Introduce yourself

[Alwaysdreaming]

Hello everyone! I'm in my early 30s and I've been dealing with depression since I was probably 10 or 11. I wanted to join because I'm tired of holding all this pain in, constantly feeling like I'm alone. It's tough to talk to your loved ones about this stuff. I'm fortunate to have a pretty good support system. But I find it hard to talk to talk them because I don't want them to know how bad it is and I don't want them to suffer anymore because of my mental health. So I look forward to chatting with everyone and I hope we all find what we are searching for whatever it might be.

 

[TheUnkn0wn]

Hey everyone! I'm in my late 20s and stumbled across this forum back in May after I had a crisis and was taken to hospital under the psych act. I decided to create an account as I lost the majority of my friends and my girlfriend after the crisis and wanted to be part of a postive supporting community as I battle these suicidal ideations. I've been dealing with depression since I began high school and was recently diagnosed with severe depression. I'm eager to get to know other members around the forum!

 

[Ethan789]

Thank you for creating this thread. I'm a dad that has thought about suicide everyday of his life since his mid twenties. More than two decades later it never seems to leave my mind. This space has already helped me by simply existing. Obviously, this is a topic I can't easily discuss with family or friends, and as such I never have, and I never will. But here I feel better already. Not that I don't still feel these impulses, I do, every day, but at least this place exists, and its something.

My self loathing is extreme and no one really knows. That's me. All day, every day. Peace.

Hello I'm 38. Last psychiatrist said he had no good diagnosis for me. Therefore finding treatment is even harder. Been in therapy for over 3 years and tried med after med. Just hopeless now. Tired of being in constant pain emotionally.

I have built a good life for myself but it wasnt enough to ease the pain. I still feel a little scared when thinking about ctb but I have all that I need now. So soon, but no exact date has been set.

Nice to meet you all and thank you so so much for this forum. It has helped me so much. <3

Not asking as a joke, but have you ever played wiffle ball? I know it sounds stupid, but I played recently with one friend, and it was fun and made me laugh, made them laugh. We sucked. And for a brief moment I forgot how much I want to CTB. Sorry of this is left field.

 

[cloudgazer26]

hello! yall can call me cloud or clo im 26 and i live in the PNW with my kitty. im a whole mess so feel free to PM and ask for my sob story. i like the color yellow, i love sailor moon, and i love rice cakes

 

[UncomfortablyNumb]

Hi everyone, I'm from a rural area of the northeast US. I am so happy to be accepted by the SS site, finally a place where I can discuss my agonizing psychological pain and not be committed for wanting to end my suffering.

First of all, I'm a gay male who lost his partner of 30 years to a degenerative muscular disease some years ago (I'm being intentionally vague here). Watching someone I loved body and soul die a hideous death has destroyed me emotionally. I will never recover from it. Now my elderly parents live with me-they can't live on their own-and I am caring for and watching them die from stroke and dementia. I am simply exhausted, physically and emotionally. And even though my parents live with me I am completely isolated and feel utterly alone.

I cannot continue like this; I think of suicide many times throughout the day. I've gone the pschological/psychiatric pseudoscience route for a long time now: inpatient hospitalizations, therapy, many different meds, ECT, ketamine treatment, etc. We all know the drill. Nothing has worked and I have lost all faith in the American mental health system. The ONLY things that help me (temporarily) are intense workouts: running, weightlifting and pilates.

LOL I'm an older, extremely fit man, educated, considered attractive and yet I am totally alone. No one even knows that I am alive. I'm hopelessly damaged psychologically and I see no way for things to improve. In my case I see suicide as a rational choice.

I see a lot of people on here talking about using sn; I'm not comfortable with that method. While I don't have a set date to ctb, I would prefer to use pentobarbital with a partner who could help me obtain it. No one should have to live with constant psychological pain and ending this pain should not be so damned hard. May all of my suffering brothers and sisters in this world find peace of mind. Thank you for reading a long post and allowing me to vent.

