I'm repulsed/ embarassed by my own body so, I find the thought of me actually having sex with another person very awkward/ repulsive. I can't say I'm madly keen on the look of genitals of either sex too, so, the reality of it doesn't really appeal. I also had a very prudish upbringing- no sex before marriage type of deal so- that's probably influenced things. Plus, I'm female, so the thought/ risk of either getting pregnant or contracting a STD is also repulsive. (Being anti-natilist.)
Weirdly though, my fantasy relationship towards it is undiminished. It feels much safer too. No deep connection to a person I may end up wanting to leave via CTB. No fears of them straying. No need to take obsessive care of my looks. No risk of becoming pregnant or catching something. Plus, I'm lucky in that I simply don't really want anyone now. I'm able to sate my own needs.
That's what I've never really understood about casual sex. If there's little to no emotional connection there, is it really so much better than masterbation? I've also wondered whether there is a difference between the genders. More women I know of seem more ok with satisfying themselves. That may not be the case though. I'm not sure.
I've always known my ideas towards it were rather odd. Not asexual but more embarassed I suppose. It's difficult to shake off what's been ingrained in us from youth. I'm not sorry or angry about it though. I actually appreciate my prudish upbringing. Even if I'd had the opportunity, I think it would have been disasterous for me to have slept with any of the guys I had crushes on. I don't think any of those relationships would have lasted. Seeing as I put so much importance on it, I think that would have lead to a broken heart. I actually think it's important for all people to learn to have respect for themselves. Maybe not to the prudish degree I was but to know how important consent is and that it's ok to deny it.
I actually pretty much transformed: 'no sex before marriage' into: sex becoming marriage in my mind. I see it as the joining of souls- that's the best way I can describe it to me. Not that I necessarily believe in a soul. But, that it should be something very deep and serious. But then, that's because I'd want the same for a relationship- of any kind really. I'm not in to 'fair weather' or casual friendships.
Each to their own though. I have no issue with what other people want to do. I think it's important to know ourselves though and choose our own path accordingly.