Venting in limbo

[window]

im so ready to ctb but im also so scared of it. im scared of it not working. im scared of my life after if it doesn't work. im scared of being nothing after I die. i know i mean a lot to people and the last thing i want to do is hurt them but i feel like the only way i can show them how much pain im in is with suicide. i dont know what im trying to prove or why. i don't even feel real anymore. im not even sure what this is, i just want to start using this account i guess. i hope someone can help me. i dont want to be scared of the possibilities anymore. i want to be able to know that for sure, there is nothing else that will help me but suicide. i hope this makes sense, im in the midst of a breakdown but i just needed to reach out to people who wont keep telling me that it'll get better. i want real answers on how to not be as scared regretting suicide. thanks for reading <3

 

[The anhedonic one]

Welcome to the forum @window
I'm so sorry that this cruel world has brought you here.
There are lots of good people here to support you without fear of judgement.

 

[window]

Welcome to the forum @window
I'm so sorry that this cruel world has brought you here.
There are lots of good people here to support you without fear of judgement.

thank you so much darling <3

 

[AllFoxedOut]

yes, welcome! you don't have to worry about judgement or empty platitudes here. we keep it real. I'm sorry life has led you here as it has also led me here.

 

[90starve]

hi window - welcome <3
i can relate to a lot of the things you've described here - life can be so confusing and scary, im sorry that you're feeling this way.

thinking of you :)

 

[MrDarkness]

Welcome, I know your going through a breakdown and your emotions are all over the place, usually your brain isn't thinking correctly, make sure to think carefully about ctb or other self inflicted methods, as you don't want to regret your choice

I hope you can find peace in life or death

 

[window]

thank you all so so much <33

 

[90starve]

just an FYI about the site: try using the "Quote" feature to reply to users. it will send alerts and users will be able to see your replies faster <3

 

[FuneralCry]

Failing a ctb attempt is certainly what I fear but I personally find the thought of eternal nothingness with everything finally forgotten about to be so incredibly comforting, as to die solves all problems and one cannot be harmed by not existing, those who are gone are finally free and I only fear this hellish reality where there is unlimited potential to suffer endlessly. Existing is so pointless and dreadful which is why I see death as being the only true relief but anyway I wish you the best.