Introduce yourself

[I’vehadenough]

Hello all i'm 34 years old male. Lost boths my older brother and my twinbrother in suicide hanging some years ago. Now it seems my life is going the same way. Maybe i can meet them two in heaven

 

[Judas]

Im really bad at these things, but heres the "Hey, I'm new here" bit.
My entire life, give or take a few details/months total, has been just another sob-story.
Got diagnosed with PTSD, ADD, Major Depressive, and Borderline Personality Disorder in 2017, which is also the year I finally tried taking my own mental health into my own hands, and everything went wrong, in that order.
Not sure about what else to put here.

 

[kidd]

Thanks for sharing your stories. For everyone who's looking to ctb for reasons that are fixable or curable even though it doesn't seem that way from where you are right now (as depression will do): I hope the solution comes to you before you make your decision. I hope everyone feels they have exhausted all other possibilities. I mean if there is anything left at this point that you haven't tried but think would have a positive impact in your life, give yourself a chance.

Beyond that: my life cycles through the same predictable, disappointing patterns despite my struggles for change over the last two decades and to my mind it's because of my basic setup. I feel I've done what I can to improve my life quality and don't think it's right to expect more of me.

 

[AlexM]

I'm female, victem of a surgery gone wrong where I can no longer live a normal life.

Hugs

 

[Unsurebaker]

24 year old American female in Europe. Thought I could finally be happy for it to be destroyed entirely. I honestly don't know what anyone wants to know but I'm here I guess so thought I should say hi. Thank you for allowing me to be here.

 

[Antisad]

Hey guys, I am so, so very happy to have found this website. I basically come to tears every time I come and log-in to this place and read everyone's stories and seeing their support for one another. I've just joined recently and would love to know some really caring and wonderful people here and have some to talk to before I decide to CTB this Christmas if things turn out the way I think it will. A bit about myself:

1. I LOVE aviation and flying.
2. I used to be a tiny bit of a weeb myself, haha.
3. LoFi music and similar genres are my blood type
4. I love video editing
5. I play some video games when I get the chance: FPS, some RTS, some Indie.
6. I absolutely LOVE Christmas time
7. However, it's the time where I feel the the utmost worst.
8. I have some pretty bad anxiety and always need to have someone here with me or video chat with
9. My depression is frickin killer, haha
10. I overthink A LOT
11. I have a horrible fear of abandonment
12. I love being able to support others and help them in any and every way I can
13. Again, if things turn out the way I think it will, I'll ctb :)
14. I already have a plan
15. Only 1 extremely close friend of mine knows.
16. I want to write as many letters as I can before I go.
17. I'd love to get to know some people!

 

[I’vehadenough]

Hey guys, I am so, so very happy to have found this website. I basically come to tears every time I come and log-in to this place and read everyone's stories and seeing their support for one another. I've just joined recently and would love to know some really caring and wonderful people here and have some to talk to before I decide to CTB this Christmas if things turn out the way I think it will. A bit about myself:

1. I LOVE aviation and flying.
2. I used to be a tiny bit of a weeb myself, haha.
3. LoFi music and similar genres are my blood type
4. I love video editing
5. I play some video games when I get the chance: FPS, some RTS, some Indie.
6. I absolutely LOVE Christmas time
7. However, it's the time where I feel the the utmost worst.
8. I have some pretty bad anxiety and always need to have someone here with me or video chat with
9. My depression is frickin killer, haha
10. I overthink A LOT
11. I have a horrible fear of abandonment
12. I love being able to support others and help them in any and every way I can
13. Again, if things turn out the way I think it will, I'll ctb :)
14. I already have a plan
15. Only 1 extremely close friend of mine knows.
16. I want to write as many letters as I can before I go.
17. I'd love to get to know some people!

Welcome!

 

[Antisad]

Welcome!

