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lasttogo

Waiting for.... Something
Aug 20, 2025
43
Hi. I have been here for a long time. And for the first time, I will introduce myself.

You can call me bugs. Or whatever you want. I am in my early 30's. Lasttogo felt fitting considering I have been in and out of this place for about 10 years. Just lurking. I have also been deciding when to go for the last 10 years. I haven't decided yet. I did decide that I wanted community, though, so here I am.

Nice to finally meet you all.
 
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notreallyhuman

Member
Dec 22, 2023
5
Hey!

I'm 19 years old and made an account here shortly after my 18th birthday, which was also shortly after an attempt I gave up on due to SI and asked for help resulting in an ambulance. I felt very lonely in the aftermath and had a look on here to help me process my thoughts.

Only using it properly now though as my OCD thoughts are getting a lot worse and the taboo intrusive thoughts and false memories have led me to set a date and I would like support with people who understand and won't try to stop me in the lead up.

Apart from that I was born with a disability and am terrified to live in this world with it.

Otherwise, I'm currently a uni student and I enjoy things like crochet and reading.
 
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AfroWarTiger

Member
Aug 16, 2025
8
Hello. I got eye damage and hearing loss with major depression.
 
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Tord

Tord

Student
Jun 11, 2025
178
Greetings,

my first introduction has become.... outdated, so here I am again. I want to make sure I leave my base story somewhere before I ever die. I don't want to be another ''silent statistic''.


I am a German woman. A lot of people skip over that when they read my masculine sounding usernames... My name is Lucy.

I speak English, German, Norwegian, Finnish, and Russian. I should have been born in Norway - was born at a stay in Germany instead. Got given away. Lived here and never left hometown. Never lived more than 10 minutes away from the hospital I was delivered in, I'll likely die in there too.

Never had sex, never had a relationship, never someone told me that they love me at my age, but I don't really care. I view myself as a violent freak due to my illness of body and mind - ever asked how suffering a mental trauma affects people? Right here. It's me. On a recent post I mentioned I made decision to want to ctb 10+ years ago, it's true. I already knew in my very very youth that I liked the concept of suicide and wanted that.

I like Metal music, true crime, colorful & goofy Western cartoons, and firearms. I know, what a combination..... I was born into a belief I still follow to this day and it means a lot to me, as it will allow me to see the things and people I love again after I beat this (metaphorical) test of life and live freely which I never could in this life.

I play a dominant role in my life but no one really ever wanted to get to know me beyond that. I have an INTJ personality type.


Hopefully that wasn't too much, I've once again left my introduction in a spoiler to not make you have to scroll extra. Enjoy!!!!


Regards
 
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Venateration

Venateration

New Member
Jun 4, 2025
4
(I don't think I made one of these yet, so here :) )

hello! I go by Emory, I like black metal, k-pop, art, history, music and a bunch of other things!

I'm on here to help and support others as well as finding my own way to ctb!

I have Separation anxiety, depression, sensory possessing disorder, chronic pain (from scoliosis) and a slew of other issues.
 
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Rainbow Dash

Rainbow Dash

Aspie
Aug 11, 2024
147
Hello all new users!

"How am I blest in thus discovering thee!
To enter in these bonds, is to be free;"
—John Donne, "To His Mistress Going to Bed"
 
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Upon a hanging Body

Upon a hanging Body

Angel of Death
Jan 5, 2025
874
I'm not new but I never gave a introduction for myself so here
Name ;Hela

Age ; 26
Gender ;; Trans woman
Sexuality ; Bi
Lives; United States, Alabama
Likes ; Art, music, anime
Dislikes ;Being alive
Hobbies ;Art,Gaming,watching movies
---------୨୧---------
**Fun facts about you**
Personality ; I'm a bpd queen
Love language ;Affection
Favorite food; Chinese food

Favorite songs; Spiraling out by Softcult, Jaded by Spiritbox ,Floral and Fading by Pierce the Veil, River of Sorrows by Paleface Swiss and Venus Doom by HIM
༶• ┈┈┈┈୨୧┈┈┈┈┈┈ •༶༶
 
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Asahina

Asahina

Member
May 25, 2025
11
Hello, I study music composition and I love vocaloid music. I hope to be a vocaloid producer one day and I write my own songs. I mostly write about how I am feeling or what most easily comes to mind and as a result, most of my songs are about depression, anxiety, failure, and suicide.

My favorite project sekai character is Mafuyu and my favorite vocaloid is Gumi. Some of my favorite producers are Kairiki Bear, Neru, Wowaka, YurryCanon, Mimi, and more
 
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4Icarus

4Icarus

Member
Aug 26, 2025
7
Oh, sweet, I was halfway through writing a loooooooooong fucking life story post. I can at least cut the introduction parts out.

