Introduce yourself

[ConstantineXI]

same :') wtf right :p SS is like the best suicide prevention there is haha

It's almost like...I dunno, being able to talk freely about one's problems without fears of being packed off to the funny farm is useful? Crazy, I know....

 

[Lifeiskillingme]

Hi everyone. I'm 54 and have suffered depression and social anxiety for as long as I can remember. Therapy. SSRIs. Suicide lockup. Each time I entertain the idea of CTB I think of the people I would hurt. Rather than give me a sense of belonging and necessity, their need for me only makes me resent them and hate my situation that much more. I know my death would destroy them. But the responsibility thrust on me is more than I can handle. I get angry and seclude myself, push everyone away whenever the persistent guilt trips no longer work on me. The weight of it all is unbearable. I would rather just be left alone and sleep my life away or die. But that isn't going to happen without casualties. And so I suffer in silence, fake a smile when I'm able, and pretend to care. I'm so tired of lying. So tired of living.

I feel the exact same way love

 

[wordsonscreen]

It's almost like...I dunno, being able to talk freely about one's problems without fears of being packed off to the funny farm is useful? Crazy, I know....

yeah... wtf. what a CRAZY idea damn.
funny farm hehe <3

 

[Unicorns]

Hello,

I've been here a week or so now. Bit nervous as this is my first post and I'm not sure what to say. A little bit about me:

Im in my 30s, female from the UK. I've suffered with mental health most of my life. Everyone I've ever got close to has left me. I've been bullied and put down most of my life. The only time I found acceptance was when I joined a church, only to be kicked out after 2 yrs and told I had demons in me. So yeah, that's left me feeling like I'm a bad person. Even rejected by God.
I live with my elderly parents. When ever I make slight progress with my mental health my mum lists all the things I'm still not able to do and everyone else my age can do. My dad has the start of dementia and blames me every day for doing things to make him think he's losing his mind. I guess it's easier for him to think it's me doing it than accept he has dementia. Doesn't help that my own dad thinks so badly of me.
I'm so Lonely. I feel unloveable and unlikeable. I'm not very good socially.
I joined the group as I'm feeling hopeless and worthless and the mental pain is too much to bare sometimes. I'm planning my ctb and have been looking on the forums for the best way.
One good thing in my life is my cat who never leaves my side and sleeps with me at night

 

[Belaya Noch]

I'm so sorry to hear that you also suffer trauma from evil parent. I have trauma too and it's a bastard to try and cope with. Desperat my heart goes out to you xx hugs a million xx

Hey, I think that you misadressed the post (I received notification instead of the OP). But anyway, thank you

 

[HappiestDayOfMyLife]

Hi, new here. I've been lurking on and off for a year or so, and decided to finally make an account. I found this place when I was searching for methods.

I'm 33, female, from the US. I've been diagnosed with PTSD and BPD, probably mostly from childhood (and continued) trauma. Things might be getting better with frequent therapy and medications? I don't know.

I love pop punk/emo, tattoos, and piercings. I am in social work and have the privilege of working with kids with behavioral issues.

 

[Incognito99]

