Discussion Is it ok lo tose virginity to a prostitute?

[Sadbanana]

Look, I might be a rude bitch but I feel like some of your responses are a kind of rude and aren't very good...

They never implied that women don't have their own psych issues to deal with or that they are uncaring monsters, just that they think that their poor mental health has likely contributed in their issues with finding a partner. That's an understandable as most people in general do not want to get with those who have a lot of baggage.

What a fucking weird thing to come after them for. They just said they used to try and talk to as many women in possible, probably because that is just an aspect in trying to find a partner. You kind of have to start somewhere. I mean, I found my bf because I was spending my time interacting a lot with different men online. I don't see how that statement is offensive.

What is that supposed to mean? Is this supposed to be your way of implying what I think you are implying, because if so that is going too fucking far.

While I understand that the way how they phrased it isn't great, I'm pretty sure what they mean by "women being worth it or not" is more in reference to whether or not finding a partner is worth it or not. They are likely trying to communicate that they don't know about if their quest to find romance is truly worth their time in continuing on or not rather than it being them trying to imply that they view women as objects. The phrasing of it is awkward, but it is not enough to draw definitive conclusions on whether or no they view us as objects.


This isn't to say that I completely disagree with you. @Sadbanana , you do clearly have some misogynistic views that you should really work on. This part of your now deleted post really highlights this:


Women do not tend to like guys who happen to have the whole "uh, women have it so easy" type mentality, especially with how dismissive it is towards the struggles that women go through. Along with that, this statement easily applies in the reverse. You could argue that attractive men just need to approach and hit on a woman he likes and he'll probably get with her without much effort, but we rarely see this being brought up. Instead, when talking about issues with finding a partner, it's always "ugh, women have it easy". This ends up highlighting some clear biases you have that you should work on...

Thank you for standing up for me.

I Understand that many women find this "women have it easy narrative" anoying or even offensive. And yes many atractive guys have it just as easy. Honestly I would argue neurotipical people in general are extremely privileged, instead of having to learn social skills from scrach, they have some sort of preinstalled program that does most of the job for them. But I get why you find it anoying. It's like I had a gym partner that would always point out, that because of my genetics I have an unfair advantage, that would be really quite annoying. Mind you, it wouldn't make it any less true.

Imagine your life if your boyfriend would have rejected you together with every guy you find at least a bit desireable, wouldn't feel nice would it, you would be alone, trying to make yourself better for boys, yet even after years of trying it wouldn't yeald any results and you wouldn't even really understand what is wrong with you. All your femele friends would talk all the time about how great time they had with their boyfriends the other day and how much you are missing out and also all the media songs and everything would constantly just put it in your face. Plus some people would think you are femcel and that you hate men and are evil mysandrist, just because you point out any flaw about some guys. Now that's how it fucking feels.

I understand women have their problems, that we guys don't have and I'm not trying to invalidate their struggle.

Now just because I believe women have it easier doesn't mean I dislike them for it. If I were in that position I would also just enjoy it and don't feel guilty about it. It's not women fault at all it works this way. Tbh if I could chose to reset my life and swich my gender I probably just would.

That's the other thing. OP @Sadbanana wants to "save it" for a long-term, loving relationship, but here they are on a forum called "Sanctioned Suicide." Is he planning on CTB or is he planning on staying alive long enough to experience a long-term relationship? It seems to me that what would bother a girl is knowing that you were actively planning on CTB, way, way more than it would to know that your first time was with a sex worker.

I mostly want to do it because I no longer want to take sex so seriously, not as something scarced and special. I think my lack of sex experience doesn't really help me finding relationship. Plus there is a chance that I'll never find this "one". And I don't wanna die a fricking virgin.

When it comes to my suiciality, I think it would go away if I found myslef in a good relationship. And then why should it metter, that I was suicidial in some point of life. If my girlfriend used to be suicidial I wouldn't judge her for it all. And if my girlfriend did judge me for it I she probably wouldn't be worth it anyways.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

Now just because I believe women have it easier doesn't mean I dislike them for it.

See, you are doing it again. Rather than properly evaluating your biases you just double down on them. There are even women on this site who have talked about having issues with finding a partner. To add onto this, even if we were to go by your assumption that mainly attractive women have it easier, that completely ignores the fact that "attractive women" have to put an insane amount of work into their looks to even get to that point in the first place. Along with things, such as diet and exercise, you also have intense skin and hair care routines, mastering makeup skills, shaving and waxing, having to spend hours to even get ready to go, and more to look and maintain your appearance.

