Kim
Daydreamer
- Sep 18, 2018
- 156
Hi Project77,
I' m from Germany too. I think this forum is a very good place to stay for a while.
Hi Project77,
I' m from Germany too. I think this forum is a very good place to stay for a while.
Cee
cute girl
- Sep 22, 2018
- 81
Most of my cats are typical short hairs- but I do have a Russian Blue cat who is so soft as well as a long haired one, all super sweet
Caustic Cardinals
Enlightened
- Sep 1, 2018
- 1,339
welcome to the human, show enjoy you time be for you gohello :)
I'm Cee, im 18. I have 5 cats, 5 fish, and 1 hamster who are my only reasons for living atm. Trying to decide between life and death is certainly one of the most difficult decisions a person can make, and its one ive been working on for quite some time now. Feel free to message me, im super lonely lmao, we can talk abt whatever
Jai
Specialist
- Sep 23, 2018
- 384
I know it seems like I just did but I meant how do I ask questions start a thread ask for advice etc ? Thanks again
Jai
Specialist
- Sep 23, 2018
- 384
Thank you mate
Hello, im from Brazil, I'm 17 years old and I've had emotional crises since I was 14, I suspect of bipolarity. I am a high school student and although I like to study, I will lose my place as a result of my unproductiveness. I like classical music, rock, indie and a little pop. i real like read game lf thrones, harry potter and lord of the rings to escape from my reality and one of my dreams is to be in a machine of extreme virtual reality to make my life interesting and without responsibilities. another dream is to die peacefully.
I can highly relate to this.
Hello I am new here hopefully I won't stay long.
I want to die because I have no life and no future
I have Asperger's and I like asparagus. I don't like eating asparagus because well it's disgusting I just like the way it looks and feels. I like steamed asparagus because it can twirl around in my fingers I find it soothing to play with asparagus. Asparagus can't love you back so I am lonely
I want to die because I have no life and no future
I have Asperger's and I like asparagus. I don't like eating asparagus because well it's disgusting I just like the way it looks and feels. I like steamed asparagus because it can twirl around in my fingers I find it soothing to play with asparagus. Asparagus can't love you back so I am lonely
asiansouljah
Member
- Sep 17, 2018
- 6
Hey Everyone,
I gave a brief intro before but, I thought that I'd lay out my situation in more detail. Basically, a who, what, when, where and how. This is going to be a bit long. So, please bear with me. Besides being depressed, I have a crippling case of social anxiety.
I'm a loner. I mean that in every sense of the word. I have no friends and have no contact with my family. I'm a square peg in a round world. I don't fit in. I'm housebound. I live like a hermit. A recluse. A shut-in. Borderline agoraphobic. I haven't had a job in over 10 years. I live on a fixed income and I donate plasma just to get by. I spend most of my time in my apartment AKA fortress of solitude. I only go out for groceries.
I'm angry, bitter, jaded, cynical and pessimistic. I'm Clint Eastwood in Gran Torino. "All you swamp rats, Get Off My Lawn". How did I get this way? My parents split up when I was young. The kids suffer the most, right? Add in the fact that I was abandoned by my mother. That can have a profound psychological impact on a child.
As I'm trying to pick up the pieces of my broken family, my dad moves on and creates a new family. A new mom and a couple of half siblings. It's amazing how fast you can go from 1st born son to redheaded stepchild to black sheep. They had their 'golden boys' and had no use for me anymore.
So, I left home and went into the system. I spent my adolescent years in foster homes, group homes and other institutions. Got into a little trouble, nothing major. When I became an adult, I was on my own. I've had little to no contact with my family and that includes my extended family.
I'm unable to engage with people. It's a lonely and miserable way to live. That's my main reason for wanting to CTB. They say that kids who come from broken families spend their entire life trying to create the perfect family. That's certainly been my dream. Wife. Two kids. Dog. House. White picket fence.
When I turned 40, something happened. Call it my biological clock. The dream is dead. That last delusional bit of hope I was clinging to is gone. To me, a life lived alone is no life at all. I am 'The Walking Dead'.