Hi everyone, I'm new here, my name is Hannah and I'm 21 years old from the uk, I have borderline personality disorder, adhd, OCD, treatment resistant depression and cptsd.
I've tried community care, inpatient therapy, dbt, cbt, and I'm currently in supported living.
I've had 2 really close friends commit suicide with the last one being on the 1st of January 2020 where I was informed by the Scottish police that she had taken her life and left me everything.
I'm currently not working but have worked in mental health and social care, within the NHS and privately and I can honestly say that neither offer enough to actually support people and get people well again.
I've been lurking for a while as I know my friend used this site after I got all her stuff back from the police and I know that it gave her comfort being on here.
Hi everyone, I'm new here, my name is Hannah and I'm 21 years old from the uk, I have borderline personality disorder, adhd, OCD, treatment resistant depression and cptsd.
I've tried community care, inpatient therapy, dbt, cbt, and I'm currently in supported living.
I've had 2 really close friends commit suicide with the last one being on the 1st of January 2020 where I was informed by the Scottish police that she had taken her life and left me everything.
I'm currently not working but have worked in mental health and social care, within the NHS and privately and I can honestly say that neither offer enough to actually support people and get people well again.
I've been lurking for a while as I know my friend used this site after I got all her stuff back from the police and I know that it gave her comfort being on here.
Hi everyone, I'm new here, my name is Hannah and I'm 21 years old from the uk, I have borderline personality disorder, adhd, OCD, treatment resistant depression and cptsd.
I've tried community care, inpatient therapy, dbt, cbt, and I'm currently in supported living.
I've had 2 really close friends commit suicide with the last one being on the 1st of January 2020 where I was informed by the Scottish police that she had taken her life and left me everything.
I'm currently not working but have worked in mental health and social care, within the NHS and privately and I can honestly say that neither offer enough to actually support people and get people well again.
I've been lurking for a while as I know my friend used this site after I got all her stuff back from the police and I know that it gave her comfort being on here.
Hi everyone, I'm new here, my name is Hannah and I'm 21 years old from the uk, I have borderline personality disorder, adhd, OCD, treatment resistant depression and cptsd.
I've tried community care, inpatient therapy, dbt, cbt, and I'm currently in supported living.
I've had 2 really close friends commit suicide with the last one being on the 1st of January 2020 where I was informed by the Scottish police that she had taken her life and left me everything.
I'm currently not working but have worked in mental health and social care, within the NHS and privately and I can honestly say that neither offer enough to actually support people and get people well again.
I've been lurking for a while as I know my friend used this site after I got all her stuff back from the police and I know that it gave her comfort being on here.

 

[sufferingalways]

Hey, I think that you misadressed the post (I received notification instead of the OP). But anyway, thank you

Oops. My sleepyhead. ;-). Thank you for pointing out my goof. Hugs x

33 male, Poland. Fear keeps alive, kept me alive for all over the years.

My parents divorced early, a bit after I was born. My father was an alcoholic, he used to abuse my mother, but in the end, it was her fault that she felt fall all these lies, it was me though, that had to pay the price for someone else mistakes. He had no job, not even high school education, while she was a countryside girl from a poor, farming family.

What could go wrong? Everything. My grandma is dead, but I'll never forget how many times did my mother complain to her, and argue about how bad her life and upbringing was.

Around 4th class it started, as I remember, but might be later though, which is unlikely, because there must be a reason for which certain things are so clear to me, and I'll never forget it. 8 at a time, so quite young, but I remember everything so well, like it happened just a few days ago. Even thinking about it makes me want to cry, and I'm starting to have shivers, obviously sweating already, to someone who has not experienced any trauma, or as I called it wasn't "mentaly raped" it might sound... I don't know.

First couple year at school, nothing really happened, but then all of a sudden, it was a downhill ride.

To simply put it how I see it, my mothers mental capacity has run off.

I'm sweating so much, I had to get a paper towel to wipe myself, otherwise I'll drown here.

First were the curses, calling me names, and stuff.
Then beating. In general I experienced both mental, and psyhical abuse.

You have to keep in mind, that everything escaled over the years.

I will try to write a nice post, because it's the only thing that will remain after I'm gone, and you'll be able to see how things unfold naturaly on their own.

Beating, at the beginning I used to cry, cry a lot, and shout, but the more I was beaten, the more I started to get used to it. After a longer while, pain was gone, and all I felt was burning sensation, like stinging of hundret needels at the exactly same time. My mother noticed that, which made her beat me even more, mostly using a belt, sometimes with an open hand, or rarely with a fist. Mainly my buttocks, things, or my back, couple times face.

After the beating, and before beating cursing, later more abuses. Such as spitting at me, or swiping all the dirt from the floor in my room, and telling me to eat it, and guess what, I did eat it, I ate the hairs, dust, and whatever else was there. I ate it all. It was not over though. Sometimes it lasted days. Late night hours meant nothing. I was often forced to do homework, and told "you won't go to sleep after homework is done". And that's exactly what happened. I didn't sleep whole night, since just after I went to bed, or even tried to, my mother instantly got up, and started to insult/beat me, so I went back to do homework, which for most of the times I didn't do. I just sat whole night at my desk, and one day... Trichotillomania started, which is with me to this day. I started wandering with my fingers all over my head, making round moves, playing with my hairs, and then I started to pull them, just like that, pull them, look at them, and stick them to the bulb, I had a double bulb light above my desk, I noticed how fast they change, how they dry out nearly instantly. I went through all the phases. Pulling hairs, eating them, and biting of the hair bulb.

