Help Is my life worth a try?

[Jengator]

So, I want to know if you think my life is worth a try. Due to my lack of life experience I don't know if my ambitions are achievable or if I am still living in a dream and will understand this in a few years and still kill myself.
So I am 21 [f] years old and live in germany. I had suicidal thoughts for 10 years because I had a rough childhood: my parents were physically and emotionally abusive and I lost all my friends at about 13 years old. Since then I never had deep friendships and I worry that I will never be able to do this. I am simply not able to be interesting and to read peoples reactions and faces. I had depression and severe anxiety for over 3 years and am taking medication for a few months which works really great. I also have the possibility to go to a psychotherapist for free. My family is not very supportive and they don't believe me, so it's impossible for me to get admitted to a psychiatric ward. I read that there are resources for people withe social anxiety, has anyone tried them? I never been in arelationship and wouldn't know how to initiate one. Also, I haven't felt crushes for years. I also fucked up academically. I went to med school for two years, although I knew I coulnd't work as a doctor. Now, I am at a university of applied sciences studdying computer science. Some of my ex-classmates finished their bahcelor this year or will finish next year. I am thinking of transferring to another university and studying physics and computer science as a double major. But I will be comparibly old when I start (22 or end of 21). I would be interested going into theoretical physics or astronomy/astrophysics. I don't see the reason working in cs for the rest of my life for a automatisation firm, that uses image recognition or a bank or something like that.
I know this question is really specific, buta has anyone any advice or experience?

Would you be ok with lifestyle advice that might help?

 

[Dartz]

Just reading that you'er 21 kinda says it's worth a try. Doesn't mean you will succeed but fuck it why not make a go of it, worst case scenario you make it back to where you already were (just my opinion, I'm 22 and my life is dead in it's tracks too)

 

[forever21]

forever21 - Why did you write a post asking for advice?
Because it seems you immediately argued against about 2/3 of what was offered. Some of us shared knowledge gained from real life experience. Well, we tried. Enjoy doing things your way.

I am sorry that I sound like I don't appreciate the advice given here. I was just trying to show my view of the world as I think I don't experience the world the same as most people do.
I think I am very naive and insecure. If I read something very often, I think it is true. But it seems that I was spendingtoo muxh time on the wrong websites.

Would you be ok with lifestyle advice that might help?

What would you advice? I read that sport should help when you have depression. I am also about 10 kg over my ideal weight. If I would loose weight, I think I would be more confident about dating.
Should I better focus on becoming better, before I try dating? And how should I approach this?

 

[Jengator]

I am sorry that I sound like I don't appreciate the advice given here. I was just trying to show my view of the world as I think I don't experience the world the same as most people do.
I think I am very naive and insecure. If I read something very often, I think it is true. But it seems that I was spendingtoo muxh time on the wrong websites.

What would you advice? I read that sport should help when you have depression. I am also about 10 kg over my ideal weight. If I would loose weight, I think I would be more confident about dating.
Should I better focus on becoming better, before I try dating? And how should I approach this?

Don't even think about dating. Clean up your diet, because junk food causes depression. Start juicing. Quit sugar, caffeine and alcohol and gluten completely. Get into a sauna. Do yoga. Exercise, sweat, get sun, and fall in love with yourself for a few years.it works.

 

[LittleJem]

Hello, it sounds like you are in a great place to begin again. Your studies will get you a well paid job, and you can practice making new (and kinder) friends on your course. I recommend buying a book or two on how to make friends, and practising from there. You can also meet people online. My boyfriend is a computer person and a bit of a hermit, but he meets people online. Are your meds making you happier? If so, stay with it. I truly think your life has a chance of getting better. I am much older than you - if I find meds that work, my life will be worth it. Keep us posted, lots of us care.

 

[Shamana]

I take Venlafaxin. They don't really have creazy side effects. And according to what I read and to my gp, they do not make you addicted. She said, it's also possible for me to take them for the rest of my life.

Im happy that Venlafaxin works for you, but it's bullshit it's not addictive. On the reasons people stay on them for years or the the rest of their lives is they can impossible to come off. If you are interested i'm more than happy to show you the evidence. But if the drug is working as intended I don't see a reason to come off it.

Watch at 18 min

 

[Sweet emotion]

Of course your life is worth saving. 21 isn't old believe me. And don't compare your lives to others. You have to move at your own pace. You have to do what is right for you. It's great that you're seeing a shrink and that this new medication is working well. Next what I would do is go see a therapist and tell them how you have trouble establishing relationships. They can give you tools to practice. You're just starting to live again so to speak. So do what makes you happy and don't worry if you're older than some people. We all need to move at our own speed. Life isn't a contest or a race. Do you know how many middle aged adults go back to college? I wish you the best of luck and want to let you know you're very busy for starting over.

