Is possible suicide thoughts appear again, but now even worse than before?

[Waiting for death]

I've been having some existential crisis for nearly five years, I usually think living life is not for me, because I don't care about future and I don't want to get in my fucking 30s. Now, I'm working but not making enough money, I'm using tattoos as a therapy for me, when I get some ink I feel less depressed. The fact is I don't have any direction in my life I'm feeling kind of lost.

 

[Fimbulvetr]

I think anything can unfortunately get worse at literally any time. My worst suicidal thoughts were definitely as a child; I thought I was destined to kill myself and follow in my grandmothers footsteps while I was being sexually abused by an older man. Now I think they're more like a big fur coat; as the song iodine goes; "Made of dead things but keeps me warm"... A sort of "I can always choose my own way out if I need to. I have a safety hatch to hop out of this world if things ever get too bad."

 

[Waiting for death]

I think anything can unfortunately get worse at literally any time. My worst suicidal thoughts were definitely as a child; I thought I was destined to kill myself and follow in my grandmothers footsteps while I was being sexually abused by an older man. Now I think they're more like a big fur coat; as the song iodine goes; "Made of dead things but keeps me warm"... A sort of "I can always choose my own way out if I need to. I have a safety hatch to hop out of this world if things ever get too bad."

Sorry to hear that you were abused, unfortunately in this world, there are many heartless maniac men.

 

[penguinl0v3s]

Repeat relapse of depression is really common. It's a myth that once you're better, you will be better forever. I've had times where I've been happy and not depressed, but they've not lasted forever.