Help Is my life worth a try?

[forever21]

So, I want to know if you think my life is worth a try. Due to my lack of life experience I don't know if my ambitions are achievable or if I am still living in a dream and will understand this in a few years and still kill myself.
So I am 21 [f] years old and live in germany. I had suicidal thoughts for 10 years because I had a rough childhood: my parents were physically and emotionally abusive and I lost all my friends at about 13 years old. Since then I never had deep friendships and I worry that I will never be able to do this. I am simply not able to be interesting and to read peoples reactions and faces. I had depression and severe anxiety for over 3 years and am taking medication for a few months which works really great. I also have the possibility to go to a psychotherapist for free. My family is not very supportive and they don't believe me, so it's impossible for me to get admitted to a psychiatric ward. I read that there are resources for people withe social anxiety, has anyone tried them? I never been in arelationship and wouldn't know how to initiate one. Also, I haven't felt crushes for years. I also fucked up academically. I went to med school for two years, although I knew I coulnd't work as a doctor. Now, I am at a university of applied sciences studdying computer science. Some of my ex-classmates finished their bahcelor this year or will finish next year. I am thinking of transferring to another university and studying physics and computer science as a double major. But I will be comparibly old when I start (22 or end of 21). I would be interested going into theoretical physics or astronomy/astrophysics. I don't see the reason working in cs for the rest of my life for a automatisation firm, that uses image recognition or a bank or something like that.
I know this question is really specific, buta has anyone any advice or experience?

 

[Nem]

I don't think anyone on here is going to say no, end your life now.
Sounds like things are going okay
Peace/hugs

 

[forever21]

Sounds like things are going okay

I read that many people here struggle with the inability to build friendships and relationships and thus, are very lonely. I just don't know if it is realistic to think that I am able to build a relationship without having any experience at 21.

 

[Nem]

I read that many people here struggle with the inability to build friendships and relationships and thus, are very lonely. I just don't know if it is realistic to think that I am able to build a relationship without having any experience at 21.

Sure, give it a few years. You might find find things improve, if you can hold on that long
Peace/hugs

 

[EatingRawCocoa]

I read that many people here struggle with the inability to build friendships and relationships and thus, are very lonely. I just don't know if it is realistic to think that I am able to build a relationship without having any experience at 21.

Any experience at 21? Sorry to be dismissive. But that's a non problem. You are a 21 year old female. If you made a concerted effort for a 6 month period you could gain more experience with the opposite sex than 95% of men of any age who have ever existed have had. If you wanted to.

Contact people. Make an effort. Get to know people.

"Not able to be interesting". You're a 21 year old female. You do realise you don't need be interesting for men to be interested in you? Men are far far more accepting of women's personality flaws than the other way round.

 

[mynameispaige]

I think it's worth a try but nobody can decide that but you. I come from a bad home too and I have never had a real friend or a relationship in real life. Talking to people on here has actually helped a lot with my social skills. So I don't think it's too late for that. I'm 23 and if I would've tried harder when I was 21 I might not be where I am now. I gave up too early and I regret it. I am trying to get better but if I would've done this 2 years ago it might've been a bit easier. If you think the outcome of trying could be worth it then I say go for it.

 

[trynacbt]

It sounds to me like you're looking for encouragement to go on. I think maybe you're at a crossroads moment in your life where you have to decide whether to take the plunge/risk into some of your dreams or not. You are young (I am, too, but I think my situation is different), and it sounds like you have a lot of possibility for change and opening up your life in what's to come. I think it's absolutely worth it to try.

 

[Shamana]

Yes. I think you should go all in with regards to improving the quality of your life

 

[Rachel74]

Definitely worth a try my friend x

 

[forever21]

Well the thing is, I'm too stupid to kill myself. I treid hanging 2 days ago and today, but I just choked myself. I don't want to involve people in my death and live with my parents so can't order drugs.
I read that it's easier for a young woman without experience than a man to find someone. But ever heard of "hit the wall". If I'm worthless at 25, why not end it now. I am always anxious. I've been on reddit on r/agegap. Guess what 30/40/50/60/70 year old men want women in their 20s. And apperently there are no shortage of them who want to date a much older men. I think if your over the age of 30, it is definetly better to be a guy in terms of dating. You know many women in their 3ß/50/60/70s dating 20 something year old men?

