Help Is it right to ctb at night at home while my mother is asleep?

[kekakek]

(I am using a translator.) I have been thinking about this for a long time and I am very unsure whether it is right. I am scared of the unknown, of what will happen when she finds me hanged in the morning. After all, she loves me. What if something happens to her, which I really don't want. On the other hand, can a person who constantly has to put up with my stupid antics and who constantly lashes out at me because of my inability to do anything really be so upset by what she sees that something serious happens to her? I can't give myself any answer to this question.

Most likely, this sounds very selfish, and I understand that. But I am very tired of putting up with everything that is happening, tired of hurting people close to me. I live with my mother and have no opportunity to go anywhere. For another attempt, I have to wait until I am home alone for a long time, which happens extremely rarely. In this situation, I plan to simply lock the front door of the apartment, and then she will find me not alone, but with an ambulance crew, and most likely with her friends, who will help her if necessary. I don't know what is best to do: as I described above, or to continue waiting until I am alone.

This is the first time in my life that I have written such a detailed text, so I apologize if it sounds strange or unclear. I have always found it difficult to express my thoughts.

 

[jakethesnake]

Your Mom is the angel of your life. Don't do that to her :)

 

[iveseenfootage]

You seem to care about your mother (you wouldn't ask this question otherwise), so think of how she'd inevitably perceive that room and her house for the rest of her life. I'd recommend against it

 

[DeathSweetDeath]

The question isn't if it's right, the question is if it's wrong. You know the answer to this question already.

 

[kufajoy]

Hey you care so much about your mother that I think you already know the answer. Hope you feel better soon. Good luck

 

[persepexa]

Please don't do that to your mother. Finding your child hanging is something no one ever recovers from. Even if you personally think she'll be better off without you, that's not how she sees it. I don't know your circumstances and there are some bad mothers out there, but the majority of mothers love their children more than anything. I've been to prison twice for a horrific crime and my relationship with my mother never changed. She has never treated me differently after I got out. One of my few consolations about me CTB is she won't be the one to find me. We live in different countries so that will be a little easier for her.

 

[fadedghost]

I lost someone close to me to suicide. This will destroy her no matter what, sorry but being honest, any method in any way, even not at home, will be destroying.

But... if she finds you hanging she might get PTSD also. It's ultimately you're choice what to do.

 

[sanctionedusage]

i'm choosing somewhere public but unpopulated to avoid this. forestry, natural parks, or anywhere with any structure as an anchor point would be alternatives to your home. im sorry but i don't think she could ever recover from seeing anyone hanging like that in her own house, let alone her own son. concern and worry notoriously manifests as anger in parents. it might seem like she's tired of you already, but seeing you dead could traumatize her just as much as it would traumatize you to see her dead. your passing in general would be sad but having her see you like that is a whole different level. instead of seeing an empty space in the home where you normally would be, she'd be seeing your dead body hanging every time she closes her eyes.