Venting In an hour Im going to share my teatimony at my church...

[qualityOV3Rquantity]

And it's all bullshit. Well, not all of it, but lots of it. I'm going to stand in front of my congregation and read people my story, about how I was depressed but then I became Christian and now my life has meaning. That isn't a lie, but the reality is that meaning isn't enough. I'm still depressed; in fact, I'm far more depressed than I was when I was an atheist, because back then I didn't have painful chronic physical health problems. I'm going to mislead everyone at my church into thinking I'm now coping better with life's challenges, when in fact I've already given up and been totally defeated by life, and will almost certainly end my life before the year is up.

I'm sorry Jesus, maybe you would have healed me eventually, but I couldn't hold on until then. Please forgive me, have mercy on my broken soul.

 

[Michi_Violeta]

And it's all bullshit. Well, not all of it, but lots of it. I'm going to stand in front of my congregation and read people my story, about how I was depressed but then I became Christian and now my life has meaning. That isn't a lie, but the reality is that meaning isn't enough. I'm still depressed; in fact, I'm far more depressed than I was when I was an atheist, because back then I didn't have painful chronic physical health problems. I'm going to mislead everyone at my church into thinking I'm now coping better with life's challenges, when in fact I've already given up and been totally defeated by life, and will almost certainly end my life before the year is up.

I'm sorry Jesus, maybe you would have healed me eventually, but I couldn't hold on until then. Please forgive me, have mercy on my broken soul.

Jesus is love, if he wasn't then he wouldn't be worthy of being a God for hundreds of millions of people. I've strayed pretty far away from the church despite being raised Catholic, but I've always thought that they are supposed to be a forgiving, loving, and understanding God. Look at this mess of a planet, maybe we can't blame it on God, but they can't blame us for not having the capacity to deal with all this insanity. God created some souls more sensitive than others, some of us feel more beauty but we also feel more pain and they won't judge us for that.

If it makes you feel better, maybe you can adjust parts of your testimony to be more realistic, invite your congregation to be more open about their feelings and the topic of mental health. Maybe you can talk to them about how we must not judge others for the pain they're going through because that's not what Jesus do. It's your testimony, not an advertisement for your church, nothing wrong with speaking from your heart.

 

[RinneOfAragon]

And it's all bullshit. Well, not all of it, but lots of it. I'm going to stand in front of my congregation and read people my story, about how I was depressed but then I became Christian and now my life has meaning. That isn't a lie, but the reality is that meaning isn't enough. I'm still depressed; in fact, I'm far more depressed than I was when I was an atheist, because back then I didn't have painful chronic physical health problems. I'm going to mislead everyone at my church into thinking I'm now coping better with life's challenges, when in fact I've already given up and been totally defeated by life, and will almost certainly end my life before the year is up.

I'm sorry Jesus, maybe you would have healed me eventually, but I couldn't hold on until then. Please forgive me, have mercy on my broken soul.

Wow, I can relate to this. I started going to church on and off now for three years. I very much struggle with doubt as one side of my family is atheist and to be honest I find it hard to have complete faith. I truly want to believe with every fibre of my being. I sometimes wonder if others have also been pressured to give a glowing testimony about god. The emphasis is on me to pray and know scripture so things will improve. Unfortunately like you, I'm more depressed than ever. Also been pressured to give a testimony. I can't hand on heart lie in front of everyone. They are not keen on me even taking medication. So that's another lie as I take antidepressants etc. And like you I desperately just want it to be over before the year is out. The mountain is just too great. I'm tired and overwhelmed.

I'm sending you lots of love and I pray you get a reprieve from all the pain.