And again, the fact that your immediate response was to come after women, immediately downplaying their struggles and claiming that attractive women have it easy foes highlights some clear biases that you have. You need to stop getting defensive and try to work on them. I'm not the only one calling you out for this, so that should already be a red flag.

Imagine your life if your boyfriend would have rejected you together with every guy you find at least a bit desireable, wouldn't feel nice would it, you would be alone, trying to make yourself better for boys, yet even after years of trying it wouldn't yeald any results and you wouldn't even really understand what is wrong with you. All your femele friends would talk all the time about how great time they had with their boyfriends the other day and how much you are missing out and also all the media songs and everything would constantly just put it in your face. Plus some people would think you are femcel and that you hate men and are evil mysandrist, just because you point out any flaw about some guys. Now that's how it fucking feels.

You do realize that a lot of women actually go through this, right? There are literal subreddits filled with women who've gone through that exact thing thing.

 

[Sadbanana]

See, you are doing it again. Rather than properly evaluating your biases you just double down on them. There are even women on this site who have talked about having issues with finding a partner. To add onto this, even if we were to go by your assumption that mainly attractive women have it easier, that completely ignores the fact that "attractive women" have to put an insane amount of work into their looks to even get to that point in the first place. Along with things, such as diet and exercise, you also have intense skin and hair care routines, mastering makeup skills, shaving and waxing, having to spend hours to even get ready to go, and more to look and maintain your appearance.

And again, the fact that your immediate response was to come after women, immediately downplaying their struggles and claiming that attractive women have it easy foes highlights some clear biases that you have. You need to stop getting defensive and try to work on them. I'm not the only one calling you out for this, so that should already be a red flag.

You do realize that a lot of women actually go through this, right? There are literal subreddits filled with women who've gone through that exact thing thing.

Okay you got me, I guess some women do go through similar struggle as me, I'm clearly biased because most of my famale friends or aquientences didn't have them. Althought, I had few female friend that weren't very attractive and struggled in this regard.

I must say thought attractive women (guys too) are very privileged and there is no doubt about it. And don't give me how much work they put into it. I knew many that never exersised or did similar stuff and still looked good. Plus exercise isn't such a hardship, I myself have pretty good phisique and must say it's not easy to maintain, yet it's still nothing compared to looking for girlfriend and deal with rejection.

Maybe what you are trying to say that attractive girls like it when guys pretend just they have it hard, so they can feel better about themselves and complain more. It's probably good advice I admit.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

Maybe what you are trying to say that attractive girls like it when guys pretend just they have it hard, so they can feel better about themselves and complain more. It's probably good advice I admit.

No, I'm not. Women in general don't like it when guys pretend to have it hard. Nobody likes it when anyone pretends to have it hard.

 

[Sadbanana]

No, I'm not. Women in general don't like it when guys pretend to have it hard. Nobody likes it when anyone pretends to have it hard.

I mean that the women have it hard. I guess you were right, I'm bad at phrasing things.

But whatever, what O want to say is that life can be extremely unfair. Some people play it on easy mode, others on ultra-nightmare. Yet still so many people like to pretend it is fair, usually those that aren't so affected. I guess it makes them feel more important.

Beutifull women want to feel like they somehow "earned it". Yet so many less attractive women put in way more effort and still can't even compare.

Not saying there can't be thing that are hard in their life, like their family situation and other life conditions. Or they might accidentally choose malignant narcissist as boyfriend. But when it comes to finding relationship and acceptance, they should just recognized their privilege.

 

[pyx]

I mean that the women have it hard. I guess you were right, I'm bad at phrasing things.

But whatever, what O want to say is that life can be extremely unfair. Some people play it on easy mode, others on ultra-nightmare. Yet still so many people like to pretend it is fair, usually those that aren't so affected. I guess it makes them feel more important.

Beutifull women want to feel like they somehow "earned it". Yet so many less attractive women put in way more effort and still can't even compare.

Not saying there can't be thing that are hard in their life, like their family situation and other life conditions. Or they might accidentally choose malignant narcissist as boyfriend. But when it comes to finding relationship and acceptance, they should just recognized their privilege.

what sorts of spaces do you look for potential partners in (i.e what communities do you frequent)? you mentioned that you'd been developing basic social competency by talking to as many people as possible. what deterred you from continuing?

