Introduce yourself

[Anubiscan]

Hellou!

Well what can I say! Difficult childhood with an unstable family. Living by myself at 13 and been able to make it to university. Moving to Canada by my self at 24, always working in 3 jobs at the beginning until I was able to find a good job with a good pay. Saved a lot of money to buy my fist condo and then purchased a nice big house by the ocean. Hey, doesn't sound too bad! but I did the mistake of getting married, and been forced to do things that I didn't want to do, getting more and more stressed and depressed until I got a cold that turned in an infeccion and then into an ear infection damaging my middle ears and giving me tinnitus. So now I can not work anymore due to the constant ringing in my ears and the other issues. Today no more honey and no more money. I'm in a deep depression, suffering panic attacks, depression and not been able to sleep more that 2 hours every night for the last 6 months. Sooner or later I will ctb by N or by insomnia, let's see what happens first ...

 

[Cee]

Hello, all. I joined this site to end my life as soon as possible. I've tried to be hopeful about getting over my BPD and depression but was recently dumped and told some things that made me realize I don't really have what it takes to make any meaningful progress, let alone overcome mental illness. Even if I can, I don't want to keep going through the journey.

I guess I also want to feel less lonely in my last days. I'm 19, female, and into vidya games. I also have an obsession with being beautiful lmao. I guess it hasn't helped that I can't afford plastic surgery. IDK how this site works but feel free to talk to me, it'd be really nice :) just keep in mind I am not comfortable helping aid others' deaths- just mine.

I'm looking for a peaceful exit, I think I deserve that. Something I can do in my car so my mom doesn't have to find my body in my room. Was pretty set on a nitrogen/helium exit bag but wouldn't mind hearing about anything easier.

Have a mellow day, everybody.

Nice to meet you, welcome !!
I relate to some of what you said, so feel free to chat with me whenever, im on pretty often :)

 

[davidlynchfan666]

Hi,

I'm a failed cultural studies student who had a rough childhood

 

[IronicFail]

Hi all,

My story is a bit unique but the result is still the same as many people here. And reading these forums, before joining, I saw a community that understood people like me and was made of people like me. Seeing this place filled me with peace and made me feel empowered.

Now, I am ready to stop fighting my fear of the unknown and resolve myself to CTB - something I've wanted since I was 8.

I've tried before... Sat with a loaded .45, but my hand was so shaky that I was afraid I'd skip. And I didn't want others to feel guilty or responsible.

Since then, I've moved countries. I don't have access to firearms here. I've also come to the conclusion that I need to focus on myself. No longer can I worry about people feeling guilty or responsible for me. I need to do this or I will end up in a worse place where I'll have no control.

Please, what I need help with is making logistical plans and timelines. I've a dog that I need to get to the family I want to give him to. But they know me enough to know that me giving my dog up is a "warning sign" (like call a crisis team now kind of emergency) and they know me well enough that I can't lie and say I need a sitter for him. I also want to write out a living will that is legally binding in case things don't go to plan. I also want a proper last will and testament that has some complicated bits to it.

Thank you for having been here for me, even before I was a member.

 

[Duqu]

I don't think I ever said anything here. I've been here for like a month and haven't introduced myself. How rude.

My name is Lane. I don't mind saying my first name and where I live (Seattle, WA, USA) as it's a huge city and you don't know my last name or even if that is my real first name (heh) so I don't think anyone will be calling the cops on me. And I use a VPN that has me in New York at the moment.

I'm 30, last psych hospitalization was three days at the end of march/beginning of april. I wanted to stay longer (believe it or not it was a pretty decent place for the most part) because I hadn't slept in over a week and prior to that one hour a night for 3 weeks. But they didn't want me there, I was pretty physically ill too (throwing up and such) partially because it turned out (dxed over a month later) that I had C. Diff and partially from the lack of sleep. I was definitely psychotic part of my time there. I'm bipolar 2 and don't usually experience psychosis but when you got that long with sleep and are that dehydrated (I lost 30 pounds in 20 days from not being able to keep food/water down it can happen). But they gave me das boot even after I had clearly told them I was still suicidal and had means and method to kill myself at home. I am pretty sure it's because I have medicaid and it was a private hospital and they don't get paid as much for me. There was a girl there with an eating disorder (I have one too) and she'd been there 2 weeks because of "anxiety" while she was waiting for a spot in an eating disorder program locally. So frustrating. I'm trying to get into a residential eating disorder program locally too but of course I have to get a thing called a "single case agreement" where medicaid agrees to pay the ED center a certain amount (but certainly not the full amount) and I have to go through all sorts of tests and stuff to make sure I *really* need it (which I wouldn't have to do with private insurance). It's hard because while I meet the criteria for anorexia purging subtype, I'm not in the weight category. In fact, I'm quite overweight which is frustrating because I only eat about 500 calories a day and have for years.