 

[Rachel74]

I'm 44 my partner is 58 so that's not always the case. Some men want a woman who isn't a goldigging person.

 

[ots]

Your life is definitely worth a try.

You are very young. It's completely normal to not know what you want to do for the rest of your life. Have you considered not studying and entering the workforce in some capacity? Not much point studying if you aren't sure that's a career you want. I know a lot of people who got a degree and then never used it. They only acquired debt. I'm not bad mouthing university or education, but it's something you really want to be quite certain of. Degrees aren't cheap (maybe they are in your country?)

There is no shame in just feeling life out and seeing what you like. You don't have to start some grand master plan in your late teens/early twenties.

 

[forever21]

Some men want a woman who isn't a goldigging person.

There aren't golddiggers on there. These men aren't rich. There average people.
Is love a true thing? Or is it just like FWB? Sure, if I go on Tinder, maybe I can get matches, but I want to "fall in love".

 

[forever21]

Have you considered not studying and entering the workforce in some capacity? Not much point studying if you aren't sure that's a career you want. I know a lot of people who got a degree and then never used it

I live in germany, it is here definetly required to get a degree. I think I always wanted to go into physics but was too afraid to try it. I'm also thinking of working part time at a IT-company. Education is state-funded, I won't have debt afterwords, but I am worried about what my parents will think. They won't be thrilled that I will be adding another year.

"The wall" is bs that loser men (like myself) write about to pretend there is justice in the world of dating

But statistically speking, how is this possible? There are about 51 % of women. More men are gay than there are lesbians. Men tend to die sooner. So, there must be women who are straight, but not interested in dating?

 

[forever21]

You want top tier men

It sounds like you are MGTOW maybe? What is according to you atop tier man? I don't want a millionaire. If he earns the same as me or abit less it's okay. I want someone to genuinely love me. If you talk about appearence I don't like bodybuilder like looking men. I would describe my taste in men as "theoretical nerd", maybe? Google Peter Scholze. Is he average looking? Or the guy in the pic? Is he over-average looking?

 

[ots]

I'm sure there are fine careers that don't require a degree, but if you don't accumulate debt, I also don't see a downside to just studying a few different things and seeing what you like. Sounds like you have options and while your parents might tell you otherwise, you shouldn't feel stressed about the rest of your life at your age. The reality is that very few people know what they want to do at your age.

It's not clear in your post if you are currently seeing a psychologist, but that's an option you should pursue. You are on medication, so does that mean you are seeing a psychiatrist?

 

[forever21]

I got the medication from my general physician. I have a referral for a psychotherapist, but need to search for one myself.

 

[neilo99]

You say you have started to take medication that works great, and the chance to see a therapist? Well that's reason enough to stick around for a bit I would have thought

 

[cowbain]

%^What you on about?

"The wall" is bs that loser men (like myself) write about to pretend there is justice in the world of dating. There isn't. A 30-40 year old woman has still more opportunities than 95% of men who have ever existed; and you are 21, so it's all immaterial. The dating and mating game is literally a walk in the park for you.

You want top tier men, And it disturbs you that at 37 years old you might not be able to attract them as you can now at 21, so may have to settle with an average guy.

You could gain more dating experience in a month as a 21 year old woman than an average man can have in his lifetime. You can outpace a rockstar in terms of xual excess - In one single month of trying to. If you wanted to. And you're still complaining about it.