I've been hospitalized on three separate occasions. First time, I was a kid and was just trying to get some attention. Second time, as an adult I tried to hang myself. It didn't go well. You know what, unless you drop from a certain height and snap your neck, it wouldn't be a pleasant way to go. Third time, a few years later, I had a gun. I hadn't set a date but, it was a comforting feeling to have a gun. What happened? One day, the cops came knocking. I must've opened my mouth, one too many times.
It was for the best, though. I've settled on another method. I'm going to take a header off a bridge into water. I've done my research. Any height beyond 150 ft. and you're gambling with your life. For instance, The Golden Gate Bridge has a 98% fatality rate. That's almost foolproof. The few survivors either went in feet first or managed to angle their bodies at the right time.
Anyone seen Scent of A Woman? Well, that's my blueprint. I'm going to paint the town red, literally. Stay in a nice hotel. Hire an escort. Have sex with a woman who's WAY out of my league. Have a last meal and then go for a long walk…
Whew, that went longer than I thought. If you read this far then, I thank you and I'm sorry. Would love to know what you think.
I gave a brief intro before but, I thought that I'd lay out my situation in more detail. Basically, a who, what, when, where and how. This is going to be a bit long. So, please bear with me. Besides being depressed, I have a crippling case of social anxiety.
I'm a loner. I mean that in every sense of the word. I have no friends and have no contact with my family. I'm a square peg in a round world. I don't fit in. I'm housebound. I live like a hermit. A recluse. A shut-in. Borderline agoraphobic. I haven't had a job in over 10 years. I live on a fixed income and I donate plasma just to get by. I spend most of my time in my apartment AKA fortress of solitude. I only go out for groceries.
I'm angry, bitter, jaded, cynical and pessimistic. I'm Clint Eastwood in Gran Torino. "All you swamp rats, Get Off My Lawn". How did I get this way? My parents split up when I was young. The kids suffer the most, right? Add in the fact that I was abandoned by my mother. That can have a profound psychological impact on a child.
As I'm trying to pick up the pieces of my broken family, my dad moves on and creates a new family. A new mom and a couple of half siblings. It's amazing how fast you can go from 1st born son to redheaded stepchild to black sheep. They had their 'golden boys' and had no use for me anymore.
So, I left home and went into the system. I spent my adolescent years in foster homes, group homes and other institutions. Got into a little trouble, nothing major. When I became an adult, I was on my own. I've had little to no contact with my family and that includes my extended family.
I'm unable to engage with people. It's a lonely and miserable way to live. That's my main reason for wanting to CTB. They say that kids who come from broken families spend their entire life trying to create the perfect family. That's certainly been my dream. Wife. Two kids. Dog. House. White picket fence.
When I turned 40, something happened. Call it my biological clock. The dream is dead. That last delusional bit of hope I was clinging to is gone. To me, a life lived alone is no life at all. I am 'The Walking Dead'.
I've been hospitalized on three separate occasions. First time, I was a kid and was just trying to get some attention. Second time, as an adult I tried to hang myself. It didn't go well. You know what, unless you drop from a certain height and snap your neck, it wouldn't be a pleasant way to go. Third time, a few years later, I had a gun. I hadn't set a date but, it was a comforting feeling to have a gun. What happened? One day, the cops came knocking. I must've opened my mouth, one too many times.
It was for the best, though. I've settled on another method. I'm going to take a header off a bridge into water. I've done my research. Any height beyond 150 ft. and you're gambling with your life. For instance, The Golden Gate Bridge has a 98% fatality rate. That's almost foolproof. The few survivors either went in feet first or managed to angle their bodies at the right time.
Anyone seen Scent of A Woman? Well, that's my blueprint. I'm going to paint the town red, literally. Stay in a nice hotel. Hire an escort. Have sex with a woman who's WAY out of my league. Have a last meal and then go for a long walk…
Whew, that went longer than I thought. If you read this far then, I thank you and I'm sorry. Would love to know what you think.
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LifeSick
Eat the rich or die!
