Venting Is anyone feeling the same?

[lasagneass]

I'm new to the forum, hi everyone!

So, I want to discuss something that I feel is not talked about enough. Does anyone can't even feel sadness? Just that mix of discomfort and helplessness. I'm not even feel depressed, I think that I became one with my depression and anxiety, it's who I am right now. It's such a weird time in life but I feel like I'm so far away from the "normal" people, like I'm on a different planet mental wise. I can't seek closure in anybody, my friends are leaving me one by one when I tell them how I feel. It sucks. My family is not driven by feelings too, they just want me to succeed and make money.
I just want to ctb at this point. I don't feel like I was ever bound to be alive or even to exist. Seriously, nothing in my life screams "THIS PLANET IS GLAD TO HAVE YOU HERE/PEOPLE NEED YOU". I'm just wasting oxygen.

 

[Hopeindeath!]

Welcome, I'm sorry you've been suffering. Are you on medication? Sometimes medicine like antidepressants can make you feel emotionally numb.

 

[Marcos]

I also feel like that. I'm not depressed but tired of living. I don't see the point of continuing with my life

 

[lasagneass]

Welcome, I'm sorry you've been suffering. Are you on medication? Sometimes medicine like antidepressants can make you feel emotionally numb.

I'm not on meds but I would gladly overdose on benzos or maybe barbiturates.

 

[Thereisnothing]

Welcome, nice to have you onboard and hope like I have that you find this a helpful and caring forum. I'm not depressed, just very much lost now. Often have no emotions as got so many piled up in me that is was to let go, I'd go completely mad I think. Its hard to keep functioning like this. People would say I must be depressed if suicidal, but I dont agree. I am suicidal as just lost the last person in the world I had in my life and who loved and cared about me, am alone now in real world. Plus have a multitude of physical problems which are getting worse and life with that alone is very hard.

Often I am so sad, too sad that ironically I cant even 'feel sad' if that make sense, so I can get where you are coming from in how you feel and your question. Its as though blocking my feelings is only thing that allows me to function at all. Although saying this only so long I can do this without breaking.

 

[NerdyNihilist]

Hello newcomer!

I can relate to a certain degree. I've given up on myself a long time ago. Tried many things to get better, but nothing ever seemed to work out. At this point, I don't even want to become happy anymore. I've settled with the thought that my life is useless and whatever I do, it won't make any difference. It's only a matter of time before I try to CTB again, and I hope I will succeed.

 

[SuiSqueeze92]

I feel that I don't really feel sadness much anymore because I've felt so much it's burned me out overall, I think age plays a factor as well, as in at what age your trauma(s) began. I feel as a kid it would be much more engrained in someone and would develop horrible coping skills...

Benzo abuse didn't help either causing some cognitive decline, and a whole other world of problems from that alone... that's why I try to get people off of them.

 

[beatlegirl]

I understand that. It's like you're just shocked out of the sadness to this total state of nothingness. I think about dying more than living too. It's a dark and deep spiral.

I hope you find some way to cope in the meanwhile. x