 

[sayoko284]

hi everyone, i've had this account since april but i didn't realise i'd been approved until recently so i'm only just getting around to making an intro post haha.

i'm sayoko, i'm 18 and i'm from the uk. i'm not currently diagnosed with any mental illnesses but i've been experiencing symptoms of depression and having suicidal thoughts for several years. i'm currently trying to recover from my mental issues and have been going to therapy for a few months. i'm also just over a month clean from self harm which is a new record for me! i'm still not entirely sure whether i want to ctb or not to be honest. recently i've been feeling low again and like the therapy hasn't really been working but idk, i'm looking into other options for the time being. i'm hoping this site will help me figure things out somewhat. if i were to ctb, my ideal method would be asphyxiation using helium and an exit bag. i also like the idea of long drop hanging.

nice to meet you all, and i hope everyone here is able to find some sort of peace.

 

[jnpx321]

hi everyone, i've had this account since april but i didn't realise i'd been approved until recently so i'm only just getting around to making an intro post haha.

i'm sayoko, i'm 18 and i'm from the uk. i'm not currently diagnosed with any mental illnesses but i've been experiencing symptoms of depression and having suicidal thoughts for several years. i'm currently trying to recover from my mental issues and have been going to therapy for a few months. i'm also just over a month clean from self harm which is a new record for me! i'm still not entirely sure whether i want to ctb or not to be honest. recently i've been feeling low again and like the therapy hasn't really been working but idk, i'm looking into other options for the time being. i'm hoping this site will help me figure things out somewhat. if i were to ctb, my ideal method would be asphyxiation using helium and an exit bag. i also like the idea of long drop hanging.

nice to meet you all, and i hope everyone here is able to find some sort of peace.

Your name is sayoko?
Are your parents from Japan?

 

[Sebuet]

Hello everyone

I'm a NEET in my early 20s who has never learned how to live life and fit into society. For years I blamed everyone and everything around me for the mess I am but recent events have made it clear to me that I am the problem. I now live in almost total isolation (only people I somewhat regularly talk to are family) and it's really starting to get to me. Things just seem to get worse and worse and there's no one left to blame but me.

Those same recent events have also shown me that the world would most likely be better off without me. I plan to ctb by long drop hanging BC I've read that if done right the loss of consciousness is almost instant, currently researching how to do it properly, only thing I lack is a good spot to do it but I think I can find a good tree branch for it.

SN or N also sound like good methods but I can't afford N. SN is cheaper ofc but hard to get.

Hope everyone here is ok with some loser NEET spending his last few months here :).
Wish everyone reading this has a good day.

i also like the idea of long drop hanging.

Thought I was the only one who considered that a good method lol. I really don't understand why so many people would do short/no drop rather than long drop. Maybe it's BC the former is easier?

 

[time4sleep]

Hi friends, my name is Matt, I'm a 44 year old male from London, UK.

I've wanted to say goodbye for a long while and as I've lost parents/family/friends, this has been more and more to the forefront of my mind.

For nearly 6 years I was in a relationship that was happy for the most part and then I messed it up when unfaithful. I've not upset two amazing people and it is the final push for me to complete this plan. I'm leaning toward SN and if not, Beachy Head. Two very different methods but hopefully I will be able to complete by the end of July/Start of August.

This forum is full or brave, brave people and I'm glad to be a part of this.

 

[weepingfree]

This forum is full or brave, brave people and I'm glad to be a part of this.

Hi Matt, thanks for the introduction. That relationship sounds like it was everything to you. I've never been in anything for six years, but understand how invested we can get in one person.

I'm about your age, and loneliness is my ailment. It feels like there's a barrier between me and other humans.

Thanks for introducing yourself, and don't be shy about asking for help or getting weird. This is really a special place and you are welcome here.

 

[time4sleep]

Hi Matt, thanks for the introduction. That relationship sounds like it was everything to you. I've never been in anything for six years, but understand how invested we can get in one person.

I'm about your age, and loneliness is my ailment. It feels like there's a barrier between me and other humans.

Thanks for introducing yourself, and don't be shy about asking for help or getting weird. This is really a special place and you are welcome here.

It was but so was the other. I basically found the perfect human being, split over two people. One is so angry with me I can't contact, the other came over and cuddled me and held me last night and then told me they had to let me go.