 

[Sadbanana]

what sorts of spaces do you look for potential partners in (i.e what communities do you frequent)? you mentioned that you'd been developing basic social competency by talking to as many people as possible. what deterred you from continuing?

Well I changed schools twice, in order to find friends. Both times, at begining it went ok, but after some time it people lost interest in me, probably because I was cringe. A few times I tried to open up to some friends that acted caring, about my social anxiety and stuff, but it they just sort of avoiding me. Later I also went to some places like bars and so to chat with strangers, it did work a bit(not great) , but I still felt lonely, because I guess needed some close friends not just chit chat with bunch of strangers so it was difficult to keep going. I ve read a bunch of books on social skill, it also helped to realize many mistakes I was making. But I noticed, that when I'm nervous I still can't stop myself from making them. I also found out how much status actually metter and that I have almost none.

When it comes to women I was texting with at least hundred or more girls, at first I was really getting better in it. I was capable to be funny as I never imagined I can. But few girls played games saying that they really like me and care about me and how much they want to meet me in peraon, but after like month of texting ghosting me. So I noticed that now when I do text with someone now I can't help but keep a lot of distance and I'm no longer funny or interesting, just emotionless.

Then I remembered my childhood and how much other kids avoided me. Also I remember how nice girls treated other guys in my old friend group and how they just looked at me as if I was some disgusting insect. And now that I remember, I think even at that age their social skills were better than mine now. These memories that I have been ignoring broke me. The more I get rejected the more impact they have on my mental health. I'm realizing I'm just an asperger wierdo and no metter how much I try I'll never escape it, I'll never compare to neurotipical people that never even tried. I don't want to be asperger, I never asked for it, it's humilitating and it could have happen to everyone when they were born. They are just lucky, yet they act like they are superior. Id probably preffer non existance over this bullshit.

 

[pyx]

Well I changed schools twice, in order to find friends. Both times, at begining it went ok, but after some time it people lost interest in me, probably because I was cringe. A few times I tried to open up to some friends that acted caring, about my social anxiety and stuff, but it they just sort of avoiding me. Later I also went to some places like bars and so to chat with strangers, it did work a bit(not great) , but I still felt lonely, because I guess needed some close friends not just chit chat with bunch of strangers so it was difficult to keep going. I ve read a bunch of books on social skill, it also helped to realize many mistakes I was making. But I noticed, that when I'm nervous I still can't stop myself from making them. I also found out how much status actually metter and that I have almost none.

When it comes to women I was texting with at least hundred or more girls, at first I was really getting better in it. I was capable to be funny as I never imagined I can. But few girls played games saying that they really like me and care about me and how much they want to meet me in peraon, but after like month of texting ghosting me. So I noticed that now when I do text with someone now I can't help but keep a lot of distance and I'm no longer funny or interesting, just emotionless.

Then I remembered my childhood and how much other kids avoided me. Also I remember how nice girls treated other guys in my old friend group and how they just looked at me as if I was some disgusting insect. And now that I remember, I think even at that age their social skills were better than mine now. These memories that I have been ignoring broke me. The more I get rejected the more impact they have on my mental health. I'm realizing I'm just an asperger wierdo and no metter how much I try I'll never escape it, I'll never compare to neurotipical people that never even tried. I don't want to be asperger, I never asked for it, it's humilitating and it could have happen to everyone when they were born. They are just lucky, yet they act like they are superior. Id probably preffer non existance over this bullshit.

do you go to university? joining clubs might interest you, and it sounds like you need to gain a higher degree of social competency with circles which include women, though i understand that that may sound like empty advice. it's good that you chatted up strangers in bars, but remember that the particular environment you are in will affect the intra-social motives of the people there: bars are good for small-talk, but not for establishing long-term relationships, generally speaking. but i still think that experience within these spaces is best, since you won't have to refer to any conversational playbook in order to streamline meaningful interactions. these communities don't offer as many social incursions, so you can view it as 'practice' without consequence.

also, do you feel as if, every time you make a social blunder, you incur a loss, either mentally or socially?

you've texted hundreds of girls? were you in a position to ask any of them out on a date? prolonged conversation over text will often dry up, which is why people prefer face-to-face interactions. and yeah, there is certainly a lot of forethought you need to put into clever responses; in person, spur of the moment humor, so long as it doesn't immediately disqualify you in their eyes (edgy jokes, which are a bit of a gamble), will often work in your favor, if there is a base-line level of attraction.