I had to get a new paper tower.

Everything got worse, as the time went by. What I wrote here, is merely couple months of the years 1st, and there are so many more years to describe, but as I wrote earlier, this is the most important part.

Due to all the abuse, something in my head changed, and there were multiple changes. First was obviously resilience to pain and lack of crying, then Trichotillomania. I couldn't take it no more, which made me start running away from home, and spend night outside, and even more often stay up and try to get as late as possible, which at the time for me was late evening. Keep in mind, I was around 8 at the time. Most of the times I spent outside was during the winter, every single time I did it gave me some sort of experience, which helped me to prepare for another time. Double pair of sock, double pants, warmer clotches, some food just in case. At first I was wandering around my neighborhood looking for a place to say, a warm place obviously, because of the winter season. I used to sit near the heater in block of flats, walk all around the open stores, I even got to a roof of a local heat plant in betweent the air intake, but I think someone saw me from the window from the block near by, and I run away.

I once spend the night in, not sure how to explain, in na block of flat, you have an open room on -1 floor, then you have main basement doors, and that's where I stayed, there was some wooden cover there, so I hid there for the night.

While wandering through my neighborhood I found a hidden, safe place, which would since that time be the place that I always went to. It was under the stair, it was a niche next to the windws, since many basements at -1 level have windows here, and that windows has a concrete cover, so that's where I was. There were couple garbage bags there which made if quite comfortable to sit at, soft, and offered an isolation. I was capable of sleeping with breaks, as I was so scared that even the faintiest of noise was waking me up.

The funny things is, one time, I heard my mother calling for me, and after the very first time I did run away, while I went to see the friends from school after the lessons, they told me, she was all crying, when she came in. I had a talk with my form teacher, then with my mom. Both talks didn't really mean a thing. My mother told me many things, but the "truce" lasted only for about a week, or two, and then everything got back to normal, my normality.

I kept running away even more, she used to abuse me more, beating my face untill I bleed from the nose, though I only bleed once, and once I started to leave marks on my bead, to have some sort of proof, she instantly wiped it off, and never touched my face ever again.

Beside all that, she starved me, and once even chocked me, beat me badly before that happened, threw on a bed, put a pillow on my face, and sat on it, then waited.

I remember how I used to run out of our flat, and shout "help me", but the Polish mentality at the time, and I think even today, is what it is, no one cares while you're alive, they only care when it's too late, and then start asking why, etc.

I think I reported it once, to my form teacher, but honestly is spending the rest of my childhood in a reformatory a solution? No. There was, and as far as I'm aware, there is still no solution for kids like me. Regardless, hardy anyone believed me either way. I acted bad at school, had poor grades, and not that good friends, which was enought for everyone to blame, who cares what happens at home right? To this day I can't imagine that no one managed to connect these two dots. The fact that how I act is because what I went throught. My mother is to blame for that, but also the fact of how manipulative person she is to this day, a lier, and that everyone believed her, no matter what.

Mmm.

It was supposed to be long, but I'll stop I guess, no one gives a damn, no one did, there's only 6 hours to edit, I'm not prepared to do it, I found this forum by accident, though I'm glad I did.

This post is like a grain of sand on a beach, you know what I mean.

I can only add, that in 2016 I met Klaudia in person, a girl that I met online, and that made me realize something. If you read it all, you maybe remember how my mother chocked me with a pillow. Klaudia wanted to fool around I guess, she took a pillow, and put it on my face when I was laying on the bed, guess what happened? I pushed here aside, same with the pillow, sat on the edge of the bed, and started crying.

I don't think I will editing this post, or adding anything, there's a lot of work to be done, for me to be happy about this post, but it wouldn't change anything really, just another page in a book of many stories that will be forgotten.

So sorry that I was too late with this message .. I made an error.
I shall post it anyway .. not sure why;


I'm so sorry to hear that you also suffer trauma from evil parent. I have trauma too and it's a bastard to try and cope with. Desperat my heart goes out to you xx hugs a million xx

 

[amarillo]

Hi everyone. I'm a new member but have been lurking for quite some time.

Objectively, most people would argue I have a pretty good life. I am a 26 year old female from western Europe. I'm supposed to finish my master's degree this summer. I have always worked during my studies so I am in a good financial position (no student debt). I'm sure I could find a good job if I really tried and I have quite a lot of genuinely good friends.