The two of them are amazing people and my sole goal here is to avoid (not remove as I know that isn't possible) some hurt for them. That is my priority here, even over pain/suffering caused to me.

The choice comes down to not having either in my life forever or a few minutes/hours/days of pain and suffering, which I think I can handle.

Thank you for the intro, it is amazing to meet my first new friend on here.

 

[idealniymir]

Hi I'm from Oceania
I'm a part of the race minority discriminated against here, I was bullied in high school about it (my race) and now I felt inferior to the point where I just stopped trying, I hung out with the wrong people who I thought were my friends but they just bully me.

I truly have no friends, I started a degree 2 years ago and im still at it because im failing some papers, my father isnt helping by making it worse, very tempted to take my own life, got nothing else to live for. This forum is all I read now.

 

[weepingfree]

I truly have no friends, I started a degree 2 years ago and im still at it because im failing some papers, my father isnt helping by making it worse, very tempted to take my own life, got nothing else to live for. This forum is all I read now.

Hi, I'm glad you're here. It's really brutal to have no friends.. I don't have any. We are always here to talk if you'd like. There are 9 million people in New York and I only talk to people on SS.

I think a lot of us faced some form of bullying or exclusion and it hurts for your whole life. So share your pain, and know that you are appreciated here

 

[pure soul]

I m new here.plss tell me how to make a thread and I did not get search option and pm option. Plss help me somebody

 

[Under The Graveyard]

I m new here.plss tell me how to make a thread and I did not get search option and pm option. Plss help me somebody

When you go into one of the topics, such as 'off topics", at the top beside the name of thread you are on will say make topic, click on that.

I think you have to be here so long, or make so many posts(or both)before you can pm.

 

[pure soul]

When you go into one of the topics, such as 'off topics", at the top beside the name of thread you are on will say make topic, click on that.

I think you have to be here so long, or make so many posts(or both)before you can pm.

How did I get search option??

 

[AnimeBoysKeepMeAlive]

Hi!! I just recently joined and thank you for the welcome.

I'm repeating my days over and over, stuck in a loop. I feel so empty. I feel so tried. I can't see myself in the future. The only thing I'm looking forward to are animes and mangas. I don't even know if that's good or just sad.

 

[daydream]

I'm pretty much just making posts so I can get the search feature.
It's hard to say my reasons for being here concisely and without sounding like an edgy teen. I do think that it could be a fun story to tell but I don't have the effort to write it all out. So, let's go with this: I'm an 18 year old guy, my interests would be programming, learning languages, and making music if I had the ability to enjoy things, I listen to EDM mostly but I respect most genres of music, my favorite game is "A Beginner's Guide", a story by the same person who made "The Stanley Parable". I respect people's choices and seeing others happy makes me happy, though I don't know how to make people happy myself. My suicide note if I decide to ctb is in my profile's about page if for some reason someone is curious.

 

[Rhaiyne]

I'm also new to the site....ummm... obviously, hence being on this thread. I am a 48 year old female in the UK.
I am here to try and connect, to hear, to learn, to understand... to be heard and to be understood by others who seem to have similar emotions to ctb as me. To be able to read and see the honesty, openness, compassion, care, understanding and acceptance... for me... that is raw truth... for me ... raw truth is beautiful...

 

[whywere]

I'm also new to the site....ummm... obviously, hence being on this thread. I am a 48 year old female in the UK.
I am here to try and connect, to hear, to learn, to understand... to heard and to be understood by others who seem to have similar emotions to ctb as me. To be able to read and see the honesty, openness, compassion, care, understanding and acceptance... for me... that is raw truth... for me ... raw truth is beautiful...

HI! and WELCOME to our family here!!!!! So nice having you join the most loving group of folks in the world . Walter

 

[AtMostOkay]

Hi, I'm Aimee. Profound sadness mixed with rage, swirling in clouds of confusion and fear. Cursed hope dwindling, yet unceasing in my veins. And I'm tired. Oh, so very tired. Dead soul tired.

Why are you here?