/rant

I have a lot of chronic illnesses that cause a great deal of pain on my part. I'm in a wheelchair most of the time, use forearm crutches the rest (like around home; there's not enough room in my apartment for me to move around in my wheelchair). I spend a lot of time going to appointments but it gets me out of the apartment. When I'm not going to appointments I'm either asleep (I sleep a LOT but need meds to do so), on here, playing an MMORPG - lite called Book of Heroes on my phone (let me know if you want to play...it's fun kinda like WoW lite) and world of warcraft. Oh and I do language studies in Duolingo (phone app and website) I'm learning Swedish from scratch and re-learning spanish.

Anyway. I've yammered on enough.

 

[VincentValentine]

I'm Vincent. Just discovered this forum yesterday. It's hard to find forums like this and info on ctb because suicide is taboo, even on most places online. I'm going to ctb pretty soon. I'm looking to discuss methods, availability, reliability, etc.

 

[Desperate_Soul]

I'm Vincent. Just discovered this forum yesterday. It's hard to find forums like this and info on ctb because suicide is taboo, even on most places online. I'm going to ctb pretty soon. I'm looking to discuss methods, availability, reliability, etc.

Welcome to the forum, Vincent! You're in the right place cause all the things you're looking for is on this site! Have fun browsing around different threads that discuss methods, availability, reliability, etc., or even creating threads and posts of your own! Hope to see your name around here more. :)

 

[Mr2005]

The artist formerly known as Mr2004

 

[Desperate_Soul]

The artist formerly known as Mr2004

That was so 14 years ago... 2005 is getting closer to catching up to 2018 though.

 

[Mr2005]

I just need to forget my password another thirteen times

 

[Morning Angel]

Hi. I'm Morning Angel and I've been here since early August. 30 something and ending it over chronic health issues with no support. Taking N.

 

[Fallen_From_Grace]

Hey, you all can call me Fallen, Grace, Angel.. doesn't matter at this point, none of them are my real names anyway. I've got a truckload if mental and emotional issues from being in a constant state of abuse, whether it's from my parents, "friends", or even lovers.

I don't really know who or what I am or what I feel as abuse broke me and I'm trying to find myself... but I don't have too much hope in finding the person I was before people took advantage of my existence.

 

[Ben]

Hey, you all can call me Fallen, Grace, Angel.. doesn't matter at this point, none of them are my real names anyway. I've got a truckload if mental and emotional issues from being in a constant state of abuse, whether it's from my parents, "friends", or even lovers.

I don't really know who or what I am or what I feel as abuse broke me and I'm trying to find myself... but I don't have too much hope in finding the person I was before people took advantage of my existence.

Welcome! You are among friends here :)

 

[Ben]

I'm Vincent. Just discovered this forum yesterday. It's hard to find forums like this and info on ctb because suicide is taboo, even on most places online. I'm going to ctb pretty soon. I'm looking to discuss methods, availability, reliability, etc.

Hey Vincent welcome to the show

 

[Delaying]

Hi there. Found these forums while searching for info on making the final push to ctb. Been reading them for about half a week but now just joined.

Life is just mediocre and a long slog through various bits of hell so I'm now wanting to end things on my own terms. Did choose to ctb several years ago by hs2 when I ad depression but for some reason decided to go for medical help.

Kept my hs2 gear all these years but when I dug them out they are no longer good. Tried partial suspension but couldn't seem to get anywhere during testing. If I went in for a proper try, I may have got somewhere but I can't seem to push myself that far. It could be that I'm afraid of screwing up. If I had gone through with it, I probably wouldn't be writing this right now.

Instead I've ordered some sn and other bits but I have to wait up to 2 weeks before everything arrives so I thought I would sign up and join you all here. Reading through the posts, this seems like a friendly place with nice, realistic people. Not full of "you have so much to live for" people. Thanks for taking me in for what should be at most my last 2 weeks.

 

[Leo]

Hi guys. I'm Leo.
I'm 34
And I want to die.

 

[Desperate_Soul]

Hi guys. I'm Leo.
I'm 34
And I want to die.

Welcome to the forum, Leo. Better late than never for an introduction, right? :)
Aw, almost a haiku! The middle line needs 7 syllables! :P
I also want to die! We already have something in common!