there is certainly a lot of hierarchical components involved in socializing, but it's quite different from highschool. this is why i often say that university is the best environment for streamlining connections, since there is a mutual understanding that developing a social network is necessary for acquiring present and future wants. i understand how difficult it must be to feel as if you can never achieve what most can naturally, despite how hard you may work for it. it's a curse, but i believe it can be overcome, though it requires an inordinate amount of effort which will feel insurmountable to many, rightly so. you are 100% justified in feeling that the rules of the game are rigged, which they are.

i do understand your willingness to give up. i'm personally in the same boat, where, despite theorycrafting interpersonal relationships for hours on end, my results have been minimal at best. but i think the most important thing which really determines whether or not you have the potential to do well socially is a matter of resource allocation: it's about judicatively accumulating experiences in order to be able to find habits of practice which work best for you, which thence can be reduced to basic principles which you can adhere to. if you're young, then all the more reason to try to accrue as much experience as possible in order that, when you're in a position to enter into relationships, you can operate without betraying expectations. neurotypical people who are socially integrated often accrue these experiences at a young age, where social speciation is modeled out of social response.

in terms of relationships, my view is that you can't have them without first attaining a standard of social adequacy required for providing value. anyway, anything i say can be taken with a grain of salt, as i view practical experience as king. honestly, so long as you produce practical outcomes, any mentality is permissible. a lot of people in this thread have been saying that you've internalized some misogyny, which i find ridiculous. having said that, is there anything that could indicate to others that you hold these views? if so, then judicatively suppressing them would be best; it's not a matter of changing them, but conforming to social resposne, though i really doubt that you do hold such views in the first place

 

[Sadbanana]

do you go to university? joining clubs might interest you, and it sounds like you need to gain a higher degree of social competency with circles which include women, though i understand that that may sound like empty advice. it's good that you chatted up strangers in bars, but remember that the particular environment you are in will affect the intra-social motives of the people there: bars are good for small-talk, but not for establishing long-term relationships, generally speaking. but i still think that experience within these spaces is best, since you won't have to refer to any conversational playbook in order to streamline meaningful interactions. and those kinds of spaces don't offer as many social incursions, so you can view it as 'practice' without consequence.

also, do you feel as if, every time you make a social blunder, you incur a loss, either mentally or socially?

you've texted hundreds of girls? were you in a position to ask any of them out on a date? prolonged conversation over text will often dry up, which is why people prefer face-to-face interactions. and yeah, there is certainly a lot of forethought you need to put into clever responses; in person, spur of the moment humor, so long as it doesn't immediately disqualify you in their eyes (edgy jokes, which are a bit of a gamble), will often work in your favor, if there is a base-line level of attraction.

there is certainly a lot of hierarchical components involved in socializing, but it's quite different from highschool. this is why i often say that university is the best environment for streamlining connections, since there is a mutual understanding that developing a social network is necessary for acquiring present and future wants. i understand how difficult it must be to feel as if you can never achieve what most can naturally, despite how hard you may work for it. it's a curse, but i believe it can be overcome, though it requires an inordinate amount of effort which will feel insurmountable to many, rightly so. you are 100% justified in feeling that the rules of the game are rigged, which they are.

i do understand your willingness to give up. i'm personally in the same boat, where, despite theorycrafting interpersonal relationships for hours on end, my results have been minimal at best. but i think the most important thing which really determines whether or not you have the potential to do well socially is a matter of resource allocation: it's a matter of judicatively accumulating experiences in order to be able to find habits of practice which work best for you, which thence can be reduced to basic principles which you can adhere to. if you're young, then all the more reason to try to accrue as much experience as possible in order that, when you're in a position to enter into relationships, you can operate without betraying expectations. neurotypical people who are socially integrated often accrue these experiences at a young age, where social speciation is modeled out of social response.

in terms of relationships, my view is that you can't have them without first attaining a standard of social adequacy required for providing value. anyway, anything i say can be taken with a grain of salt, as i view practical experience as king. honestly, so long as you produce practical outcomes, any mentality is permissible. a lot of people in this thread have been saying that you've internalized some misogyny, which i find ridiculous. having said that, is there anything that could indicate to others that you hold these views? if so, then judicatively suppressing them would be best; it's not a matter of changing them, but conforming to social resposne, though i really doubt that you do hold such views in the first place

I don't hold them. In past I used to watch blackpilled videos, but I found them ridiculous, there is some truth to them, but it is market that tries to sell disparity by exagerating problems. Tbh I wish I've never clicked at shit, it definitely didn't help my mental health.