Thank you so much! :)

 

[I’vehadenough]

Hello all i'm 34 years old male. Lost boths my older brother and my twinbrother in suicide hanging some years ago. Now it seems my life is going the same way. Maybe i can meet them two in heaven

 

[MeltingHeart]

wh

Hi my name is Jord, from Scandinavia and in i am 40, want to die please.

what does and in i am 40 mean?

 

[JordT]

wh

what does and in i am 40 mean?

I was too paranoid last year, so pretended to be older and from a different country. I wanted to PM people and such, as you know I don't care anymore if people know who I am or what I plan to do. So yeah, ignore any of my first post, just me being paranoid. lol

 

[MeltingHeart]

I was too paranoid last year, so pretended to be older and from a different country. I wanted to PM people and such, as you know I don't care anymore if people know who I am or what I plan to do. So yeah, ignore any of my first post, just me being paranoid. lol

lol. fair enough-im sure others do the same

 

[TotallyIsolated]

Hi. Male, 36. I used to post on a subreddit with the same name before it was banned years ago. For some reason it didn't occur to me there would be a separate forum!

The suicidal thoughts are back and being unemployed with no income gives me a ticking clock, so I'm starting to feel ready to CTB but not before Christmas for my mum's sake.

 

[lowres]

Hi. I've had an account on this forum for a long while now but ive never really done anything besides lurk until today so i figured i could make an introduction post.
I'm an 18 year old male with no aspirations for a future whatsoever. I'm unemployed, My home life is on edge and i may be homeless soon due to both those facts so im hoping to ctb by the new year. I enjoy Anime/Manga, Vidya James and obscure weird media. When I'm not debating suicide I'm an aspiring artist I practice doing cartoony character designs and shitty feux anime/realistic proportioned stuff my dream would be to direct and do art work for video games and multimedia projects like largescale ARGs.

 

[BrokenHopes]

Hello there. Im 32, female. I have been lurking on this site for a while. It gives me alot of comfort to read about people in similar situations (even though I wish you didnt have to go through that ofcourse) and this seems to be a nice community. Im not 100% sure about CBTing yet since I dont take it lightly (who does?)but am preparing for it and dont think I can see another way. I have a life full with trauma, mental problems, ptsd, anxiety, depression, isolation, addiction but Im over one year sober now but my brain seems to be broken. Dont have education or anything. Have tried really hard to work and build a new life, gave it all I had, but everytime it comes crashing down and I dont think I have more fight in me to continue or try one more time. Something has died inside me. I am just tired of it all.

 

[Moonicide]

Hi! I feel so bad for making an introduction when I should be gone soon. But all of you have made me feel so less alone. I almost feel happy for have founding SS and you all. I'm a girl in her late 20s. I enjoy art, communicating with others through technology, taking care of animals, creativity, making music mixes for loved ones, and playing video games to pass the time. It's not much, but has brought me joy and has kept me alive until now.

It's nice to meet you all.

 

[TheStranger]

Hey. I'm a 20 year old college student. I came here to school hoping that starting my life would make me feel less like an outsider, only to realize I've been doomed from the start. I'm holding out to visit my fiancé this winter break. But I'm thinking of ending it next semester. I Get pushed out of everything I work for.. couldn't even kill myself right. I like to read, cinema, math and physics, art, etc

good to meet you guys

 

[MissNietzsche]

I've been on here a long time, but still looking for people to chat with so I can kill time while waiting for my death

I'm female, victem of a surgery gone wrong where I can no longer live a normal life. Before this, I was a party girl with several college degrees, and there's no way I'm going from living that life to this one of pure shit and boredom.

I plan to go out via soft hanging or heroin. Would like to meet ppl

Would you mind sharing what kind of surgery it was?

 

[56709]

Hi, I'm a 22-year-old virgin guy with no degrees or certifications. I am unemployed with no real prospects and on top of all of that am still suffering from several physical conditions that make me even more anxious to talk to people and form relationships. My online activity similarly has amounted to nothing. I have no lasting connections and disabled my social media accounts last year(terrible decision).