- Sep 20, 2018
- 167
Hi everyone, I'm from Brazil, 22 yo. I've lost most of my hope because of a relationship that should have never started (besides depression and anxiety). Really the biggest problem was timing, feel like everything went backwards, otherwise I could probably be fairly happy with my life right now. Also drugs. stay away from them if you can. Right now I'm trying to learn how to forgive others and myself because I know I wont be able to ctb anytime soon. There's so much more I want to write but this isn't the right place I think. maybe someday I'll make a thread to get it off my chest.
LifeSick
Eat the rich or die!
- Sep 20, 2018
- 167
Loneliness really sucks. I never had to deal with anything close to what you had to growing up but my social anxiety makes me push everyone away anyway. Can't even imagine what it was like for you having to go through all this shit. Really hope you can find peace soon.
Desperate_Soul
I'll See You Guys On The Other Side Of The Rainbow
- Aug 26, 2018
- 1,980
Welcome to the forum, LifeSick! Luckily, this forum is prochoice so you don't have to ctb anytime soon, just whenever you're ready, or if you'll ever be ready. But for the time being, this forum has pretty much everything here for just about anybody, so feel free to be yourself around here. I hope you find all you need here that will help your situation and whatever you decide for your future. I hope to see your name around this forum more often. :)
Hi everyone male 29 from uk been reading forum for weeks first post.
Desperate_Soul
I'll See You Guys On The Other Side Of The Rainbow
- Aug 26, 2018
- 1,980
Congratulations on your first post! Glad to see you finally joining in the forum after weeks of hiding! I guess you saw a lot of things you liked and stuck around to join in on the show. You probably know how things work around here from all those readings so I won't bother you with that! Hope to see more posts from you in the future! :)
Im from Italy, Im waiting to die...Im bored, no friends, today it was funny here on this site with this people, maybe I'll search other similar sites on the darknet
wiIIow
Arcanist
- Sep 22, 2018
- 458
hello, I'm willow. Been around ss and related communities for ~2 years now.
ive had severe issues with anxiety since i was about 5 yrs old, and since then I've developed my own personal nightmarish buffet of mental and physical problems. I'm in constant pain. my mental state has escalated beyond my control. being alive is so unpleasant and it's comforting to be around people who feel similarly, so... here I am.
Im particularly passionate about music, art and video games, or at least i used to be before i became this empty husk
ive had severe issues with anxiety since i was about 5 yrs old, and since then I've developed my own personal nightmarish buffet of mental and physical problems. I'm in constant pain. my mental state has escalated beyond my control. being alive is so unpleasant and it's comforting to be around people who feel similarly, so... here I am.
Im particularly passionate about music, art and video games, or at least i used to be before i became this empty husk
Desperate_Soul
I'll See You Guys On The Other Side Of The Rainbow
- Aug 26, 2018
- 1,980
Welcome to the forum, Willow, glad you made an account here to hopefully add your opinion and voice to this site! You already know how things work around here, so you know that you can be yourself and easily find support, resources, comfort, a place to vent, and basically everything on SS. I can't wait to see what other posts you're going to make. :)
wiIIow
Arcanist
- Sep 22, 2018
- 458
thanks man, appreciate the warm welcome. take care
Highest high to the lowest low.
Hi there.
Been lurking around this site for a while and thought I would introduce myself with a story.
So 2017 was one of the best years ove had during my rather mediocre stay on this planet.
A woman I loved traveled the world a future something to look forward to.
12 months later the woman i love leaves. I have to leave my home town move halfway across the country.
I know it must seem like i have it 'easier' than a lot of people here. I have no (diagnosed) mental health problems. No physical health problems.
I work I can keep a roof over my head.
So what's the problem I hear you all cry?
Soul destroying crippling loneliness. I have no friends I have family but we aren't close.
Working in a customer facing role makes it worse every day. The fake smiles the fake platitudes the fake conversation. People talking for the sake of talking with nothing to say.
Everytime I wake up I have a few seconds of relief untill the realness of my situation.
I have my method.
I have the materials.
All I'm missing is a location.
And conviction.
So my hello turned into a bit of a rant!
Hi there.
Been lurking around this site for a while and thought I would introduce myself with a story.