 

[Nem]

Im happy that Venlafaxin works for you, but it's bullshit it's not addictive. On the reasons people stay on them for years or the the rest of their lives is they can impossible to come off. If you are interested i'm more than happy to show you the evidence. But if the drug is working as intended I don't see a reason to come off it.

Watch at 18 min

Psych drugs are complete crap as this dr claims, avoid at all costs.

 

[Sweet emotion]

Well the thing is, I'm too stupid to kill myself. I treid hanging 2 days ago and today, but I just choked myself. I don't want to involve people in my death and live with my parents so can't order drugs.
I read that it's easier for a young woman without experience than a man to find someone. But ever heard of "hit the wall". If I'm worthless at 25, why not end it now. I am always anxious. I've been on reddit on r/agegap. Guess what 30/40/50/60/70 year old men want women in their 20s. And apperently there are no shortage of them who want to date a much older men. I think if your over the age of 30, it is definetly better to be a guy in terms of dating. You know many women in their 3ß/50/60/70s dating 20 something year old men?

You don't know that you're going to be worthless at 25. I think the best thing for you to do is live in the moment and not worry what is going to happen four years from now. If you spend all your time worrying about the future then you're not living in the present. There's a saying that goes.....if you have one foot in the future and one foot in the past then you're pissing on the present. It's so true. Don't worry about this dating age thing. You need to get yourself better first. It may be a long process but every step counts. Let things happen. Don't fight the good.

It sounds like you are MGTOW maybe? What is according to you atop tier man? I don't want a millionaire. If he earns the same as me or abit less it's okay. I want someone to genuinely love me. If you talk about appearence I don't like bodybuilder like looking men. I would describe my taste in men as "theoretical nerd", maybe? Google Peter Scholze. Is he average looking? Or the guy in the pic? Is he over-average looking?

Why do you care so much about what other people think? You're putting pressure on yourself because you say your parents don't want you to spend another year in college. So what? They're going to get over it. This is your life, remember that. You have to do what makes you happy. When you meet a guy, you'll know if you like him or not. It doesn't matter what he looks like or how many people you know find him attractive. Why does that matter so much to you? You have to just say screw it! There's also another saying that goes....what other people say about me or think about me is none of my business. It shouldn't be any if your business because you shouldn't care. You go for whatever makes you happy.

Its not that important, but there are many more lesbians than gay men, its not even close.

Something that is important is do not rely on "medicine". If you just now started using a drug and it is working, you are extremely fortunate. That part of life will only get worse. Drugs do permanent damage, even when they seemed to be helping at the time. They also have withdrawals. Many of us have found that to be true, including me. You need to be very cautious with psych drugs.

You shouldn't try to dissuade someone from taking a medication that is helping them.nwoukd you rather her go back into full depression and possibly kill herself? Don't tell her things will get worse because you don't know that. You don't know what she is on and how much she is on. I'm sure her psychiatrist is being cautious. But don't bring her down when she is feeling better.

I take Venlafaxin. They don't really have creazy side effects. And according to what I read and to my gp, they do not make you addicted. She said, it's also possible for me to take them for the rest of my life.

Listen to your psychiatrist. If this medication is helping you then keep taking it. Everyone responds differently and you can always talk with your doctor about being on these meds for a long time. Don't listen to people that try to dissuade you from doing something that is helping you and your mood.

I am sorry that I sound like I don't appreciate the advice given here. I was just trying to show my view of the world as I think I don't experience the world the same as most people do.
I think I am very naive and insecure. If I read something very often, I think it is true. But it seems that I was spendingtoo muxh time on the wrong websites.

What would you advice? I read that sport should help when you have depression. I am also about 10 kg over my ideal weight. If I would loose weight, I think I would be more confident about dating.
Should I better focus on becoming better, before I try dating? And how should I approach this?

You have to make yourself better before you enter into any relationship. If you don't love yourself how is anyone else going to love you? When you don't love yourself it shows and you aren't going to attract the kind if people who treat you right and respect you. You have to have self worth. And know your self worth. Know who you are and what you have to bring to the table. Right now the most important person in your life needs to be you. You have to fix you before starting on anything else. That is also something you can talk about with your therapist.

Don't even think about dating. Clean up your diet, because junk food causes depression. Start juicing. Quit sugar, caffeine and alcohol and gluten completely. Get into a sauna. Do yoga. Exercise, sweat, get sun, and fall in love with yourself for a few years.it works.

Good advice. That is what I said. It just shows how young she is when she asked that question. So young and so much to live for.