after the mania/psychosis. I almost killed myself due to that. And if this repeats I cannot endure this once more. The pain was unimaginable.
Some people in college know I am mentally ill. One person even knows I had psychosis. I ask myself if so many violent mentally ill people are on the news what are they thinking about me? I think many people consider me a striver who always abides the rules. They are kind of right with both. It is rather unlikely they consider me a danger for other people (?) But honestly I am not fully convinced.
I often was scared people consider me a drug addict. I don't know exactly why but I was/am extremely scared people could consider me drug addict. Maybe the reason is I am scared people think I would have destroyed my life with drugs, then they consider me as stupid etc. Make fun of me due to that. Yeah my usual paranoia whether people consider me smart or not. Lol. Other people have reassured me I don't look like/ behave like a drug addict.
I hope I don't offend people here in this forum. Maybe this anxiety is also influenced by my own stereotypes about drug addicted people. Though I love DFW's work and Juice WRLD/ Eminem's music. I think their artistic work has decreased my anxiety to be perceived as a drug addict.
Have you ever been discriminated against because you are mentally ill? I have. But most people did not consider me as dangerous for the society. Which is pretty true. The only person I want to hurt is myself. I am quite a peaceful person even during my psychosis.
Have other people treated you as if you were a danger for society? I read another article recently. In my country there are increasing cases where mentally ill people are violently treated by the police. Maybe you have experienced that? I hope not.
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