To keep this as laconic as I possibly can, (believe me, I'm trying, spoilered for your convenience):
I've got a very common trans man name so just call me Icarus. A fitting name for the way my life has gone.
I'm almost 30, been on and off suicidal since I was a child. Even the off suicidal days were me being only afraid of the sudden stop more than anything. The unknown and great fear of a potential afterlife or, worse, being sent back to this shithole. Due to my upbringing, my spiritual beliefs are beyond fucked; I'm an atheist for comforts sake. I genuinely hope there's nothing after death, I don't wanna do this shit ever again.
I'm the oldest of 6 siblings. Born to two dipshits in the us military in Germany, got dragged to the states, never stayed in a place for more than like 3, maybe 4 years after. Got diagnosed with autism at 2 years old. To my credit, evidently they expected me to turn out way worse.

My life has been incredibly fucking weird. Like if I told you half this shit, you'd think I was making it up. My mother is the slipperiest bitch on the planet and the reason for like 60% of why my life is presently in the shitter. The shit she's done in general, let alone to just me, deserves its own thread. I pity whoever's had her as their nurse. I've been trying to undo most of that damage but there's only so much you can undo with minimal funds and time from working to get said funds and the main constant in my life has been a lack of resources. As much as like 10,000 dollars could help me, I've no idea how I'd use that much money before something happened to it. Maybe actually go to school, go back to Germany to live my final days as a book end to the least cohesive series ever. idk.

The remaining 40% is from:
  • The 'tism
  • The dreaded EDS-POTS combo that got diagnosed too late
  • My drinking problem I've had on and off since 12
  • My shit coping mechanisms
  • God's indifference
(Main reason thats not a higher percentage is because I keep running into shit she did as obstacles. I wish it were mainly me, I'd feel less embarrassed to end it. Feels like the witch follows me no matter where I go, like I'm admitting defeat.)

Aside from the Autism, I got:
  • PTSD (Sexual assault, forced institutionalization.)
  • CPTSD
  • Not diagnosed but I'm pretty sure I've got one of the dissociative disorders.
  • Probably some kind of borderline but that's a bad idea to touch rn
  • Paranoid delusions are there. Half certain my loved ones are planning to take me in to be locked away if I post here too much. Like someone's waiting to. Like they already know.

Most likely some kind of aromantic/demiromantic asexual but uh. Shit's weird with that and I've certainly slept around like I'm not. Mostly for the tasty brain chemicals and feeling like I was in control. I like fictional men a lot, though, I've got several I feel about in ways I've never felt about anybody I could actually touch. This is also a factor. The disgust. The lack of desire.

I like a number of things I'm really gd protective of so. I'll likely only bring anything I like up if it's relevant. My interests are like the few things keeping me from exploding. I did, however, draw my icon and designed the fancharacter in it, if that's telling of anything.

I am most likely going to use some kind of ingestion method for CTB. Funnily enough, I have many, many cherry pits in my possession next to me right now but after some extensive researching, the amygdalin likely won't be enough to be a sure end. I collected them for this purpose, counted over 80, but you know. I'm more likely to get an obstruction than actually process this into enough cyanide to do something, lmao. Not like I still have my mortar and pestle. That would not be my first shit attempt, I'm so happy there's more information here.

I'm getting one of my migranes again so uh. This is what I'm posting for right now. I'm Icarus. Nice to meet all of you. Sorry for the ramble.
 
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dead dav

dead dav

Experienced
Feb 27, 2025
211
Hi welshspider 54m, looking for like minded people who think about death all the time, but doesn't want to ctb.
I enjoy cooking and chilling, talking shit about anything and everything.
If anyone's interested then drop me a line
Cheers
Hya Im in a similar situation to you I plan my death constantly even got almost to the point of going through with it I favour hanging
 
heywey

heywey

New Member
Aug 28, 2025
3
Hey folks, I'm heywey, also go by K. I'm in my 20s and from the US, living in Florida right now but grew up all over. Who knows what I'd be diagnosed with officially but safe to say I'm neurospicy.

My interests are all over the place and tend to shift a lot. Generally speaking I enjoy: movies (particularly animated and visual-focused), music (most genres, also play guitar), space & spaceflight (currently fixated on the Venera missions), and paleobiology (especially the cambrian period, but dinos are cool too). I also like programming, and once again I dabble in a lot of things but I lean toward web stuff and game development. I like working with HTML/CSS, C, Lua, and the GNOME ecosystem.

I don't work, have never been in a relationship, and just generally don't feel like my life's ever really started. I'm at a low point right now, with unfortunate circumstances and personal failures compounding to make everything seem pretty crappy and the future bleak. I'm not looking to ctb any time soon but it's hard being around people who don't 'get it', so I decided to make an account here. Be seeing yall around.
 

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