So 2017 was one of the best years ove had during my rather mediocre stay on this planet.
A woman I loved traveled the world a future something to look forward to.
12 months later the woman i love leaves. I have to leave my home town move halfway across the country.
I know it must seem like i have it 'easier' than a lot of people here. I have no (diagnosed) mental health problems. No physical health problems.
I work I can keep a roof over my head.
So what's the problem I hear you all cry?
Soul destroying crippling loneliness. I have no friends I have family but we aren't close.
Working in a customer facing role makes it worse every day. The fake smiles the fake platitudes the fake conversation. People talking for the sake of talking with nothing to say.
Everytime I wake up I have a few seconds of relief untill the realness of my situation.
I have my method.
I have the materials.
All I'm missing is a location.
And conviction.
So my hello turned into a bit of a rant!
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Desperate_Soul
I'll See You Guys On The Other Side Of The Rainbow
- Aug 26, 2018
- 1,980
Well, hello to you too! Depression isn't fair and it attacks whoever it wants to, so just because it may seem your life is 'easier' than some on here doesn't make your problem less important. I'm glad you finally made an account on this forum and came out of your lurking spot! I hope you find all you need here and more - since you've already got your materials and method, it all comes down to when you want to do it. As you can already tell, we're all pro-choice here, so we'll support you whether you decide you've finally accepted death, or if you want to continue living for the hell of it. Hope to see you around this forum more often. :)
letmediethanks
Member
- Sep 26, 2018
- 13
Hello, all. I joined this site to end my life as soon as possible. I've tried to be hopeful about getting over my BPD and depression but was recently dumped and told some things that made me realize I don't really have what it takes to make any meaningful progress, let alone overcome mental illness. Even if I can, I don't want to keep going through the journey.
I guess I also want to feel less lonely in my last days. I'm 19, female, and into vidya games. I also have an obsession with being beautiful lmao. I guess it hasn't helped that I can't afford plastic surgery. IDK how this site works but feel free to talk to me, it'd be really nice :) just keep in mind I am not comfortable helping aid others' deaths- just mine.
I'm looking for a peaceful exit, I think I deserve that. Something I can do in my car so my mom doesn't have to find my body in my room. Was pretty set on a nitrogen/helium exit bag but wouldn't mind hearing about anything easier.
Have a mellow day, everybody.
I guess I also want to feel less lonely in my last days. I'm 19, female, and into vidya games. I also have an obsession with being beautiful lmao. I guess it hasn't helped that I can't afford plastic surgery. IDK how this site works but feel free to talk to me, it'd be really nice :) just keep in mind I am not comfortable helping aid others' deaths- just mine.
I'm looking for a peaceful exit, I think I deserve that. Something I can do in my car so my mom doesn't have to find my body in my room. Was pretty set on a nitrogen/helium exit bag but wouldn't mind hearing about anything easier.
Have a mellow day, everybody.
satou
not yet
- Sep 3, 2018
- 225
@letmediethanks
welcome and pro avatar
welcome and pro avatar
Many of these posts are from people aged 20 or 30. I recommend giving it your best shot, trying to experience new things, ways of life, travel. Seeing how other people live, it can change your dynamic, if only for a while. When you're completely exhausted then think again. You might not be as exhausted as you think quite yet.
Desperate_Soul
I'll See You Guys On The Other Side Of The Rainbow
- Aug 26, 2018
- 1,980
Welcome to the forum! I first read your name as 'let me diet'... lol. You won't feel lonely here, just keep posting and reading posts. Understanding people here. :)
Escargot Shorts
Tears-of-a-Clown Ass Bitch
- Sep 26, 2018
- 188
What's poppin', fam.
Found this place while wondering about the process of dying in a hot car and seeing a thread about it here (found out it's awful!). For at least over half my life, I've put up w/ being suicidal (and like, the other emotional baggage that often comes w/ it). Therapy may have helped me develop pretty decent listening techniques and ways to navigate emotions within myself and with others but still hasn't quite landed in that sweet spot to make me not want to die (one therapist, after an intense session, tried to get me to check into a clinic to be put on watch after i disclosed suicidal urges--i'd spend the next two hours convincing her i was actually fine [i was having guests over that night, so like that would've been super inconvenient!]). So yeah. It's. Kinda dope that I've found this place.
