Is it actually worth it?

[a.fool]

Is it actually worth trying so hard?
Is every single breath I take worth it?
I'm still living, trying to just survive, I even have started exercising to feel better. I'm trying my best to not react to the negativity that others try to put in me through their words.
The future scares me, I am scared that things won't turn out the way I want them to, but that's just life, isn't it!
I don't know what will I do if I don't get into one of the collages that I want to get in. I can't afford the other ones. I don't want to live being broke, i can't spend my life being broke.
Little things make me anxious. Suddenly I can't breathe properly. Yesterday I was making myself believe that I'm mentally ok, it's just my health which isn't ok. I don't know why was I lying to myself. I was making myself think that maybe it's not anxiety which is the reason I can't breathe, maybe it's actually something about my physical health.
The only way I can make my life better is by studying but I think I'm dumb and I can't study anymore.
Life's hard, it's actually really hard. I tried eating healthy today and I still don't feel so good. I'm trying to lose some fat for my health but now I feel like is it worth trying so hard to get better when I can just end it all.
Every single day, something happens which makes me want to just die and I don't even know why I'm trying so hard even now!

 

[Mayonaise]

I am scared that things won't turn out the way I want them to

I'll tell you one thing. When I was 22, I was attending a 1-year intensive course in Audio Engineering. Despite my efforts, I wasn't unable to land a stable job in that field.
A few years later I found other interests and ended up getting a job I loved for many years.
You may have serious issues right now, I won't deny that. But you just can't know what the future holds because it's very much up to you.
You still have plenty of time to recover and have a meaningful, happy life. Lots of hugs

 

[a.fool]

I'll tell you one thing. When I was 22, I was attending a 1-year intensive course in Audio Engineering. Despite my efforts, I wasn't unable to land a stable job in that field.
A few years later I found other interests and ended up getting a job I loved for many years.
You may have serious issues right now, I won't deny that. But you just can't know what the future holds because it's very much up to you.
You still have plenty of time to recover and have a meaningful, happy life. Lots of hugs

I don't have much time. I have already wasted 1 year for preperation and I couldn't even prepare well because of my mental health but I still tried. I can try again but I fear it'll take one more year of my life and even then I won't know if I'll succeed in getting into college.
I want to study college early so that I can help my family with finances. I don't have alot of time.

 

[Mayonaise]

I don't have much time. I have already wasted 1 year for preperation and I couldn't even prepare well because of my mental health but I still tried. I can try again but I fear it'll take one more year of my life and even then I won't know if I'll succeed in getting into college.
I want to study college early so that I can help my family with finances. I don't have alot of time.

I'm starting to understand your situation a little better. I won't ask about your family since you probably don't want to talk about it, but I really respect you for wanting to help them.