Thank you for your encouragement. I feel that if most people instad of denigrating and belittling my problems would accept I have it really difficult, I would feel much more encouraged to keep going.

 

[Forever Sleep]

No, I'm not. Women in general don't like it when guys pretend to have it hard. Nobody likes it when anyone pretends to have it hard.

That's true. Even if it's justified, it can be exhausting/annoying to be with someone who has such a massive chip on their shoulder. Especially when it's framed as- you personally have it so much easier than me. How can they possibly know for a start?

And that can be anything- anything they insist you are 'privelaged' to have. Who actually likes to be told they're 'lucky'? Likely only people who genuinely do acknowledge that they are privelaged I imagine. Or, those used to getting that kind of lecture from things like religion. But, I imagine most people feel like they struggle in life or, they worked hard to get what they have.

I'd openly acknowledge that part of the reason I don't have a guy is because I'm not attractive and I don't even make the effort to be now. But also, I carry a chip on my shoulder and I carry a lot of suspicions, prejudices and distrust towards men. Whether it's justified or not, it wouldn't help in finding one!

Not calling the OP out to be an incel but I wish incels would consider that it could well be their attitude that puts women off just as much as everything else.

 

[Sadbanana]

That's true. Even if it's justified, it can be exhausting/annoying to be with someone who has such a massive chip on their shoulder. Especially when it's framed as- you personally have it so much easier than me. How can they possibly know for a start?

And that can be anything- anything they insist you are 'privelaged' to have. Who actually likes to be told they're 'lucky'? Likely only people who genuinely do acknowledge that they are privelaged I imagine. Or, those used to getting that kind of lecture from things like religion. But, I imagine most people feel like they struggle in life or, they worked hard to get what they have.

I'd openly acknowledge that part of the reason I don't have a guy is because I'm not attractive and I don't even make the effort to be now. But also, I carry a chip on my shoulder and I carry a lot of suspicions, prejudices and distrust towards men. Whether it's justified or not, it wouldn't help in finding one!

Not calling the OP out to be an incel but I wish incels would consider that it could well be their attitude that puts women off just as much as everything else.

Well its not true that everyone worked hard to get what they have, like did they do something good in their past life or what. It's also hard for me to trust women when so many of them treated me like garbage. It's not just men that can be awful.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Well its not true that everyone worked hard to get what they have, like did they do something good in their past life or what. It's also hard for me to trust women when so many of them treated me like garbage. It's not just men that can be awful.

Oh, definitely- women can be terrible too. And yes, personal bad experience is bound to hugely affect our judgement.

But no- even people who have it all, likely do have to work for it. Attractive men and women look like that in part because they watch what they eat, they exercise, they take care of themselves. If they have money, they probably do have to work hard and deal with lots of stress to get it. Maybe they got better genes to begin with to get all that stuff but, I don't think everyone that has good odds is just breezing through life.

I don't know, I used to feel a lot more bitter about it when I was younger- in my 20's especially. I've mellowed and started to accept more now that I'm in my 40's. Plus, I can't say I look at many relationships with envy if I'm honest! I suppose I started to wonder if what I was so desperately wanting would even be all that good!

 

[EmptyEater]

What do you expect will happen if you get in a relationship? What will you gain from it?
Why pursue something you clearly dislike? Because you were conditioned to tie your self worth to being in a relationship?

Why do people have to know who you lost your virginity to anyway?

 

[Mirrory Me]

Some people need something deeper then that to survive in life, but there are also other forms of love beside just having physical contact.

 

[justkatie]

Look, I might be a rude bitch but I feel like some of your responses are a kind of rude and aren't very good...

They never implied that women don't have their own psych issues to deal with or that they are uncaring monsters, just that they think that their poor mental health has likely contributed in their issues with finding a partner. That's an understandable as most people in general do not want to get with those who have a lot of baggage.

What a fucking weird thing to come after them for. They just said they used to try and talk to as many women in possible, probably because that is just an aspect in trying to find a partner. You kind of have to start somewhere. I mean, I found my bf because I was spending my time interacting a lot with different men online. I don't see how that statement is offensive.

What is that supposed to mean? Is this supposed to be your way of implying what I think you are implying, because if so that is going too fucking far.