Yet here I am, wondering if I will still be there for the graduation ceremony.

My childhood was a bit chaotic. A father who was never really involved, poverty, an autistic brother, bipolar mother and totalitarian stepfather. Not as bad as many people on here, but it's still left me with depression, social anxiety, OCD and an eating disorder. I started having suicidal thoughts about ten years ago, although they were mostly passive. The past two or three years they have become more active, almost leading to an attempt about a year and a half ago.

The stupid thing is that I have a good support system, I'm just too scared to use it. My family know nothing about my mental issues, and even though I'm sure they would support me (my mum has been suicidal in the past so she would understand me) I just don't feel comfortable enough to talk about these kinds of topics with them. Most of my friends do know I'm struggling, but they respect my privacy too much to really force me into a conversation, which I need so desperately. And I'm just too awkward and scared to start talking myself. I've tried therapy for a year, but even to my therapist I was unable to open up.

Despite my diplomas, I feel so stupid. Despite my good friends, I feel so extremely lonely. Everything takes effort, I feel constantly overwhelmed and scared and I am disgusted by myself inside and out. I have no hope that any of these things will improve in the future and I have no clue what I'm doing it all for. But perhaps I can at least have a good and honest time here on the forum, until my time has come.

Nice to meet all of you.

 

[AnimeGirl]

Hello,
I'm 40 now, with 5 children (age range 9-18). I was brought up in Cornwall, to a single mum and older 1 brother and older 1 sister. I always felt 'unwanted'. My brother is 9yrs older than me, my sister 5yrs older. By the time I remember my childhood, my brother was grown up, my sister was living with our maternal grandmother, and my mum was brutish. I remember 1 time in particular that she 'taught' my sister to count in French, by smacking me (with bamboo) along with the numbers. My brother remembers being hit a lot too, she always left my sister alone. Back then, she was the prodigy, and me and brother were nothing. As we grew up, sister moved back in, mum got sick, and we became her full time carers, brother had moved out and out of county.
I started getting sick when I was 16, but I was 21 when I got a diagnosis. Rare brain condition, easily treatable...well, to most people maybe. I ended up with 2 brain surgeries, 4 shunts and 3 revisions, and then 2 spinal cord surgeries. All together 4 years in hospital, as my body doesn't want to heal.

Now at 40, I'm wheelchair bound, and in chronic pain, coz the spinal cord surgeries left my left side paralysed and total nerve damage. I'm living on Sertraline, Amytriptaline, Pregabalin (Lyrica); 10mg Butec patch and oramorph top up!
I get so close to ctb, every couple of weeks, but then think of my children. I love them so much, but I don't want them to be my carers, like we were with my mum, and at such an earlier age too.
TBH, I can't cope with the pain, pressure or anything at all anymore,. I keep stopping myself because of my children, then my brain gets going again and I convince myself they'd be better off without me.

love and hugs to all.
xEx

 

[AN IDIOT'S END]

Hey. This is my first post! I'm a 20 yr old female. I'm a devout Christian but haven't yet decided whether I want to join an Orthodox or Catholic church. Religion has kept me alive a little longer since suicide is a sin and I really fear Hell. Ideally I can put myself in harms way and die young without actually committing suicide.
I want to go because I can't cope with being seen as subhuman. I'm hated by those around me, I feel I can't live up to my basic duties as a human being, and I've lost all hope for ever finding peace or a loving relationship.

Feels really dramatic saying that, but it's the truth. Anyways, feel free to message me, especially if you're a fellow Christian or are interested in theology. I'm quite lonely and I imagine many of you are as well.

 

[emptyinside]

Hi,
I've been lurking this forum from time to time and decided to join. Excuse me for any language mistakes - I'm not native english speaker.

I am 23M from central Europe, NEET for almost 2 years. I finished earlier my bachelor degree. My father is an alcoholic, I think he's the main reason for who I am today. When I was 15 I had my first suicide attempt. I was trying to partial hang myself. but because I am coward I took off the loop our of my neck before I passed out. I have tried therapy, also some meds but they never really worked for me so I stopped. I know that I don't have future on this world. I don't see myself in any kind of job. It's really doubtful I would last more than week due to my social awkwardness.

My main hobby is wasting hours of life on lurking the internet. Besides I like running and riding bike. I kind of like sport activities, cause then my brain shuts off.

