why do women who prefer short men seem to not exist?

[derpyderpins]

and I don't mean tolerate, but actually prefer short over tall. There are many guys who prefer overweight women for example, and a wide variety of body types on women.

I want to focus on your actual question here: why do some men prefer overweight women while (almost) no women prefer short men? Because it's interesting.

I'll start with plainly stating the premise: in general, a woman being overweight is seen as less attractive, or - probably better for our purposes - less valuable in the sexual marketplace, yet some men specifically seek it out. At the same time, men meeting a threshold height is generally seen as more valuable in the sexual marketplace, and there is no noticable phenomenon of women seeking out men specifically below the threshold.

I did look at the responses already here, and a lot of people are saying something like "well I know (example) where a woman is happy with a short man." But that's not your point. Even if the end result was good, what you (and others) notice is that the lack of height is a concession or non-factor rather than a desire.

I think the best way to approach the question is to identify why we think men may desire overweight women despite the social standing, and see which of those explanations don't fit the height situation.

1.) Men like jiggly bits, and even if being overweight is in general not preferred, there is still the "benefit" of more/bigger jiggly bits. The argument would be that there is no perceived upside (not intended) to dating a shorter man.
2.) There is, culturally, a niche push for overweight women to be seen as attractive. Fat pride is a thing, and different demographics sometimes praise or favor larger women. This at least plants seeds of the benefits of being with overweight women into the minds of men. Afaik there isn't much of a push anywhere for short men to be valued, whether that is fair or not. (Other than incel/neet circles, which sadly only make the odds of such a movement happening in the future lower).
3.) Being overweight is not a permanent state of being. If I am in the mood for bigger jiggly bits, that woman could lose weight down the road. A man can't change his height, on the other hand. I don't think anyone actually thinks this way, but I listed it as a possible underlying psychological factor for why weight is easier to "get over." (Again, not intentional).
4.) Women have an upper hand in the modern dating scene, generally. Men are more desperate. Targeting a quality that is perceived as lower value could be a concious or unconscious attempt to increase odds of success. While women may not care about height or may make that concession to obtain more important qualities, they have no market-driven reason to actively seek out what is seen as a lower-value quality.

I think there is some truth mixed into those for hypothetical factors.

I urge you to consider them in a light that "it sucks that being short puts me at a disadvantage, but it's not because anyone in particular is evil or out to get me, it's an unfortunate situation presenting itself in our culture." I then suggest stepping back and considering the anecdotes offered by others here of short men in good relationships. While those comments did not answer your question directly, they are well-intended. This is something you can overcome.

 

[lonergirl_26]

Honestly women want a man taller than they are an average man is taller than the average woman. So logically speaking a smaller woman would date a smaller man. I know it does work like that but theatrically.
I guess If you like someone enough their physical appearance wouldn't matter. Most women probably wouldn't care about height.

 

[Alexei_Kirillov]

I did look at the responses already here, and a lot of people are saying something like "well I know (example) where a woman is happy with a short man." But that's not your point. Even if the end result was good, what you (and others) notice is that the lack of height is a concession or non-factor rather than a desire.

I actually disagree with this, there is a distinct advantage to being with a short man if you're an equally short woman, which is that you guys are roughly at face-level whenever you interact (whether lying down or standing up), which is honestly just more pleasant and practical. I feel like having to stand on your toes would be annoying, and not getting to snuggle your face in their neck would be a certain loss. And I'm not the only one; I'd encourage @NaturalBornNEET to peruse this reddit thread where there are more women stating an outright preference for short men due to similar logistical reasons, like how hand-holding is a lot more comfortable.

 

[derpyderpins]

I actually disagree with this, there is a distinct advantage to being with a short man if you're an equally short woman, which is that you guys are roughly at face-level whenever you interact (whether lying down or standing up), which is honestly just more pleasant and practical. I feel like having to stand on your toes would be annoying, and not getting to snuggle your face in their neck would be a certain loss. And I'm not the only one; I'd encourage @NaturalBornNEET to peruse this reddit thread where there are more women stating an outright preference for short men due to similar logistical reasons, like how hand-holding is a lot more comfortable.

Always happy to learn something new. I'm at about a 10 inch difference lol

 

[LaVieEnRose]

I agree that sexuality can feel like an awful burden and it exacerbates negative feelings about appearance. And it's more than just problems in that area that ail short males. The amount of disrespect and judgment we are subject to is literally pervasive and unavoidable in every corner of life. It colors everything. It has become unfashionable (sort of) to mock people's immutable characteristics but height of men still seems to be fair game.

