Impulsive CTB

[none_of_your_biz]

Rationally i know i'm just in another BPD episode right now, but i really want to impulsively CTB right now
One part because i feel awful, not good enough, like a bad person and an even worse friend
Another part, which i'm really ashamed off, in hopes that my struggles are being taken serious by loved ones, to be cared for, to show that my previous attempts at asking for help being ignored cause damage.
But i'm also scared that if i attempt CTB again, people will take it as a personal attack or that it will cause loved ones even more trouble and difficulty's

So basically i'm now asking for help here, because it feels like i have no one else to turn to
Most ironic part is, that my friends wouldn't even notice that i'm dead until *at least* a week has passed

 

[Forever Sleep]

I'm sorry you are in this awful place. I understand feeling so frustrated to want to go or to wish that someone could help or see what you're going through.

Here is definitely a good place to be seen and vent. I'm sure alot of people here will sympathise.

 

[wisp]

The basic concept is wrong, given considering that as you say no one really cares about your pain and they belittle it, even consider it an affront. CTB is a personal thing, I have said this before in other threads, it has to be a genuine thing and you should not care what others would think.
This is the basic step to be able to continue on this path.