 

[snxw]

My name is Will I'm 21 and I'm from Scotland. I'm here to chat with people until I work up the courage to kms. I just don't want to feel this way anymore and be so alone. I've tried fighting my problems and tried different solutions but it never works out and my problems have become so numerous they have overwhelmed me. I give up. I take drugs to take the edge off it but it's only temporary until I muster up the courage to go through with the final solution. I have been alone the majority of my life and the people I love have turned their backs on me or have abused me in the past. I was bullied all through high school as well, but all that pain will be erased soon. Hopefully. No more heartbreak, no more trauma and no more loneliness.

 

[Auto Immunity After]

Hey everyone,

Obviously new here, I am female and live in Canada.......

Ironically it is legal in Canada for Dr. assist suicide.......the problem is NO DR. will participate even if you are sick, dying and in constaant pain. You will end up dying in Palliative Care like everyone else. Even if you do find a Dr. to assist, it takes years and the red tape is so overwhelming, most people abandon the process or are told at some stage they don't qualify.

So that brings me here. There are many of us who have some small pieces of that puzzle of life and death. When we share this with eachother, we create a world wide synergy effect, like the biggest zoom call ever lol.

Thank you to each one of you who brings your opinions, knowledge, empathy, humour, and total disclosure on so many important life discussions. Most people assume everyone who comes to this site is here short term in an effort to obtain info so they can ctb. The first thing I noticed was that many of you have been registered users for years, which tells me that for whatever reason, you chose to continue providing your unique perspective for new people like me, and I want to thank you personally for your courage and humanity.

 

[whywere]

Hey everyone,

Obviously new here, I am female and live in Canada.......

Ironically it is legal in Canada for Dr. assist suicide.......the problem is NO DR. will participate even if you are sick, dying and in constaant pain. You will end up dying in Palliative Care like everyone else. Even if you do find a Dr. to assist, it takes years and the red tape is so overwhelming, most people abandon the process or are told at some stage they don't qualify.

So that brings me here. There are many of us who have some small pieces of that puzzle of life and death. When we share this with eachother, we create a world wide synergy effect, like the biggest zoom call ever lol.

Thank you to each one of you who brings your opinions, knowledge, empathy, humour, and total disclosure on so many important life discussions. Most people assume everyone who comes to this site is here short term in an effort to obtain info so they can ctb. The first thing I noticed was that many of you have been registered users for years, which tells me that for whatever reason, you chose to continue providing your unique perspective for new people like me, and I want to thank you personally for your courage and humanity.

HI and WELCOME to Sanctioned Suicide!! Everyone here is so kind, loving and supportive that it makes this site the best in the world. Hugs and love to you!! Walter

 

[Dymming Star6]

Hello people!!!
Thank you all for making me feel at "home", never thought possible. I am an extremely sensitive, outgoing introvert—INFJ presence'/BP II warrior poised//Bonafided woman with an unique flair…I love writing poetry and listening to music from all genres, especially Rock. My Bipolar disorder 2 gives me such overwhelming anxiety that I do not want to engage socially or otherwise with the world. I just want to go invisible and to drift into nothing. Here's a sample of my poetry I feel comfortable enought to share..

Could've been a promising seed that grew into a beautifully strong oak tree...
Could've been a wonderful mother of three, now sadly, it's just me...
Could've changed the world with what I could've been...
But, with the greatest feelings of despair, it all will never come to be 'cause you see world, it was all really just a hopeful fantasy...the End..just like in the movies...

Thank you all again for the warm welcome! I am glad to have found this place...

 

[whywere]

Hello people!!!
Thank you all for making me feel at "home", never thought possible. I am an extremely sensitive, outgoing introvert—INFJ presence'/BP II warrior poised//Bonafided woman with an unique flair…I love writing poetry and listening to music from all genres, especially Rock. My Bipolar disorder 2 gives me such overwhelming anxiety that I do not want to engage socially or otherwise with the world. I just want to go invisible and to drift into nothing. Here's a sample of my poetry I feel comfortable enought to share..