I haven't really settled on a method, but I do know I'd like it to be kept clean. It probably wouldn't be an easy thing to deal with for others in the aftermath. But I wouldn't want to cause too much of an inconvenience or the imagined emotional burdens make me sad. So for now, that mostly keeps me going. So we'll see how that goes until that's no longer enough or I scrounge up an internalized will to live.
So yeah, I like cooking, the true crime genre, pop music, and tabletop roleplaying games. Horseshoe crabs are my favorite animal.
Found this place while wondering about the process of dying in a hot car and seeing a thread about it here (found out it's awful!). For at least over half my life, I've put up w/ being suicidal (and like, the other emotional baggage that often comes w/ it). Therapy may have helped me develop pretty decent listening techniques and ways to navigate emotions within myself and with others but still hasn't quite landed in that sweet spot to make me not want to die (one therapist, after an intense session, tried to get me to check into a clinic to be put on watch after i disclosed suicidal urges--i'd spend the next two hours convincing her i was actually fine [i was having guests over that night, so like that would've been super inconvenient!]). So yeah. It's. Kinda dope that I've found this place.
I haven't really settled on a method, but I do know I'd like it to be kept clean. It probably wouldn't be an easy thing to deal with for others in the aftermath. But I wouldn't want to cause too much of an inconvenience or the imagined emotional burdens make me sad. So for now, that mostly keeps me going. So we'll see how that goes until that's no longer enough or I scrounge up an internalized will to live.
So yeah, I like cooking, the true crime genre, pop music, and tabletop roleplaying games. Horseshoe crabs are my favorite animal.
Desperate_Soul
I'll See You Guys On The Other Side Of The Rainbow
- Aug 26, 2018
- 1,980
Welcome to the forum! I enjoyed reading your intro... it has a chill, laidback vibe to it despite it being also having a bit of suicidal talk in there. I hope to see more posts from you and your personality around this forum. :)
fuckthis
I've made up my mind.
- Sep 23, 2018
- 263
Just another recluse.
When I was younger I had a small group of friends, I was also a bit of a prick. So perhaps all of this is karma. Always been a pretty shy person, especially in school. High School was terrible, didn't revise for my finals and stressed for most of my last year. Somehow pulled through it and got A - C across all of my subjects. All I had to do now was to enroll in a college, got too anxious and rolled up in my duvet. My family didn't know what was up, had one last chance to enroll 3 weeks ago and fucked it. Now I have no qualifications and just sit inside all day fantasizing about stupid shit whilst listening to music or watching youtube. I have no hobbies, friends have moved on and those still around me don't really know what's going on. Local council keep calling to know what's up. I'm not picking up and am now actively looking to commit. I don't know what's going on, I'm lost and scared. I don't know how things are going to turn out, and I don't really want to be there to see it.
When I was younger I had a small group of friends, I was also a bit of a prick. So perhaps all of this is karma. Always been a pretty shy person, especially in school. High School was terrible, didn't revise for my finals and stressed for most of my last year. Somehow pulled through it and got A - C across all of my subjects. All I had to do now was to enroll in a college, got too anxious and rolled up in my duvet. My family didn't know what was up, had one last chance to enroll 3 weeks ago and fucked it. Now I have no qualifications and just sit inside all day fantasizing about stupid shit whilst listening to music or watching youtube. I have no hobbies, friends have moved on and those still around me don't really know what's going on. Local council keep calling to know what's up. I'm not picking up and am now actively looking to commit. I don't know what's going on, I'm lost and scared. I don't know how things are going to turn out, and I don't really want to be there to see it.
Escargot Shorts
Tears-of-a-Clown Ass Bitch
- Sep 26, 2018
- 188
it does sound like a scary time. i'm sorry you're going through all this and feeling alone. i didn't go to college immediately after high school and kept a lot of people in the dark about it too. it sucked.
