Perhaps, a perspective from a man who self-identifies as a misogynist might help. Mind you, I don't go around sharing this and this is the first time I have. This is probably going to be one of the dumbest posts I've ever made on this site but here we go.
Guess we may first need to start at what degree of misogynist I am without going into a massive essay which will be hard. Most people would never be able to tell. I am generally respectful to everyone, man or woman. I don't make posts on the internet disparaging women. I feel a sense of mistrust towards them due to past bad experiences which repeated, which I should add are not related to dating in any way, as I've never been in a relationship. Some people say the past shouldn't define a group. I would agree, doesn't mean I can't shake those feelings.
I'm not exactly the frothing-at-the-mouth angry stereotypical incel that would be able to provide better insight. I'm simply where they
started before becoming like that, the first stage if you want to think of it like that. I'm trying to say in a really roundabout way that I will be friends with women and treat them nicely despite having negative attitudes that I try not to share. Never saw a point in doing so because the reaction would be harsh. My feelings don't matter in this context, everybody else's are what's important.
Whether this makes me inherently a bad person is up to you. I think it gives me bad aspects but doesn't make me into a complete ass if you ask me. Generally, my conduct is to try to be as nice and respectful as possible, and simply keep my thoughts to myself. Everybody has hateful thoughts, doesn't mean you should share them.
Anyways,
who say how worried they are they might have to 'settle' for someone (flattery gets you everywhere,)
In my mind, when I think of "settle" I think of myself as so pathetic that only someone more pathetic than me would ever want me, but women who are more pathetic than me can still do better.
Do you suppose they treat their actual partners well?
Probably. Probably not. Neither are the correct nor incorrect answer. My philosophy is that if you treat even the most bitter person with compassion they'll eventually show themselves to be decent human beings. Perhaps these people, once they're shown love become good people. Perhaps they are shit. Who's to say? Some people's problems aren't actually with women but they need some kind of outlet. Men are generally not allowed to show any negative emotion
except anger. So perhaps their problem isn't with women, but it's other stuff in their life and they're just using misogyny as an outlet for it. This last part, well I doubt my own logic on it but it's a thought I guess?
it's that woman's choice. Should any of us be pittied for our choices? That's kind of patronising.
I quite often look at real relationships and feel sorry for the guy
I'll just point out that there's some mixed messaging going on between these two quotes, but I'm getting the sense that
you feel patronized when feeling pity, but still feel pity for others. That sounds perfectly natural and reasonable to me. Unless I'm wrong, in which case correct me. I don't think pity is bad, simply that some people don't like being pitied. Some people like you might find it patronizing. Others want to be pitied. Being patronized when receiving pity but also giving pity at the same time is also not bad. Again, this is wholly dependent on the person involved, but I don't think black-and-white thinking gets anywhere here. I think it's their intent that's what matters.
The way you fix the incel/misogyny/anything hateful problem is by drilling down to
why someone has those thoughts. And again, this doesn't mean trying to shut down their arguments and prove them wrong. That will just get a hostile reaction. They're already hostile in the first place because they're waiting for you to do just that. This is going to sound absolutely insane but allowing them a voice and not invalidating them until they feel comfortable and start revealing their more normal side is, what I think anyway, the solution is. Once you get to the human side you'll realize that they don't actually fully believe in that crap and will point out that they are indeed flawed. They are doing it for a reason, it gives them
something. Once you figure out that something you can work on it from there, and when I say you I mean the incel/misogynist, not everybody else.
How am I so sure? Because it worked on me through introspection though I'm not all the way there. And it's worked on people I've talked to. But I'm just some rando on the internet. I've had a 100% success rate for like, 4 people. Doubtful it's gonna work on a large scale.
Those are just my thoughts from the perspective of "the other side" if you will. I'm honestly not sure if I'm being a complete idiot right now or not, so I'm welcome to criticism.