While I understand that the way how they phrased it isn't great, I'm pretty sure what they mean by "women being worth it or not" is more in reference to whether or not finding a partner is worth it or not. They are likely trying to communicate that they don't know about if their quest to find romance is truly worth their time in continuing on or not rather than it being them trying to imply that they view women as objects. The phrasing of it is awkward, but it is not enough to draw definitive conclusions on whether or no they view us as objects.


This isn't to say that I completely disagree with you. @Sadbanana , you do clearly have some misogynistic views that you should really work on. This part of your now deleted post really highlights this:


Women do not tend to like guys who happen to have the whole "uh, women have it so easy" type mentality, especially with how dismissive it is towards the struggles that women go through. Along with that, this statement easily applies in the reverse. You could argue that attractive men just need to approach and hit on a woman he likes and he'll probably get with her without much effort, but we rarely see this being brought up. Instead, when talking about issues with finding a partner, it's always "ugh, women have it easy". This ends up highlighting some clear biases you have that you should work on...

Some great points here.

I totally understand a lot of the frustrations that a lot of men have, the idea that women can just sleep with anyone at any time just because we're women is just a bit weird.

 

[escape_from_hell]

This post is in response to the original question and not the subsequent discussion.

I lost my virginity to a prostitute. I was deployed to a warzone just prior to that. I was about your age, slightly younger. I figured I was going to die alone in a hellhole before that anyway.
But, still.
I felt AWFUL. Losing my virginity to a prostitute affirmed to me my worthlessness, that I HAD to resort to paying a person who was absolutely revolted by my presence to tolerate what would be a grotesque act to them. Like being paid to eat poop or something.

Take a look at your sexual style. It is a popular notion that men are rapists, spending most of their free time hanging out in alleys eager to rape at any opportunity. This does not apply to me at all. If there is ANY indication from a woman that she is not into it, does not find me attractive, might have other motives for sexual activity etc, I will feel extremely self-conscious, dejected, unaroused. The concept of rape doesn't even make sense to me, because what is arousing to me is that she WANTS me, in that way, not as a sugar daddy either. I was young and decent looking at the time, and before I had sex with the prostitute, I explained that I was a virgin. I laid out the money. I said she gets the money whether she does anything or not; it was her choice if we had sex. She said she wanted to, so we did. Even so, I STILL felt like fucking SCUM.

Now, there surely are some men who are completely psychopath, rape, choke, don't give a fuck relentless sexual style. That's not me, but it might be you. And there are some women who like that sort of thing, and I've felt uncomfortable at times with women asking for it rougher and rougher, choking etc...like, I don't want to end up in jail from what they are requesting, walking that line is too much to worry about--how about we just fuck. Anyway, if you are this type, just a ruthless horndog who could care less if the woman wants you are not, a prostitute will be no issue at all and you should go for it.

Having had sex with many non-prostitutes since that time, I can see the two prostitutes I was with in those first few days after the war enjoyed it. There was no way to know it until being in a relationship with a manipulator, sex with women that just sort of lost interest once things got heavy--this can happen with really long dates leading up to a one night stand etc, sometimes people get tired or partied too much and sex is delayed with too much foreplay etc. Sometimes it will be enjoyable, other times not -- it is seldom just right. For me I guess the common theme for satisfaction are indicators from the women that she is highly aroused in a raw sense, actually wants it, talks dirty, asks for something, claws at my back, grabs my ass to pull me in closer etc. This probably stems from my absolutely horrendous self-esteem, though. And not all women will be freaks, the indicators of interest may not be as blatant as "give me that hot cum" or something, but eventually you can tell if someone wants you there or not, and loud moaning can you make question things "is this fake?" etc.

Having sex with a prostitute, if you are like me and are craving being desired by a woman, may actually ramp up your feelings of dejection, rejection, maybe even anxiety and overall esteem. Overall, it probably permanently fucked me up psychologically in SOME way, but by reaching that age as a virgin and through a deployment already, it was just one more factor. HOWEVER, it DID remove the mysterious allure of "oh wow what is sex, just how magical and great is it" in that you will understand most of the physical sensations. Arousal is a modulator. Just think of times you've masturbated, probably with various levels of satisfaction and intensity. The prostitute experience, especially as a first time, will probably rank low-mid in that regard. There is a chance she might be into it though, I was lucky in that sense. But you may not know till later, like me. So, the oversold enigma will be taken care of. It will be off the 'bucket list' and you may feel more ready for a real opportunity. That is what I got out of it. The first sex with a non-prostitute was not great, by the way, but it felt like "okay now at least I had sex without money being the primary factor."

