Socially.
My family, while theyre not bad people, kind of used me as a scapegoat for everything.
My father always clearly despised me and still does. I tried all my childhood to please him to finally realize what a loser he actually is.
And im just like him.
Im pretty sure thats why we dont like each other.
Overall i was the child people dont like.
So, I became a people pleaser. A passive pussy with no personality.
Watching the world from afar, but with an ego so huge, i was convinced my shitty childhood was the sign of me being a future celebrity.
Reality caught up when i finally realized i was terrible at everything.
When i went to college i kind of gave up on my pipe dream when i began making friends.
I thought that was the most important.
I still do.
But all those friendships are now over.
I dont know what i did back then, but i cant connect with anyone anymore.
People have a clear problem with me.
I got a job 2 month ago, my boss was friendly at first but its gone to the point where he clearly cant stomach me.
I oscillate between hating myself and everyone else. It's torture.
Its not even all that,
I almost died at 1 year old from organ failures. I was never meant to survive.