in need of a TRUE friend and a HUG maybe reassurance things will be ok 😪

[ever so lonely]

so guys as you can see i still have my sn, i guess it wont hurt to show it again what with what happened to kl , i am still tooing and throwing with the idea of offing myself, i am hurting folks, as everybody here is i guess, i feel so utterly lost anxious and hopeless, i appear to be able to make friends then either i distance myself being a natural introvert, or my anxiety interferes and i avoid people and they simply go off me, or feel they have done something wrong when they havnt it is just me, i need space but then don't like it when i have it, anybody else have these patterns of behaviour ?, anybody relate ?, or people tend to double cross me, i had an incident just recently where i put 2 friends together who i know mutual, and they hit it off and proceeded to cut me out of the equation, it hurt so bad, that is the story of my life, abandonment, hurt, treachery, except those who loved me, my family that are gone, i have been cheated on, lied to, stolen from, controlled and manipulated along the way with multiple bearevements suffered, everybody i held close is gone from this world, my mother among them, shes been gone many years now, but i feel lost in this world people, like it hurts to merely be here existing, i find people exhausting too, even tho i wish to make new friends the odds seem stacked against me, i simply cannot find my tribe and when i do i tend to fuck things up, i guess i wanted to post this here again, as havnt been on in a while, and i am nearing going through with it even if a part of me doesnt want to, or isnt so sure of what awaits us on the other side, i mean who can be so sure ?, i am so scared when i feel like this, scared of what i may do to myself and scared for what i may miss out on should i do it, though tbh the way my life is heading (down the pan) i dont envisage me missing out on much, anxiety has prevented me living for years now, i am lost folks, thanks for reading and please do take care, hopefully i didnt ramble too much, if i dont reply that means i have probably killed myself or gone to bed, it is past midnight here in the uk, i am sat looking at the sn knowing what it would do to me, at least i still have the choice within my grasp, a sense of taking back control, and they will even try and prevent that and take that from you, what a shitty society peoples, we are thoroughly awful to eachother, like i say i still have it at least, even after a visit from
uk police as many of us had on here, they never found it, thank you for existing sasu and letting me vent, i feel i am getting close to another attempt, i cannot go on like this peoples, the isolation is killing me, and i doubt i can even change it due to the crippling anxiety i have, what a mess of a situation, anyhoo thanks for listening to my shitty story, i wont claim to be anything special, i know i am not, i am just like everybody else who is here suffering, i hope we each find our peace however that transpires, so does anybody want to be a friend ? please, i promise i am not a weirdo, just uber anxious, i rly could do with a friend of either gender, anyhoo thank you again, i am just a nobody, a little nobody who has achieved nothing of note, i should have died a long time ago, i am so overwhelmed.

 

[IndyAna]

I'm really sorry you're going through this. I'm here if you wanna talk

 

[ever so lonely]

thank you so much i rly appreciate it honestly, i know you mean it too, that is what is so cool about this community, thank you for that again

 

[The anhedonic one]

Hi, ever so lonely.
I'm in the UK and my story is very similar to yours.
I have struggled with anxiety since age 6. I was bullied at school and never fit in due to my severe shyness and social anxiety.
I have clinical depression and bipolar type 1, and tend to push people away because I am afraid of abandonment. Sounds crazy I know but I can't help this push-pull issue with relationships.
I have also been betrayed and abused by so-called friends many times. This I suspect is because I am too much of a nice person, so therefore people take advantage.
I'm here if you need a friend though.

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

Hi Terry,
Sorry things have gotten worse.
I feel the same as you do. So called friends can't be bothered to even text unless I text first.
Sometimes I don't even get a text back. I don't know what I did. I would like a true friend or bro also.
Even a hug would be great. I don't care if we are Bros. There isn't anything wrong with a hug. I guess some people consider it being weak.
I don't have a girlfriend to hug so what does it matter. People just use each other. I've been through some of the same things you have. Anxiety is a bitch.
Can't give you a hug IRL so I will give you one here.

 

[nessun_nome]

so guys as you can see i still have my sn, i guess it wont hurt to show it again what with what happened to kl , i am still tooing and throwing with the idea of offing myself, i am hurting folks, as everybody here is i guess, i feel so utterly lost anxious and hopeless, i appear to be able to make friends then either i distance myself being a natural introvert, or my anxiety interferes and i avoid people and they simply go off me, or feel they have done something wrong when they havnt it is just me, i need space but then don't like it when i have it, anybody else have these patterns of behaviour ?, anybody relate ?, or people tend to double cross me, i had an incident just recently where i put 2 friends together who i know mutual, and they hit it off and proceeded to cut me out of the equation, it hurt so bad, that is the story of my life, abandonment, hurt, treachery, except those who loved me, my family that are gone, i have been cheated on, lied to, stolen from, controlled and manipulated along the way with multiple bearevements suffered, everybody i held close is gone from this world, my mother among them, shes been gone many years now, but i feel lost in this world people, like it hurts to merely be here existing, i find people exhausting too, even tho i wish to make new friends the odds seem stacked against me, i simply cannot find my tribe and when i do i tend to fuck things up, i guess i wanted to post this here again, as havnt been on in a while, and i am nearing going through with it even if a part of me doesnt want to, or isnt so sure of what awaits us on the other side, i mean who can be so sure ?, i am so scared when i feel like this, scared of what i may do to myself and scared for what i may miss out on should i do it, though tbh the way my life is heading (down the pan) i dont envisage me missing out on much, anxiety has prevented me living for years now, i am lost folks, thanks for reading and please do take care, hopefully i didnt ramble too much, if i dont reply that means i have probably killed myself or gone to bed, it is past midnight here in the uk, i am sat looking at the sn knowing what it would do to me, at least i still have the choice within my grasp, a sense of taking back control, and they will even try and prevent that and take that from you, what a shitty society peoples, we are thoroughly awful to eachother, like i say i still have it at least, even after a visit from
uk police as many of us had on here, they never found it, thank you for existing sasu and letting me vent, i feel i am getting close to another attempt, i cannot go on like this peoples, the isolation is killing me, and i doubt i can even change it due to the crippling anxiety i have, what a mess of a situation, anyhoo thanks for listening to my shitty story, i wont claim to be anything special, i know i am not, i am just like everybody else who is here suffering, i hope we each find our peace however that transpires, so does anybody want to be a friend ? please, i promise i am not a weirdo, just uber anxious, i rly could do with a friend of either gender, anyhoo thank you again, i am just a nobody, a little nobody who has achieved nothing of note, i should have died a long time ago, i am so overwhelmed.

Hi Terry, that was a very heartfelt message which resonates with me and I am sure with many others too.

l'm in the UK too and here if you want someone to talk to.

A big hug to you.

Dave