it is okay to love other people
simply understand her and what she is cool with, and understand yourself and what you are cool with, and you two can work towards a connection that both of you love and are comfortable with: whatever that may look like as it goes :)
as with all good things: take it easy: take it slowly: take it as it comes.
this is a good thing in your life, this lovely person. it's easy to feel like we don't deserve such lovely people :). But "deserve" is an incoherent thing—what matters is not what we "deserve" or "not deserve", but how comfortable we feel, and how comfortable others feel. It's not about divine justice or karma, but about trying to find the good life for ourselves, and for those we love, too. whatever that kind of love may be.
You are not burdening her with your feelings. You take so much care of thinking whether she is comfortable, that you practically ensure that you
will respect her own wants the most. But it's okay to want to grow closer to a person. You have no ill intent. You simply want care and connection in your life: and that's OK. :)
Don't force yourself to hide all your emotions. It's OK to not want to act in ways that make
you feel uncomfortable and immoral. But you also should allow yourself to accidentally send little signals to show you really appreciate her as well. Simple things, whatever you feel comfortable with.
Don't fear having romantic emotions. Strong friendships often persist through romantic emotions. It's very possible you might grow close to her, fall in love, fall out of love, and have a strong friendship remaining, benefitting your life for the better.
Above all: different types of love are possible. Allow yourself to feel what you feel.
You are not hurting her at all: you are simply being honest with yourself. This will avoid you from hurting yourself, too, through feeling bottled up inside. You can try writing poetry or letters in private to express any pent up emotions you have. You should allow yourself to make friendships with people, even if you fear you might "burden them" with involuntary romantic emotions.
You get to decide how your connections play out. Not your emotions. You get to decide how you work with your emotions: you have the power to decide how you want your actions to be.
You should take as slowly as you wish. You might feel unsure now; so accept this feeling of being unsure and respect yourself for it, say "I shouldn't force myself if it doesn't feel right to me", and engage in good things in a manner that you feel is most agreeable and truly comforting to thine conscience.
Eventually, you will feel many parts of yourself as a person to be deeply healed from this fond connection. I won't say everything will be sunshine and rainbows. But it
will feel better than before. Spending time in the warmth of human connection and solemn recognition is very different indeed from existing in the space of isolation and invisibility. You should allow yourself to embrace the changes that will come: within you.
Did they get you to trade
Your heroes for ghosts?
Hot ashes for trees?
Hot air for a cool breeze?
Cold comfort for change?
—Wish You Were Here, Pink Floyd
Love is not debt. You might feel like you will be obligated to pay all of this, that a charge will soon be racking the wallet of your soul and you might be unable to keep up and pay back on time. But it's more complex than that. It's not as simple as that.
Windmill, windmill for the land
Turn forever hand in hand
Take it all in on your stride
It is sticking, falling down
Love forever, love is free
Let's turn forever, you and me
Windmill, windmill for the land
Is everybody in?
To give love is good enough—I believe she is already satisfied with you. You need not impress her at all: it is clear that what she likes is to experience your company, and that she considers this thing itself as quite worthwhile, quite satisfactory.
To give gifts activates the same circuits in the brain as eating chocolate. She enjoyed to give that gift to you just as much as you did to receive it. The facial expressions quite reveal much of how much joy is given, and I am quite sure you communicated your gratefulness for that very gift quite most eloquently in that regard.
You give her happiness as well. I think it shall be good for you to delight in this too as well :).