And there's a lot of gaslighting directed towards short men. Of course one of the stereotypes of short men is that we're always insecure, overcompensating, angry, etc. Well some of that may be generally not uncommon but it's all a function of the aforementioned attitudes. So short men are blamed and ridiculed for feeling bad about something they're given all reason to feel bad about.

Of course life is unfair and people have different obstacles and challenges. It's just hard when a challenge is essentially an object of ridicule and judgment.

And another thing. So much talk about how trans people can only be what they were born as but it's the same people who say that who will say that unequivocally cis men who don't meet certain (physical, especially height, behavioral, emotional) criteria aren't "real men" either.

 

[YandereMikuMistress]

I don't have specific physical preferences or fetishes for any particular body type id say personally, though
my partner for example would be considered short they dont fit what other men claim a man's standard height should be, their actually the same height as you.
I think our world is so fucked and twisted, everyone's opinions aren't even fully their own like yeah preference itself feels like a construct,, ahh to mourn a 'lack' of women desiring shorter men implies an unfortunate consensus on masculine ideals, agh I had to find that word "consensus" now leading off what I was typing, that shit is all imposed by centuries of subtly dictated engineered standards,, we're all puppets wailing on a floor of thorns dangling from threads by forces greater than our fleeting desires the thought of 'attractiveness' I consider a meticulously cultivated illusion and yet don't believe what I say I'm only one opinion out of billions and that's nothing but to what I was saying it's a meticulously cultivated illusion designed to perpetuate control if our minds are consistently and perpetually being molded across generations through propaganda and societal pressure and the ruthless pursuit of conformity,,,
(⁠'⁠◉⁠⌓⁠◉⁠'⁠) can anyone truthfully claim their attraction stems from genuine unadulterated impulse
just like the argument that men are attracted to younger women we've been perpetually pushing the idea that we must constantly be reproducing or we'll all go extinct apparently,, because there's never enough sheep in a world not built for our benefit, it used to be completely normal to force children who had had their period into becoming what society defined as a woman, aka having sex and
having children with children!
we carry these barbaric standards from long ago to make excuses that even oneself in too many instances fully believes their excuses are reasonably logical based on some kind of omnipresent fact.


Btw sick PFP.

 

[NaturalBornNEET]

I don't have specific physical preferences or fetishes for any particular body type id say personally, though
my partner for example would be considered short they dont fit what other men claim a man's standard height should be, their actually the same height as you.
I think our world is so fucked and twisted, everyone's opinions aren't even fully their own like yeah preference itself feels like a construct,, ahh to mourn a 'lack' of women desiring shorter men implies an unfortunate consensus on masculine ideals, agh I had to find that word "consensus" now leading off what I was typing, that shit is all imposed by centuries of subtly dictated engineered standards,, we're all puppets wailing on a floor of thorns dangling from threads by forces greater than our fleeting desires the thought of 'attractiveness' I consider a meticulously cultivated illusion and yet don't believe what I say I'm only one opinion out of billions and that's nothing but to what I was saying it's a meticulously cultivated illusion designed to perpetuate control if our minds are consistently and perpetually being molded across generations through propaganda and societal pressure and the ruthless pursuit of conformity,,,
(⁠'⁠◉⁠⌓⁠◉⁠'⁠) can anyone truthfully claim their attraction stems from genuine unadulterated impulse
just like the argument that men are attracted to younger women we've been perpetually pushing the idea that we must constantly be reproducing or we'll all go extinct apparently,, because there's never enough sheep in a world not built for our benefit, it used to be completely normal to force children who had had their period into becoming what society defined as a woman, aka having sex and
having children with children!
we carry these barbaric standards from long ago to make excuses that even oneself in too many instances fully believes their excuses are reasonably logical based on some kind of omnipresent fact.

The people who cite that "unadulterated impulse" forget that it didn't just emerge in a vacuum, it's developed throughout our evolution and the more and more a trait is reinforced through being passed down the more that trait becomes embossed in our sense of sexual attraction. So yes as you say this impulse is malleable, and in the past century and more it's been deliberately engineered by the powers that be through media. The most annoying thing is people who think there's a difference between "evolution" and what is currently happening right now, like they really aren't able to see that evolution is always taking place including right this very moment. And another thing in our culture is, at least what I've seen, there's barely anyone who takes responsibility for their sense of attraction and on the contrary, think it's a given that their attraction is completely justified and "natural" and it's an infringement to say otherwise. Whilst it isn't wrong, it isn't "right" either, and in an ideal society we'd see how even our sexual attraction is our responsibility since it will be affected by our decisions and passed on down the generations for them to bear.

