Venting Is it worth it if I'm sick?

[traintracks.mp3]

There's only so much recovery can get me when my body is broken. Every day I wish my illness had taken me, and every day I mourn the fact that I only got 15 years with a functional body. I'm 19 now, living with a total hip replacement that causes me constant pain, and a looming threat of infection taking away what little mobility I still have. I wish the reports about sepsis were true, I read that 1 in 6 sepsis survivors die. Why do I have to keep living? Why did I have to get "lucky" and continue living in this broken body? Whats the point of a 19 year old girl with broken bones and no future? What's the point of me?

 

[Darkover]

i'm sorry for your suffering somethings are completely out of our control and nobody should ever have to go through what you've been through

 

[FuneralCry]

That must be really horrible and tiring what you go through, it's certainly such a cruel existence where people suffer so extremely, I understand why you'd just wish to be free from it all. But anyway best wishes.

 

[traintracks.mp3]

That must be really horrible and tiring what you go through, it's certainly such a cruel existence where people suffer so extremely, I understand why you'd just wish to be free from it all. But anyway best wishes.

I've always felt it was selfish that the best outcome in medicine is considered survival. Especially considering how our society treats disabled people with such little dignity. Dooming someone to a life of pain with little help from those surrounding them does not seem like a "success" to me, but the medical system considers it so.