Why are you so rude? Do you have some type of resentment towards women are something? Just reading your posts and the short convo we had in pm's and yikes... bringing up dating on a suicide forum as if some shitty man that wants you for all the wrong reasons will make life bearable. Sadly, a lot of men share your thinking and believe they have a bad dating life because girls get more attention when in reality if you weren't so bitter maybe girls would actually be interested in you.

 

[ots]

I got the medication from my general physician. I have a referral for a psychotherapist, but need to search for one myself.

You said the medication is working well and you have a referral for a therapist. Definitely do that. It seems there are a lot of options you haven't tried and a therapist will help point you in the right direction.

 

[cowbain]

^^ Maybe if girls had been interested in me, I wouldn't have become so bitter in older life? Who the fuck knows. I don't. And you certainly don't either.

Stop blaming others for being an asshole. We've all gone through shit to end up on this site. Let's be kinder to each other please and not project onto others that are suffering too.

 

[Jean Améry]

Ultimately that's a question only you can answer but it seems you've got a lot going for you so in your case I think you should give it a honest try yes. If I thought the opposite I wouldn't have commented as a) it's against the rules to encourage suicide and b) it's against my own moral code aswell.

I wish I had enough mathematical acumen to study physics in depth. If you have that count yourself lucky.

Good luck with studying and with life in general.

 

[Can'tStandAnymore]

You're fine, really. Go to a psychologist.

 

[forever21]

^^Yes, he looks above average in height. He is also a Professor. Most men aren't.

You are 21. If you don't want top tier men why are you not responding to the 1000+ men who would want to get to know you this time tomorrow if you posted about that on POF, etc?

The professor looks above average in height? You mean like over the famous 6 foot or 180cm? I was talking more about his appearal like long hair. What about the blond guy, I am genuinely curios. I know he is an professor, but I was referring solely to his looks. Professors earn about 4700 Euros per month before taxes I think. There are definitely better earning jobs in germany. A layer can earn up to 500.000 Euros a year and some dentists and doctors over a million.
What is POF?
I don't know if this was clear: I know that most women can probably get laid very easily, more easily than men. But I am more interested in a relationship.
I will search for a psychologist, thanks for the kind answers. Hopefully it gets better.

 

[neilo99]

It's easy for us all to judge each other and at the end of the day we should all seek solace, but you are 21, with access to a therapist and medication that is helping. Please think seriously about your decisions. Sorry if I sound patronising

 

[sleepy dog]

More men are gay than there are lesbians.

Its not that important, but there are many more lesbians than gay men, its not even close.

Something that is important is do not rely on "medicine". If you just now started using a drug and it is working, you are extremely fortunate. That part of life will only get worse. Drugs do permanent damage, even when they seemed to be helping at the time. They also have withdrawals. Many of us have found that to be true, including me. You need to be very cautious with psych drugs.

 

[forever21]

ts not that important, but there are many more lesbians than gay men, its not even close.

atleast not in the us. according to this https://www.statista.com/topics/1249/homosexuality/ statistic, 1.1% of women are lesbians and 2.2% of men are gay.
But there are more bisexual women than bisexual men.

 

[falconeyes]

At 21 yro. you haven't even started your life, so the answer is YESSS, you still have a fresh life to live, you only need a simple plan to start with. It really breaks my heart when i find young ppl here want to end their lives, your age is the age of trying every possible and impossible thing to control your life, it's too early to give up.

 

[forever21]

Something that is important is do not rely on "medicine". If you just now started using a drug and it is working, you are extremely fortunate. That part of life will only get worse. Drugs do permanent damage, even when they seemed to be helping at the time. They also have withdrawals. Many of us have found that to be true, including me. You need to be very cautious with psych drugs.

I take Venlafaxin. They don't really have creazy side effects. And according to what I read and to my gp, they do not make you addicted. She said, it's also possible for me to take them for the rest of my life.

 

[sleepy dog]

forever21 - Why did you write a post asking for advice?
Because it seems you immediately argued against about 2/3 of what was offered. Some of us shared knowledge gained from real life experience. Well, we tried. Enjoy doing things your way.