Also, all feelings of sexual satisfaction are temporary. You will still feel like shit and unwanted unless you have willing partners always available. This is very rare for most men, even in relationships--there are relationships where both partners are not really sexually into each other, and you've probably heard about the dying down of the sexual passions after familiarization in many relationships.

 

[amnesia999]

do you go to university?

Going to a college/university where they have co-ed dorms (especially when boys and girls live on the same floor) is a great way to meet women. Live on campus, go to the parties, eat with the other students, and find people of the opposite sex that you like. Yes, that's something many people can't afford to do, but it can lead you to a relationship or two or three. Even for someone with social anxiety, like me.

(Man this thread has become really long and verbose.)

 

[Sadbanana]

This post is in response to the original question and not the subsequent discussion.

I lost my virginity to a prostitute. I was deployed to a warzone just prior to that. I was about your age, slightly younger. I figured I was going to die alone in a hellhole before that anyway.
But, still.
I felt AWFUL. Losing my virginity to a prostitute affirmed to me my worthlessness, that I HAD to resort to paying a person who was absolutely revolted by my presence to tolerate what would be a grotesque act to them. Like being paid to eat poop or something.

Take a look at your sexual style. It is a popular notion that men are rapists, spending most of their free time hanging out in alleys eager to rape at any opportunity. This does not apply to me at all. If there is ANY indication from a woman that she is not into it, does not find me attractive, might have other motives for sexual activity etc, I will feel extremely self-conscious, dejected, unaroused. The concept of rape doesn't even make sense to me, because what is arousing to me is that she WANTS me, in that way, not as a sugar daddy either. I was young and decent looking at the time, and before I had sex with the prostitute, I explained that I was a virgin. I laid out the money. I said she gets the money whether she does anything or not; it was her choice if we had sex. She said she wanted to, so we did. Even so, I STILL felt like fucking SCUM.

Now, there surely are some men who are completely psychopath, rape, choke, don't give a fuck relentless sexual style. That's not me, but it might be you. And there are some women who like that sort of thing, and I've felt uncomfortable at times with women asking for it rougher and rougher, choking etc...like, I don't want to end up in jail from what they are requesting, walking that line is too much to worry about--how about we just fuck. Anyway, if you are this type, just a ruthless horndog who could care less if the woman wants you are not, a prostitute will be no issue at all and you should go for it.

Having had sex with many non-prostitutes since that time, I can see the two prostitutes I was with in those first few days after the war enjoyed it. There was no way to know it until being in a relationship with a manipulator, sex with women that just sort of lost interest once things got heavy--this can happen with really long dates leading up to a one night stand etc, sometimes people get tired or partied too much and sex is delayed with too much foreplay etc. Sometimes it will be enjoyable, other times not -- it is seldom just right. For me I guess the common theme for satisfaction are indicators from the women that she is highly aroused in a raw sense, actually wants it, talks dirty, asks for something, claws at my back, grabs my ass to pull me in closer etc. This probably stems from my absolutely horrendous self-esteem, though. And not all women will be freaks, the indicators of interest may not be as blatant as "give me that hot cum" or something, but eventually you can tell if someone wants you there or not, and loud moaning can you make question things "is this fake?" etc.

Having sex with a prostitute, if you are like me and are craving being desired by a woman, may actually ramp up your feelings of dejection, rejection, maybe even anxiety and overall esteem. Overall, it probably permanently fucked me up psychologically in SOME way, but by reaching that age as a virgin and through a deployment already, it was just one more factor. HOWEVER, it DID remove the mysterious allure of "oh wow what is sex, just how magical and great is it" in that you will understand most of the physical sensations. Arousal is a modulator. Just think of times you've masturbated, probably with various levels of satisfaction and intensity. The prostitute experience, especially as a first time, will probably rank low-mid in that regard. There is a chance she might be into it though, I was lucky in that sense. But you may not know till later, like me. So, the oversold enigma will be taken care of. It will be off the 'bucket list' and you may feel more ready for a real opportunity. That is what I got out of it. The first sex with a non-prostitute was not great, by the way, but it felt like "okay now at least I had sex without money being the primary factor."

Also, all feelings of sexual satisfaction are temporary. You will still feel like shit and unwanted unless you have willing partners always available. This is very rare for most men, even in relationships--there are relationships where both partners are not really sexually into each other, and you've probably heard about the dying down of the sexual passions after familiarization in many relationships.