I signed up here because I like the non-judge idea of the forum. Sorry if this post was a bit chaotic, I really suck at communication - even online.

 

[Hirokami]

I'm 25-year-old programmer who's fairly depressed. While I don't think I'd ctb (for starters, I have to take care of my mother), it's just nice to be part of a place where people can actually relate to my thoughts without either guilt-tripping me or saying empty platitudes such as "yOu MaTtEr" or getting mad at me for thoughts I cannot help. Needless to say, I'm pro-choice. My philosophy is if one didn't choose to be here, then why should they be forced to stay? For example, people often have problems where they have been struggling for years without any improvement; it'd be cruel to force them to stay alive if all else failed.

Aside from all that, I'm a weeb who occasionally play video games and writes stuff.

 

[TriggerHappy]

Greetings from me: a 40sumthin gay Aries male workin in the field of advertising / design. Dealing with depression / addiction / self-imposed isolation for ages:
Have been planning awhile now and have method selected - may need advice tho…
Other interests include shamanic / pagan / buddhist esoteric arts (love Catholicism but born clairvoyant!); poetry & books; horror movies (oh baby!) and music. My intention is to responsibly understand the meaning & methods to effectively take my life. Addiction / recovery experience cycle has eroded my soul beyond repair.
I'm grateful for a forum such as this: I lack the expertise (but not the desire) and for it's members: have been a voyeur to your communication for some time and feel I must get over my insecurities and silence and communicate more (you have been warned!)
If you don't see me do I exist?

 

[sunsetintehwoods]

Hi! 28yo male in very strange part of life here, worked in gamdev for years. Right now i'm totally enjoying my some-of-cluster-C-personal-disorder-mutated depression, i guess, and wandering around.

I'm just glad to meet such supportive community what i have of read-only almost half a year.

hugs

 

[wordsonscreen]

Greetings from me: a 40sumthin gay Aries male workin in the field of advertising / design. Dealing with depression / addiction / self-imposed isolation for ages:
Have been planning awhile now and have method selected - may need advice tho…
Other interests include shamanic / pagan / buddhist esoteric arts (love Catholicism but born clairvoyant!); poetry & books; horror movies (oh baby!) and music. My intention is to responsibly understand the meaning & methods to effectively take my life. Addiction / recovery experience cycle has eroded my soul beyond repair.
I'm grateful for a forum such as this: I lack the expertise (but not the desire) and for it's members: have been a voyeur to your communication for some time and feel I must get over my insecurities and silence and communicate more (you have been warned!)
If you don't see me do I exist?

I see you :) your Aries chaos is right there hehe :p Talk to me about esoteric stuff! Welcome <3

 

[bad luck]

Hello. I am a man of almost 40 years. I have suffered from anxiety and depression since I was 18 years old. Currently diagnosing personality disorders. I tried sleeping pills years ago but it didn't work. Greetings

 

[spiderlily]

Hello! I'm in my early 20s and found this place while struggling through suicidal ideation again recently. I appreciate how candid and empathetic this community is. I'm living for everyone but myself right now, but I wonder how long I'll be able to handle it.

 

[FreeAngel]

Hello dear members of SS

I am a lonely angel who is actually on the way to the other angels in heaven but has found the way here for an indefinite time

I'm glad to meet you all

Your angel

 

[Crusader]

Hi. I´m new and just want to say hello to everybody ! My native language is german.

 

[oversizedsweaters]

Hee,

I'm also new here and just wanted to introduce myself quickly. I'm 19 years old, from Europe and I'm currently studying Psychology (how ironic). I've had mental health problems since I was about fourteen and the last year it really got worse. I'm glad that I found this community, I love to see how kind and supportive everyone is for each other.

Lots of love

 

[boydiablo]

Hello! I'm in my early twenties, currently studying at university. I've been a lurker here for quite a while but recently decided to join. I've known I was going to commit suicide since I was 14 though as of right now I'm not planning to for at least a few more years. It just feels like the right thing for me to do, I'd hate to die any other way.
I enjoy reading, writing, and languages (know spanish, starting with mandarin atm), also science and anime. I consider standing alone in fields at night a good time and get poked with swords as a hobby.
Glad to finally be on this site, always been grateful that it exists.

 

[kovkay]

Hello.