Which is why I say down with the porn industry, social media reels, dating apps, celebrity worship. A lot of this social engineering seems to be with the end goal of propping up a select few people as demi-gods in the eyes of the people

Btw sick PFP.

Thanks have you read the manga?

I agree that sexuality can feel like an awful burden and it exacerbates negative feelings about appearance. And it's more than just problems in that area that ail short males. The amount of disrespect and judgment we are subject to is literally pervasive and unavoidable in every corner of life. It colors everything. It has become unfashionable (sort of) to mock people's immutable characteristics but height of men still seems to be fair game.

And there's a lot of gaslighting directed towards short men. Of course one of the stereotypes of short men is that we're always insecure, overcompensating, angry, etc. Well some of that may be generally not uncommon but it's all a function of the aforementioned attitudes. So short men are blamed and ridiculed for feeling bad about something they're given all reason to feel bad about.

Of course life is unfair and people have different obstacles and challenges. It's just hard when a challenge is essentially an object of ridicule and judgment.

And another thing. So much talk about how trans people can only be what they were born as but it's the same people who say that who will say that perfectly cis men who don't meet certain (physical, especially height, behavioral, emotional) criteria aren't "real men" either.

Men's treatment towards me has been the worst so far, from being the target of inappropriate and repressed homosexual urges from supposed friends to being sent "I-want-to-brutalise-you-for-daring-to-exist" aura on the worst end to just contempt, ridicule and trying to force a carer-baby dynamic where I never asked for one. Granted I'm also visibly timid and reserved which to neurotypicals is an affront of the highest order akin to breaking into their houses and smashing all their plates and then slapping their wife and children and thus deserving of persecution. But a tall guy who is also timid is way less likely to be subject to the weird and hostile treatment of their short counterparts.

 

[YandereMikuMistress]

The people who cite that "unadulterated impulse" forget that it didn't just emerge in a vacuum, it's developed throughout our evolution and the more and more a trait is reinforced through being passed down the more that trait becomes embossed in our sense of sexual attraction. So yes as you say this impulse is malleable, and in the past century and more it's been deliberately engineered by the powers that be through media. The most annoying thing is people who think there's a difference between "evolution" and what is currently happening right now, like they really aren't able to see that evolution is always taking place including right this very moment. And another thing in our culture is, at least what I've seen, there's barely anyone who takes responsibility for their sense of attraction and on the contrary, think it's a given that their attraction is completely justified and "natural" and it's an infringement to say otherwise. Whilst it isn't wrong, it isn't "right" either, and in an ideal society we'd see how even our sexual attraction is our responsibility since it will be affected by our decisions and passed on down the generations for them to bear.

Which is why I say down with the porn industry, social media reels, dating apps, celebrity worship. A lot of this social engineering seems to be with the end goal of propping up a select few people as demi-gods in the eyes of the people


Thanks have you read the manga?


Men's treatment towards me has been the worst so far, from being the target of inappropriate and repressed homosexual urges from supposed friends to being sent "I-want-to-brutalise-you-for-daring-to-exist" aura on the worst end to just contempt, ridicule and trying to force a carer-baby dynamic where I never asked for one. Granted I'm also visibly timid and reserved which to neurotypicals is an affront of the highest order akin to breaking into their houses and smashing all their plates and then slapping their wife and children and thus deserving of persecution. But a tall guy who is also timid is way less likely to be subject to the weird and hostile treatment of their short counterparts.

FOR A MATTER A FACT, I have,, I have the physical collection I like to collect manga and DVDs, anyhow Inio Asano work effects me allot, like no other because it's all so real and especially goodnight pun pun, I no I'm no Aiko but her character resonates with me, I hated how popular it's gotten in the past few years its not bad an inio Asano Deserves that popularity boost but it's also made me less promoted to bring up his work when I fear it's popularity waters down the comforting nostalgic affliction his series brought me, you know when you perceive misery in a way as comfort,, and because of that pain you can't even fully admit it's there,, when that's all you really know, pain,,
Even the way Aiko communicates with others and the peculiar way she views herself and her beliefs,, commitment and pride in ones choices unable to turn back,,, I mean we made a promise.. now I'm loosing track but I have read it, I read it enough online to know I needed the physical copies

 

[alwaysalone]

I suspect there is a biological bias. Same as men will argue it's 'natural' for them to go for young, fit looking women- because it's an indicator they are fertile (apparently.) I guess women (often) go for taller men because they look more imposing/ cabable of protecting them. Not to say they are- of course. Not to say all men or women go for that either.