 

[NerdyNihilist]

Hello everyone.

I'm a 26y/o guy who's been struggling with bipolar and social anxiety his whole life.
Never had any real friends, let alone a gf, and I have a dreadful feeling that it will stay like that forever.

It's only been my first few days on this website, and I must say that I already feel at home.
So many people here that I can relate to in such a small space.
Some relatability can do wonders when you're in such a dark state of mind...

 

[NordNihilist]

Hello everyone.

I'm a 26y/o guy who's been struggling with bipolar and social anxiety his whole life.
Never had any real friends, let alone a gf, and I have a dreadful feeling that it will stay like that forever.

It's only been my first few days on this website, and I must say that I already feel at home.
So many people here that I can relate to in such a small space.
Some relatability can do wonders when you're in such a dark state of mind...

I could copy paste all that and it would almost fit on me perfectly aswell. Welcome.

 

[CursedFortune]

Hi everyone,

I'm a a girl in her late 20s currently in school for a degree I'm lacking passion in, a job that I hate and recently married to my high school sweetheart. On paper I seem to have a charmed life, but I'm battling a whole host of mental issues and the people around me don't seem to realize how bad it is these days, despite my attempts to communicate what's wrong. I feel like I slept-walked through the nightmare of high school and college, I barely have memories from those 8 years (which scares me), and have no friends. I've gone to a handful of therapists over the years but because I come across as calm and introspective, they don't realize how bad things really are for me. No matter who I'm with, I feel misunderstood and alone.

I spent years post-college in an agoraphobic state and now that I'm back in school, I'm realizing how far behind I am compared to my peers in social skills, which is what everything is based on. Everyday I feel overwhelmed and everything intimidates and scares me. I feel super unprepared for adult life. I've almost never felt happy to be alive, and I feel like I'm too weak of a person to keep living if I can't manage and overcome these relatively mild issues (compared to how much worse others have it).

I cried almost everyday to my husband when I was in school the first time around, but this time my feelings are forming cracks in my young marriage and I'm so scared I'll be abandoned by the one person who has supported me through all of this. I'm falling apart and no one seems to understand the depths of despair that I've had more than half of my life. I don't know who I am, I don't know what I like, I never know what to say, my memory is trash. I've always felt like an empty husk of a person and I just want all of these painful feelings to end. I feel like I should have gotten proper help over 15 years ago but things are too late for me now that I have more responsibilities and I can't put the things I'm pursuing on pause. If I quit, I'm just going to become a loser again. I feel so trapped.

Edit: I enjoyed reading many of your comments, I can relate to how many of you all are feeling in a way that I've struggled to with others. I'm glad I found this community....

 

[MelancholyPie]

I just now found this thread and noticed I didn't introduce myself before posting here.

I'm a 20y/o nonbinary trans person struggling with depression and perhaps something else. I still have friends but sometimes I drive some of them away because my MI gets too difficult to handle and I end up engaging in toxic behavior.

This place is very cool and I intend to keep visiting this forum.

 

[Qdv]

Hi everyone,

I'm a a girl in her late 20s currently in school for a degree I'm lacking passion in, a job that I hate and recently married to my high school sweetheart. On paper I seem to have a charmed life, but I'm battling a whole host of mental issues and the people around me don't seem to realize how bad it is these days, despite my attempts to communicate what's wrong. I feel like I slept-walked through the nightmare of high school and college, I barely have memories from those 8 years (which scares me), and have no friends. I've gone to a handful of therapists over the years but because I come across as calm and introspective, they don't realize how bad things really are for me. No matter who I'm with, I feel misunderstood and alone.

I spent years post-college in an agoraphobic state and now that I'm back in school, I'm realizing how far behind I am compared to my peers in social skills, which is what everything is based on. Everyday I feel overwhelmed and everything intimidates and scares me. I feel super unprepared for adult life. I've almost never felt happy to be alive, and I feel like I'm too weak of a person to keep living if I can't manage and overcome these relatively mild issues (compared to how much worse others have it).