If I were to describe what I really want, is what those young couples have that you can see when you are for example on the buss stop, you know those that are constantly hugging and the girl seems to be extremely happy about the guy. For me that's the purest and best kind of shit there is in this earthly life, but it is not like I can really have that. Actually when I think about this it triggers all those negative thoughts, in my opinion it is something everyone should experience because it is human birthright, similarly like childhood things and stuff like playing football with friends and stuff. And I hope one day in future it it will be possible for everyone to experience.

What you are saying is a bit what I'm afraid of. If the prostitute didn't enjoy it, or even pretend to enjoy it I guess would feel extremely bad. Plus it costs like a lot of money. But on the other hand why should I take it so serously and focus on perfection. This world is hell anyway. And even if I had that kind of relationship later in life I doubt having sex before would spoil it so much. My first kiss was also terrible and I don't think it leaved any scars on me. And maybe it will be ok, maybe you have been with a terrible prostitute, I have heard many of the try to talk to you and validate you and stuff. So I'm still decided to do it.

 

[Chili]

I'm 23 male. I have light asperger(maybe, not confirmed but makes sence) and adhd, social anxiety. Also cptsd, because my parents broke up andlot of things in my childhood were awful. I'm sort of giving up on looking for girlfriend. I know girls can smell my psychological problems and don't find them attractive. I used to try to talk to as many as possible, because I had some hope it will help, but only thing it helped so far was getting heart broken and feeling like a complete loser. I know if I was able to do this strategy, maybe like couple more year, grinding and trying to prove myself to this dumb society instead of enjoying my life, it would eventually work maybe. I'm not able to tho, I'm very sensitive person and this is just more than I can handle, doing it makes me suicidial.

Now I'm kind of thinking is it all even worth it are women worth it. Not saying that they are bad or something. But are they worth it, for me to put in this much effort, becuase to me it is just completely fucked up. Most attractive woman just sit back and chose between many guys that aproach them and then judge them, instead of having to do literally anything, how where is the part it's fair? I want to spit on this whole "game", this is not what love is supposed to be.

I'm tired of being virgin, I want sex. Finding a prostitute that satisfy my standards isn't difficult. But I was idealistic my whole life, hoping I'll lose my virginity during some sort of wholesome long-term relationship, I'm also very romantic person, I'm afraid what if doing it like this will make me feel worse. And maybe it will make me feel better and help me relax a bit, realize things are not that serious, maybe it will actually help me to get through that barrier inside me and open up, maybe it's good to throw my idealism out a window.

Do you think this is a loser thing to do? If I ever have girlfirend after will I be able to tell her without, her finding me repulsive for doing it?

I wouldn't say women dislike Asperger's/mental health concerns, but I don't know you personally. They're probably sensing something else if they're uninterested in you. I think you would do a lot better with finding happiness with yourself instead of expecting a woman to give it to you. It's a bad expectation that will never happen because it's not your partner's job to "cure" you.

Virginity is a social construct. It doesn't matter. If you want to sleep/fake date a prostitute, do it. If you don't, don't. It doesn't matter what a future girlfriend will think about you because if she's not willing to accept 100% of you, it wasn't meant to be. This goes both ways, so expect to be okay with her having a history too.

Finding a partner is not guaranteed to make you happy, and if you're only looking for women based on how attractive they are rather than their personality, you'll never find anyone. We all die someday, and if you're in a long term relationship she'll eventually get old, wrinkly, and die. It's never pretty. Just be okay with finding someone you would ENJOY spending the rest of your time with rather than chasing looks.

And sex is not life changing. I'm sorry. You can lose your virginity, but you will wake up the next day as the same man. Good luck in your journey

 

[steppenwolf]

Depends on the prostitute.

 

[Sadbanana]

Well, it was terrible. It felt super impersonal, almost like a hospital checkup. Which was a big turn off for me. She didn't look like on her photos. Didn't let me do almost anything to her, like touching or kissing, only the main thing . It just costed a lot. And I don't even feel like I had sex.

Honestly, now I'm a bit more suicidial. I mean I probably picked a short straw and got a bad one. But if this is what sex is like, Idk if I wanna live anymore. It was one of a few things I heard are supposed to be good in life. I hate being human with emotions and shit, it would be much easier without them.

 

[yabujin]

That's how I lost mine, someone got concerned about me and bought me a prosti for a night.

— No it's not worth it all, worst way to lose it because you're doing it with someone you don't like much and if you don't know how good they are in bed. (Mine didn't know what she was doing smh)