Venting Imperfect

[_Maya]

I feel so imperfect. Sure, not everyone is perfect. But i feel like I was really fucked up.
I'm ugly, have a scratchy high voice, and especially horrible personality.
I'm not even sure what else to say, i feel like i'm broken, and right now i am just dissociating. I feel like i'm not real, that nothing is real. The keyboard I'm typing on feels like its nothing, just the air and nothingness.
I feel so emotionally drained, i yearn for affection and yet at the same time every time i try to be loved by someone. Family, or friend. it goes wrong.
I used to have dreams and aspirations, but now i have none of that. I'm just existing at this point, some sort of mass full of flesh, bone, and muscle just on auto-pilot.
It feels like this is just my destiny, as if i was born with the sole purpose to be people's punching bags, and be just another number on a statistic graph.
Everything about me is just fucked, i wish i had died at birth.

 

[MelancholicMercury]

have a scratchy high voice, and especially horrible personality.

voices are something I get attached to. If you're comfortable, I'm actually quite curious to hear how you sound. I'm willing to show my voice as well. since I joined today, I don't have access to PMs and stuff just yet. but the offer is there!

of course I know that's a big ask either way. you don't have to do anything. I'm just not sure your voice is as bad as you think it is. I've lost a bit of the self consciousness I had over my voice, and that's thanks to having someone I'm comfortable talking to over voice. I used to be very mute and horrible at actually speaking. but It's one of the few things I've genuinely improved in

what about your personality do you not like?

I'm not even sure what else to say, i feel like i'm broken, and right now i am just dissociating. I feel like i'm not real, that nothing is real. The keyboard I'm typing on feels like its nothing, just the air and nothingness.

I get you. there's been many times I'm not really feeling, yet my hands are just typing. I'm not myself, but merely my words

I feel so emotionally drained, i yearn for affection and yet at the same time every time i try to be loved by someone. Family, or friend. it goes wrong.

If you're ok with talking about it I'm interested in your past experiences. I do want to hear them, but I can also take a guess and assume it boils down to being too much for people to handle, something I'm also very familiar with feeling

I used to have dreams and aspirations, but now i have none of that. I'm just existing at this point, some sort of mass full of flesh, bone, and muscle just on auto-pilot.
It feels like this is just my destiny, as if i was born with the sole purpose to be people's punching bags, and be just another number on a statistic graph.
Everything about me is just fucked, i wish i had died at birth.

what kinds of dreams? but, I completely understand feeling like you're just on auto pilot. I think I said the same thing one time
I don't want you to feel alone in this moment, so if you'd like to chat, I am here! I know I can't do much and I don't always know what to say, but I want to better understand

 

[Aprilwithcake]

no one makes the choice to be born least we can do is make the choice when to die

 

[Eedrah]

i feel you, i hate my voice too, and i think everything is actually not real, so