There can sometimes be personality traits with shorter men that aren't appealing too. Anyone with a 'chip on their shoulder' can come across more defensive/ aggressive. (Napoleon complex or syndrome.) People can often be attracted to those who are more confident, calm and comfortable with themselves.

I've known one or two shorter men who were fairly spiteful. That's not to say they all are. It's not to say it's their 'fault' either. Maybe they were made like that through years of teasing/ feeling inferior. Regardless though, it can be unpleasant to be around.

I agree with these two explanations. 'Short man syndrome' is a thing. Whether earned or not the attitude doesn't help.

 

[Dejected 55]

I feel like I should say that since I hate absolutes, since they are rarely true... the title of the thread being "why do women who prefer short men seem to not exist" is adjacent to an absolutism. Since he said "seem" he gets a pass :). But... a better question probably would have been "why are women who prefer short men hard to find" because I think that stands up to scrutiny better.

Everyone on here has been able cite an example of knowing a short man who has been with a woman... so it happens... but nobody is even daring to say it's "easy" to find such a woman... so the OP's difficulty in being accepted as he would like to be is valid. I wonder if the title had been subtly different as I suggest, if he might have gotten less disagreement to his plight.

No one has been rude that I can remember or dismissive... I think it's just a case of people saying "I know one" as if that somehow magically makes the OP's problem go away. Just like any random response a lot of us get to whatever has us depressed that kind of hand-waves our feelings by saying "other people aren't bothered by the thing that bothers you so why are you bothered."

 

[Interdegenerate]

Suicide discussed.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

Men's treatment towards me has been the worst so far, from being the target of inappropriate and repressed homosexual urges from supposed friends to being sent "I-want-to-brutalise-you-for-daring-to-exist" aura on the worst end to just contempt, ridicule and trying to force a carer-baby dynamic where I never asked for one. Granted I'm also visibly timid and reserved which to neurotypicals is an affront of the highest order akin to breaking into their houses and smashing all their plates and then slapping their wife and children and thus deserving of persecution. But a tall guy who is also timid is way less likely to be subject to the weird and hostile treatment of their short counterparts.

Well , being neurodivergent will definitely compound any other differences you have and vice versa.

 

[LostHighway]

I've been incredibly attracted to short guys. I mean, I couldn't get them out of my mind. Not because they're short. They just happened to be short. I dated a guy who was 5'1". I had a boyfriend who was my height, at 5'4". I'm older now. My best friend is a guy who is 5'3", totally bald and has one eye. I kid you not - he has had no problem with women. Why? Because he is warm, a good listener, loves to laugh, and completely respects women. So, for me anyway, height is not an issue. I mean that sincerely.

I do feel for you though and feel nothing but compassion. There are ways to develop your personality so you can feel more confident with women. Some women won't be attracted to you because you're short. But some will.

 

[YandereMikuMistress]

I feel like I should say that since I hate absolutes, since they are rarely true... the title of the thread being "why do women who prefer short men seem to not exist" is adjacent to an absolutism. Since he said "seem" he gets a pass :). But... a better question probably would have been "why are women who prefer short men hard to find" because I think that stands up to scrutiny better.

Everyone on here has been able cite an example of knowing a short man who has been with a woman... so it happens... but nobody is even daring to say it's "easy" to find such a woman... so the OP's difficulty in being accepted as he would like to be is valid. I wonder if the title had been subtly different as I suggest, if he might have gotten less disagreement to his plight.

No one has been rude that I can remember or dismissive... I think it's just a case of people saying "I know one" as if that somehow magically makes the OP's problem go away. Just like any random response a lot of us get to whatever has us depressed that kind of hand-waves our feelings by saying "other people aren't bothered by the thing that bothers you so why are you bothered."

I didn't mean for that my apologies if my last post came across insensitively I was trying to highlight that there are indeed women who don't dismiss short men, drawing from my own experiences and observations,, I'm very familiar with the struggles short men face, from hearing my partner's frustrations about being seen as 'victim weight' and more to my youngest brother's experiences. I know that feeling of being perceived as less than, and the drive to appear strong when you're not given that default perception,,, My examples were meant to illustrate, not diminish, it wasn't my intention to come off insensitively in my last post here, I'm just angry towards my ignorance.

 

[Dejected 55]

I didn't mean for that my apologies if my last post came across insensitively I was trying to highlight that there are indeed women who don't dismiss short men, drawing from my own experiences and observations,, I'm very familiar with the struggles short men face, from hearing my partner's frustrations about being seen as 'victim weight' and more to my youngest brother's experiences. I know that feeling of being perceived as less than, and the drive to appear strong when you're not given that default perception,,, My examples were meant to illustrate, not diminish, it wasn't my intention to come off insensitively in my last post here, I'm just angry towards my ignorance.