I cried almost everyday to my husband when I was in school the first time around, but this time my feelings are forming cracks in my young marriage and I'm so scared I'll be abandoned by the one person who has supported me through all of this. I'm falling apart and no one seems to understand the depths of despair that I've had more than half of my life. I don't know who I am, I don't know what I like, I never know what to say, my memory is trash. I've always felt like an empty husk of a person and I just want all of these painful feelings to end. I feel like I should have gotten proper help over 15 years ago but things are too late for me now that I have more responsibilities and I can't put the things I'm pursuing on pause. If I quit, I'm just going to become a loser again. I feel so trapped.

Edit: I enjoyed reading many of your comments, I can relate to how many of you all are feeling in a way that I've struggled to with others. I'm glad I found this community....

I completely relate to this

 

[ValideSultana]

Hello there. I'm a 47 year old woman, I have a whole list of problems, both mental and physical. I see a lot of people on social media talking about their 'anxiety' or their being 'bipolar',' and it drives me insane. These aren't fashionable accessories for people to dangle. For them it seems to be about getting a 'slice of the attention pie', as I call it. I'm not saying all people on social media are aiming for attention, but a lot of them are. If the attention seekers really had these illnesses, they'd realize just how fucking awful they really are. Every day is a struggle. I really do have chronic anxiety, I'm manic depressive, and I have PTSD. Along with that I have a rare disease called Milroy's Disease that I inherited from my father, arthritis, DDD, Osteoporosis, and chronic pain. I've survived recurring cancer twice, and also survived a tumour in my spinal cord. When the tumour was taken out of my spine, it left me a little bit incontinent, and with quite a bit of bone missing.
I've self-harmed for over thirty years to get my anger out.
I have tried ending my life by hanging, suffocation with a belt, overdoses, gun and slashing my wrist. Obviously because of this I discovered they're slow, painful ways to go (apart from the gun, and I'm not getting into that) and don't generally succeed. I want to live for another 10-15 years in an ideal world. Late 50's to early 60's is a good age. However, even with my medication nearly every day I feel I want to go for good. Crazy, huh?
I wish assisted suicide and euthanasia was legal worldwide for everyone. We don't choose to come into this world, but we should be allowed to choose when and how we go out. Pain free, and with dignity. Ideally I'd go to Dignitas, but I can't afford it on the pension I receive. I live in a very religious country where I can't even tell my friends I'm an Atheist, let alone tell them about my mental health. Even the doctors (apart from psychiatrists) here think you're crazy if they find out you're on any kind of benzodiazepine, which I am.

 

[BPD Barbie]

Hey guys,

I'm a 29 year old female from the southern part of the UK. I have BPD, GAD and Self Injury Disorder. Tried ending my life twice before by overdosing. Want the next time to be successful. So far I've got nothing but good things to say about everyone I've encountered on here and I'm thankful such a place exists

 

[Taki]