I had a pretty awesome life until I was about 10. That's when my family moved to Canada. I had major troubles with fitting in and I'm still socially maladjusted/ really shy and awkward.

In university, I spread myself too thin and crumbled under pressure I put on myself. Started failing courses, drinking, then turned to harder drugs. That ended in a psychosis and three psych ward stays. Pretty bad depression followed, substituted later by anhedonia. After failing a few times to sustain employment, I just decided to lay down and rot. It was at this time I thought about ending my life for good. I had some half-assed ctb attempts earlier in life, but this time it felt a lot more real. I got a suicide kit and wrote my letters, but then decided against it when I found out about a trade program in a local college. I also found out my university allows a five-year absence so I could potentially come back.

I got into woo-woo subjects like spirituality and whatever, mainly for the purpose of comfort. As weird as it sounds, trying to put less emphasis on the material world and detach helps me stay calm.

My recovery is far from a finished journey, but I'm making some efforts to make my life an okay one.

 

[Solkane]

Hi

23M from Australia. On paper I've had it lucky, I live in a nice area, my family was always okay financially, I was never abused by my parents or bullied at school. However I inherited several mental illnesses from both sides my family. I've wanted to CTB since I was 16 and I think about doing it every single day. I had to use DuckDuckGo to find this place because Australian Google filters out 'negative' search results when you look up suicide forums.

 

[Inkling]

Hello

25 year old dude from Europe. Joined because I like having some place where I can see people I can relate to. Don't have much to share about myself, mostly because of some faulty wiring in my head that makes me feel like a blank slate, my entire life is composed of decisions made by other people because I lack any sort of interest or ability to move on my own. I spend most of my days waiting around for the next day, hoping one day I grow the courage to CTB, or that some good fortune takes care of that ordeal for me.

Thank you for creating a space like this, I have been in dire need of it lately, as hotlines don't do much, or anything really.

 

[Ennail]

Hi
I am a female. Next week i gonna be 33 years. I live in the netherlands.
Diagnoses are autisme, ptsd, add and depression.

 

[Neo288]

hi, mid 30s, Australian male. Don't know what to say.
I sustained a TBI and am left with "frontal lobe syndrome" along with other neurolovciacal dysfunctions after being in a car accident over 15 years ago.

I've had some good times in life, and some bad.

Losing my career was the hardest, then my friends, and now myself. I am declining rapidly and do not wish to. die in a hospital with no dignity. My memory and working memory are basically non existent, Its so tough man. I have no will to live but I also do not want to die, I just hope I know the right time to go before I can no longer function and end up in a care facility.

im so sorry for all of you here in pain, be it mental, physical, whatever. im so so sorry for you all, what a world this is, it confuses me. so many suffer . oh god

 

[Xaxysh]

Hello! im xaxysh, most people know me as joe though.
im not exactly new to the forum as ive had an account for some time but im getting active only now,
i suffer from schizophrenia and i really like watching birds.
i hope you guys have a wonderful day

 

[mediscines]

Hey all, 20 female USA. Finally decided to make an account after lurking for
Diagnosed with BPD, CPSTD ADHD all that good stuff. Was interested in life and learning, creativity and all that. Still do some projects and learn skills in the meantime to make it hurt less but working towards CBT one day.

 

[MMB]

Hi, I'm glad to find a community which understands.

On the surface I have no reason to be here. I function in society, run my own business, own my home. But inside I'm hollow. Like a tree that's still standing, producing leaves and fruit but the core is rotten, dead.

Been on meds, which may or may not have helped. Been through therapy, which helped a lot. It helped me understand what's wrong with my brain, where the rot started, how and why it's made me who I am.

It's also made me realise that there's no recovery for me. I understand my depression. Theoretically that means I can work on overcoming it. In reality it means only that I know I'm not fixable.

This time last year I had the means. Scored 100g of SN. The therapist convinced me to throw it away. Big mistake. Still, nobody can ever accuse me of not giving my all to attempted recovery.

Now, my path is very clear to me. I'm planning to ctb not in a pit of helplessness and deep depression where it could be argued that I wasn't thinking rationally, but because I AM thinking rationally. I've explored every avenue, made every effort and there's only one conclusion.

Sorry for the essay.

PS, if it matters - early 50's male, UK, happy to consider a ctb partner if our paths coincide.