Story Impact of suicide on my kids

[simplesimon93]

I am ready to CTB, need work work out which exact method is best tbh, but I've 4 options really well planned, more on that later.

The one thing that is really making me upset is the thoughts of not seeing my kids grow up. They are so far the only reason I'm here this long but things have just become so bad I can't deal with this situation anymore. I'm on meds, done the therapy, seen my doctor many times and none of it works.

I don't want my kids to have to deal with this but I honestly can't live any more. The impact will be great on my family too I assume and my parents are really great but outside of family, I've nothing left. My health is going, my heart is damaged and mentally I'm drained.

Does anyone know how to deal with this guilt?

 

[Darkover]

If someone reaches a point where they feel like they can't go on, it doesn't mean they don't love their kids or that they don't want to be there for them. Often, they're just overwhelmed and feel trapped by their pain or circumstances. It sounds like you're feeling this way, too, and it's not a sign of weakness or failure. Sometimes, simply sharing what you're going through with others, even just voicing those thoughts, can be a step toward finding some relief.

 

[athiestjoe]

Welcome to the site.

I am so sorry to hear about the pain, suffering and struggle you are going with this decision. When you've been here a little longer you can unlock the search function for similar topics. There was one just the other day about this similar struggle.

I have 3 children. Is it unethical for me to CTB?

I think you fill find everyone here is outstandingly thoughtful, considerate, supporitve and can relate to the difficulties you might be facing. It is good to know you are considering the impact as it shows you are mindful of others. That must be a very difficult to decision so it is good you are thinking it through and not acting impulsively and consdering all things before making your own decision.

With whatever you decide, I hope you find peace & serenity.

 

[okuhvtuji]

I am ready to CTB, need work work out which exact method is best tbh, but I've 4 options really well planned, more on that later.

The one thing that is really making me upset is the thoughts of not seeing my kids grow up. They are so far the only reason I'm here this long but things have just become so bad I can't deal with this situation anymore. I'm on meds, done the therapy, seen my doctor many times and none of it works.

I don't want my kids to have to deal with this but I honestly can't live any more. The impact will be great on my family too I assume and my parents are really great but outside of family, I've nothing left. My health is going, my heart is damaged and mentally I'm drained.

Does anyone know how to deal with this guilt?

Write down a letter to clarify it's not their fault and that you love them and that you are going to miss them. Spend time with them, again, tell them you love them. Also make sure they are handed to people you trust when you'll be gone. You seem like a loving dad and I'm sad to know you'll be gone :(
but I mean do your best to ease the pain in those around you and that's it! I think that seeing you painfully consumed by a disease would be way worse.

 

[chester]

I am ready to CTB, need work work out which exact method is best tbh, but I've 4 options really well planned, more on that later.

The one thing that is really making me upset is the thoughts of not seeing my kids grow up. They are so far the only reason I'm here this long but things have just become so bad I can't deal with this situation anymore. I'm on meds, done the therapy, seen my doctor many times and none of it works.

I don't want my kids to have to deal with this but I honestly can't live any more. The impact will be great on my family too I assume and my parents are really great but outside of family, I've nothing left. My health is going, my heart is damaged and mentally I'm drained.

Does anyone know how to deal with this guilt?

I have no advice for you, but your post made me reflect on my situation. I joined this forum because the most important person in my life died right in front of me. Many times I thought to myself that maybe if we managed to have kids before she died, then they would keep me going and be the reason for me to want to keep on living, because right now I have nothing. I was actually envious of widows and widowers who had kids, I thought to myself "at least they're not completely alone and have someone to live for, someone to love, and I don't". Seems the grass is always greener on the other side.

Your suicide will do harm to them and there's no way around the guilt. No letter is going to make it right. That's the price for your suicide, but at the end of the day it's up to you to decide whether it's worth it or not.

 

[endofline2010]

I think it depends on the method, who finds your body, their ages, and what you say in your goodbye note (if you leave one).

Least impact will be something that looks accidental, and you never mention suicide to them or their other parent.

Worst impact would be something like them finding you with the back of your head on the wall.

I'm sure it will land somewhere in the middle.

 

[simplesimon93]

Yes it's s tough one, all of my methods will be suicide I believe, as I don't think it will look accidental. My children will suffer, they are young, very young. But I actually think the depression I'm in will kill me anyway from stress.

It's s very bad situation overall, no winners here no matter what. My children currently live 2 hours from me and in my situation I won't really be able to see them much as I've to move back with my parents as my housing situation has fallen through. It's just not a good situation for anyone at the moment. One of my options is CO in the house, I don't have any other place for it, so it's likely that they would find me or at least see me.

 

[endofline2010]

Yes it's s tough one, all of my methods will be suicide I believe, as I don't think it will look accidental. My children will suffer, they are young, very young. But I actually think the depression I'm in will kill me anyway from stress.

It's s very bad situation overall, no winners here no matter what. My children currently live 2 hours from me and in my situation I won't really be able to see them much as I've to move back with my parents as my housing situation has fallen through. It's just not a good situation for anyone at the moment. One of my options is CO in the house, I don't have any other place for it, so it's likely that they would find me or at least see me.

If you use CO at your parent's house, they will find you not the kids. Chances are, the other parent and grandparents will lie to the kids at least until they are quite a bit older.

I'm really sorry about your situation. Do you think just moving away from a while and trying a fresh start may help? It sounds like even if you're not sure, you don't have much to lose by trying.

 

[moody_cupcakes]

I'm going through these debates right now. I feel guilty for leaving them but I feel it's the right thing to do. How do I decide. What if it all got better? But what if it doesn't. What if I mess them up? But what if they miss me and would have rather I stayed. So much to decide... do you feel they would be better off without you? How much can you deal with for them? How much is selfish and how much is selfless..? Sometimes the best thing we can do is go.

 

[Unspoken7612]

"Better off without you" is bullshit. Once you start having those thoughts, it's a big red flag that you're too depressed to think straight, especially if you're thinking it about young children who love you. They will be worse off without you, 100%. I don't want to be too harsh because it's a very common thought for depressed people to have, but it is an incorrect one.

While I'd strongly advise a parent against committing suicide, ultimately it is still your decision to make, not anyone else's. But it should be made based on a fair assessment of the facts, rather than a biased assessment clouded by the depths of your depression. Your children will suffer immensely and will probably never fully get over it - whatever decision you make should be made with that in mind.

 

[Lost Magic]

Yeah, it will be hard on your them. I am not going to sugar coat it. You brought them into the world and it is your job to look after them! It's completley up to you, though, but can't you find the strength to go on for the sake of your kids?

 

[simplesimon93]

Its not that easy really but it's a thought I'm still struggling with...alive I'm not any good for them, financially I'm in trouble, dead the family becomes secured...alive I'm falling apart, stressed, health issues, no fight left. Dead I'm no longer a burden...