Hello there. I'm a 47 year old woman, I have a whole list of problems, both mental and physical. I see a lot of people on social media talking about their 'anxiety' or their being 'bipolar',' and it drives me insane. These aren't fashionable accessories for people to dangle. For them it seems to be about getting a 'slice of the attention pie', as I call it. I'm not saying all people on social media are aiming for attention, but a lot of them are. If the attention seekers really had these illnesses, they'd realize just how fucking awful they really are. Every day is a struggle. I really do have chronic anxiety, I'm manic depressive, and I have PTSD. Along with that I have a rare disease called Milroy's Disease that I inherited from my father, arthritis, DDD, Osteoporosis, and chronic pain. I've survived recurring cancer twice, and also survived a tumour in my spinal cord. When the tumour was taken out of my spine, it left me a little bit incontinent, and with quite a bit of bone missing.
I have tried ending my life by hanging, suffocation with a belt, overdoses, gun and slashing my wrist. Obviously because of this I discovered they're slow, painful ways to go (apart from the gun, and I'm not getting into that) and don't generally succeed. I want to live for another 10-15 years in an ideal world. Late 50's to early 60's is a good age. However, even with my medication nearly every day I feel I want to go for good. Crazy, huh?
I wish assisted suicide and euthanasia was legal worldwide for everyone. We don't choose to come into this world, but we should be allowed to choose when and how we go out. Pain free, and with dignity. Ideally I'd go to Dignitas, but I can't afford it on the pension I receive. I live in a very religious country where I can't even tell my friends I'm an Atheist, let alone tell them about my mental health. Even the doctors (apart from psychiatrists) here think you're crazy if they find out you're on any kind of benzodiazepine, which I am.

I agree. All the "I have anxiety!" types on FB and Twitter are pretty annoying. Clearly many of them don't have a clinical disorder but are just worrying a lot.

 

[MelancholyPie]

Hello there. I'm a 47 year old woman, I have a whole list of problems, both mental and physical. I see a lot of people on social media talking about their 'anxiety' or their being 'bipolar',' and it drives me insane. These aren't fashionable accessories for people to dangle. For them it seems to be about getting a 'slice of the attention pie', as I call it. I'm not saying all people on social media are aiming for attention, but a lot of them are. If the attention seekers really had these illnesses, they'd realize just how fucking awful they really are.

I won't deny that a lot of people seek attention on the internet but to be honest I think this anger is misdirected. First, because seeking attention by itself is not wrong. Many people who may look like they are asking for attention may actually need a little attention or even help. Then, there's also the fact that my generation (and by that I mean the younger millennials and people from gen z) has a very different outlook on how to deal with mental health. I don't know where you're from, but many people your age I've met talk about how back in the days it was taboo to talk about mental illness, let alone have one. Very few people sought help, and many learned to cope with MI in unhealthy ways instead.
In comparison, people now are more open about that matter. Mental health is being discussed and talked about a lot, especially since we are in the middle of a socioeconomic crisis. And that openness to talk and discuss about mental health has been very important, since now more people are getting help and treatment than ever.

Where you might see people dangling mental illnesses as accessories, I see people trying to find others that relate to their unique experiences in order to seek help and to help each other, and even more than that, I see people breaking the taboo that once kept those matters hidden.

Anyway, that's just how I see it, you're entitled to your opinion.

 

[Johnny23]

Hello folk, i am new here .. i have cancer. Anybody here having that and planning his last day?

 

[Farmmaa]

Hi, Since I've already made a few posts I thought I should introduce myself.
I'm 57 - holy crap that sounds sooo old !!
I've been functionally depressed for well over a decade. I am not house bound, I function day to day, I go to work and pretend to be cheerful and friendly but inside I honestly don't remember what happy feels like.
I moved 8 hours away from my grown kids to be closer to my brother and dad, and to get away from a small town after an ugly divorce. I now have three grandbabies who I only see once or twice a year.
I had emergency surgery 9 years ago to my cervical spine after major compression of my spinal cord. It has left me with permanent nerve damage and constant pain and migraines.
Two years ago I lost my brother and young niece in a tragic accident. It's been nearly impossible to deal with.
4 months ago I lost my pup to cancer. She was 10 years old and my best friend, room mate, family... and my reason to keep going.

I don't hate life at all. I love my job, although it doesn't pay enough and I don't know how much longer I can physically do it.
I'm just tired... so damn tired.
I'm tired of the pain, the constant headaches, so tired of the stress of being in debt that I'll never get out of. The stress of barely living paycheque to paycheque.

I've tried to hang on for many years because the thought of hurting my kids is unbearable.... but I never even see them and I feel like more of a burden than anything right now.

Just tired of trying.