 

[Leo]

Welcome to the forum, Leo. Better late than never for an introduction, right? :)
Aw, almost a haiku! The middle line needs 7 syllables! :P
I also want to die! We already have something in common!

Thanks. Actually I was following this forum since month and joined before week.
I read your earlier post saying deleting typed feeling before posting.
If u I want to open up u can messege me.

 

[Angst Filled Fuck Up]

I never introduced myself either. I'm a 34 year old guy originally from England but now living in the US. I've experienced many problems and so many years of bad luck that I feel in too deep. Death has always been a comforting thought for me - a way to jump ship when I feel it's getting to be too much. I have been depressed and suicidal for most of my life. I am not catching the bus any time soon though, so I hope my being here is okay. I have really enjoyed contributing here already, and am loving how open everyone is. It's awesome to see how much pretense just falls away when you're done pretending and your back is against the wall. It creates a much deeper bond between people, even though we are strangers to each other. Love and peace to all.

 

[Desperate_Soul]

I never introduced myself either. I'm a 34 year old guy originally from England but now living in the US. I've experienced many problems and so many years of bad luck that I feel in too deep. Death has always been a comforting thought for me - a way to jump ship when I feel it's getting to be too much. I have been depressed and suicidal for most of my life. I am not catching the bus any time soon though, so I hope my being here is okay. I have really enjoyed contributing here already, and am loving how open everyone is. It's awesome to see how much pretense just falls away when you're done pretending and your back is against the wall. It creates a much deeper bond between people, even though we are strangers to each other. Love and peace to all.

Welcome to the forum! Of course you being here is okay... the bus runs at all times, no rush. You made me laugh yesterday when you said you slept like a baby... so thank you for that. :) I'm curious now how your accent sounds like now...

 

[Anon1337]

I never introduced myself either. I'm a 34 year old guy originally from England but now living in the US. I've experienced many problems and so many years of bad luck that I feel in too deep. Death has always been a comforting thought for me - a way to jump ship when I feel it's getting to be too much. I have been depressed and suicidal for most of my life. I am not catching the bus any time soon though, so I hope my being here is okay. I have really enjoyed contributing here already, and am loving how open everyone is. It's awesome to see how much pretense just falls away when you're done pretending and your back is against the wall. It creates a much deeper bond between people, even though we are strangers to each other. Love and peace to all.

At least you have access to guns.

 

[Angst Filled Fuck Up]

Welcome to the forum! Of course you being here is okay... the bus runs at all times, no rush. You made me laugh yesterday when you said you slept like a baby... so thank you for that. :) I'm curious now how your accent sounds like now...

Apparently I sound exactly like Simon Cowell. Having heard myself back a few times it's not something I can easily deny.

 

[Angst Filled Fuck Up]

Not me, immigrants on green cards can't get them.

 

[Anon1337]

Not me, immigrants on green cards can't get them.

Guns are extremely common in America. You could probably get hold of one pretty easily.

 

[Anon1337]

Not me, immigrants on green cards can't get them.

Damn.

 

[VincentValentine]

Guns are extremely common in America. You could probably get hold of one pretty easily.

Yes, in most states, you can buy privately or at a gun show, which doesn't require a background check. I know private sales in most states don't require ID/citizenship, but I'm not totally certain about gun shows. I would think they don't either.

Also, if a person doesn't mind a more "public" suicide, some people even go into gun ranges as if they just want to shoot off a few rounds, and then turn the gun on themselves. It's not uncommon here in the states. And most gun ranges don't require background checks, but they do ID.

 

[ctoan]

my name is ctoan

i like dogs and im in love with the admin team


suicide hopefully before christmas

 

[Anon1337]

A depressed person that no one takes seriously. No one knows that I think about suicide every day. I don't think anyone will take me seriously until I'm dead.

 

[Swisher]

my name is ctoan

i like dogs and im in love with the admin team

suicide hopefully before christmas

Hi! Me too, Dogs/admin.
But, Dogs are the only non- disappointing, unconditional love-giving oxytocin in a furry container.

 

[onewayroad]

Hello everybody.

I'm a 30 year old male from Australia. I'm a unemployed scientist who has been struggling with bipolar for at least ten years, maybe more. I attempted suicide during a manic episode 11 years ago but it was totally unplanned and failed.

I have been trying to find medication that will alleviate the suffering I have been feeling for my whole adult life, but I am running out of options. There will always be one option left though...

Not planning on a date, but preparing all the equipment I need so that when the time comes I am ready.

Here to talk to like-minded people and to make sure my method is assured to work.