My post wasn't directed at anyone in particular. Just the general notion that we all go through when people don't understand us. I have my own set of problems, not height. For instance, when I was a young teenager and I told my mother I thought I was too ugly for anyone to like... she replied with how she used to date ugly men. That was just not a helpful comment at all, certainly not from your mother. So, anyway, I can empathize with the OP even though I'm 6' myself... I empathize in that he feels he has been left out because of something about himself that he doesn't think is a bad thing... and none of us are really able to tell him anything that discounts the reality of his concerns.

 

[incapablebutalive]

i think it depends on the woman. Because I'm 169cm and my coworker who I have feelings for is much shorter than me. I think this is hard to generalize, because my cousin's girlfriend is taller than him. And they have 2 kids together and are still happily in love.

 

[tulero]

new generations tend to put a lot of attention and importance on height

but I know a case, a friend of my father. his wife is like 1 entire head taller than him

not common to see these days.

I think the taller is the woman the less attention she tend to put on height

 

[Dejected 55]

I would be fine with a woman my height or taller even... seen some really attractive women basketball players... but I know they wouldn't have any part of the best part of me... so height kind of doesn't end up mattering.

 

[cowboypants]

I can empathize from an angle not from height but me being somewhere on the neurodiverse spectrum. Probably you are too.

I think this has way too many factors involved. I've seen short guys being in relationship and stuff. Also they were like really projecting like strong had good physical traits and looked good in general. mentally mainly lol which i think is the core component.

I on the other hand feel really weak most times. But it sometimes fluctuates to the opposite end i feel super strong prolly manic idk. I would feel mentally pretty sharp.

I gave up dating or life long back but i always like I had this want of dominating women atleast subconsciously due to my upbringing etc but you know how societal conditioning is. This dynamic can play in your favour if you find yourself seeing that. Short guys are loved by dom girls at the same time you don't need to reduce yourself to that role as I said from other examples

 

[pinkblur]

i'm 5'2" and i know exactly what you're going through. i'm also a male and in the west.

there's a lot of bs in this thread. someone said already better than i can, but confidence and a good attitude won't suddenly make things better. it's gaslighting to say that as if short guys don't already work at that or have that.

i'm sick of this life and want a new body. i'm willing to roll the dice and off myself here if that means i don't have to be in this one anymore. after my bucket list items are done, i'm out of here.

OP thank you for making this thread. i'm sorry you're plagued with the same struggles of being a short male, but it's comforting knowing i'm not the only one in this forum that feels this way.

i've made a few posts before here and people just told me not to fixate on my height so much because i have good things going for me in my life. they don't get it. but you do.

i hope that things get better for you in this life, OP.

 

[kopebaldy]

You wanna hear the ugly truth?

They exist, and there aren't lack of options for them so there's no point choosing anything but the cream of the crop.

I know a real short king, has a birthmark on his face, got bullied all the time during school. Fast forward years later meeting him in a mutual friend's wedding, dude built like a short greek god, probably one of the richest people there, super charming and funny, never has any problem with finding women.

The unfortunate truth is most shorties aren't short kings.

 

[pinkblur]

how tall are you? unless you're short too, you can only speculate. for context, i'm also extremely fit i go to the gym five days a week. i have a ton of friends in real life. i'm in a band and have worked on all those confidence aspects

people think i have no problem meeting women and it's true, i meet a lot of people every day. the only aspect i'm missing now is i'm in debt because i became suicidal.

and here's the kicker. i became suicidal because of loneliness. i had plenty of money at one point to where i didn't know what to do with it. got to the point of wondering what the point of it all is if i can't share my wealth and life with anyone but myself.

so unless you're the same height, all you can do is speculate. and gas light shorter guys into thinking it's their fault when it's a society fault.

 

[Junkhead]

Dating is complicated no matter how tall you are.
I'm 178cm, which is under average in my country. But the main factor in finding love for males was never looks, it was and will always be - the money. Other stuff can help, I mean you are evaluated all together. In my experience, women are never going to date a guy that is shorter than they are.

I've always been broke and have a loving girlfriend. I think the person matters more than the money for most people, money is just a bonus.

 

[huifu]

All of my ex boyfriends have either been shorter than me or exactly my height, my current partner it's 1 or 2 centimeters taller than me, it's just a coincidence though, I've never thought too much about height, it doesn't matter to me.
I do have heard other female friends saying they want a tall boyfriend when they talk about the "ideal guy", but it's just some kind of fantasy anyways, since in the end they've dated guys almost the same height as them or women.