Could've been a promising seed that grew into a beautifully strong oak tree...
Could've been a wonderful mother of three, now sadly, it's just me...
Could've changed the world with what I could've been...
But, with the greatest feelings of despair, it all will never come to be 'cause you see world, it was all really just a hopeful fantasy...the End..just like in the movies...

Thank you all again for the warm welcome! I am glad to have found this place...

Hi and WELCOME to Sanctioned Suicide! The site with the most loving and caring folks in the world! Walter

 

[coffee]

Hey everyone. I'm a 42 yo male from Brazil. Have been struggling with depression and got divorced one year ago. Best wishes to everybody!

 

[whywere]

Hey everyone. I'm a 42 yo male from Brazil. Have been struggling with depression and got divorced one year ago. Best wishes to everybody!

WELCOME to Sanctioned Suicide!! Everyone here is so kind and helpful and it is like a huge family. Sending you lots of love and kindness and bright blue skies! Walter

 

[coffee]

WELCOME to Sanctioned Suicide!! Everyone here is so kind and helpful and it is like a huge family. Sending you lots of love and kindness and bright blue skies! Walter

Thank you!! Hope that I can be part of the family! Sending you the same!

 

[Witness of the mind]

Howdy guys and gals! I'm 27 years old male from Poland. I do wonder if there're any active users here from my country btw, distance-wise the closest people I saw here are from Germany. I've been observing this forum from the shadows, on and off, for a better part of the year now.

I guess I'm kinda new to the whole suicide thoughts situation (or maybe not because recently I realized I did think about it back when I was a preteen/teenager and my biological father beat me and mentally abused me). Two years ago I attempted suicide or maybe it was cry for help I don't know for sure. The decision was rather impulsive after some hard sanity exhausting months and a dispute with my family. I drove to the woods at night, drink a lot of vodka in the hope to make it easier to hang myself. Sadly the attempt was a tremendous failure both because of SI and lack of proper preparation of the rope and in hindsight, there's no way the branch would ever support my weight (I'm not the brightest guy). Honestly, after I passed out from all the booze the cold from the winter was probably a bigger threat to my life than my pathetic attempt to take my own life.

Recently the idea of trying again has been invading my mind more frequently each day. Most of the time I'm in what you may call, I guess a passive suicidal ideation. Basically, I want to die but I don't really want to do anything about it. I guess my first goal with this site is to educate myself and find out how to gather resources so if I am ever in such a desperate state I can do it right, after all even if at the time of the deed my judgment might be clouded by emotions the preparation that will perhaps allow me to do it is a manifestation of my decision to ctb after a lot of thought and consideration already put into it. My other goal is, who knows, to maybe find myself and uncover what truly are my desires at this point and if they are as morbid as I think then find out what would be the best method for me. Perhaps in the progress of me being here, finding a kindred spirit to talk to wouldn't be so bad either.

A little bit about myself:
I don't want to get too political here but I guess certain convictions are a crucial part of my identity so I'll get them out of the way first. I would describe myself as a pretty left-wing person. I'm an atheist, a vegan, pro-choice, pro-LGBTQ, gender and race anti-realist, feminist, a bit on the fence on the guns but leaning towards pro-gun, pro-legalization of the hard drugs or at the very least decriminalization and against capital punishment. I could talk about morality and philosophy all day (feel free to PM). Speaking of philosophy I'm a moral subjectivist and a hard determinist.

I'm a gamer, a bit of a cringelord and an introverted guy and apparently if to believe a test I took I'm an INTP-T. I'm an underachiever with a minimal-pay dead-end job, no luck in a romantic life either. Not a lot of friends if any at all at this point, It's not like I have a problem finding friends It's just I have a hard time maintaining the friendship, I don't know if I'm lazy or what but I have a habit of not reaching out and distancing people from myself, not with my attitude but I don't know if I'm some kind of a psychopath that gets tired of people even if I'm fond of them or what. I also love taking night joy rides around the city in the summers, it clears my mind. I adore anything from Beach House, synthwave music, "cigarretes after sex" band but mostly after heavy drinking, sometimes something with harder bass and the popular old jams such as Abba, Queens, etc.

I hope not to step on anybody's toes and I'm looking forward to meeting you all!