Venting I'm tired

[OpalCheesecake]

I'm just a lil tired. This whole suicidal ideation thing has been on and off since I was 14-16 (I'm 21 now). I've been dealing with it this time for about 4 months. I can't keep getting better only to know I'm going to get back to this point so I think this time I'm going to do it. Like a mercy kill on myself so I can stop this cycle. I have adult money, I have the time, I just have to figure out how to get the stuff I need.

 

[AnonGermany]

I can't keep getting better only to know I'm going to get back to this point

This is one of the points that just seem to get stronger and stronger every single time you've "beaten the current phase". You already know how much work is ahead of you to "get better temporarily", and that knowledge that you will be very likely back to that exact same thought process in an unknown time frame just rips yourself apart even more. It just kills every kind of motivation that you once had to fight this (especially after already fighting it again and again for so many years).

No wonder you are tired. It is very very exhausting on top of keeping the mask on for "outside of the apartment".

 

[Holu]

This is probably the best public place to get that information so your in the right place.

I'll post some general advice you could have found with minimum browsing but still nice.

Resources

SN Godsend

If you need anything let us know. This is largely a friendly community

 

[Pidgeons_Sparrows]

I'm just a lil tired. This whole suicidal ideation thing has been on and off since I was 14-16 (I'm 21 now). I've been dealing with it this time for about 4 months. I can't keep getting better only to know I'm going to get back to this point so I think this time I'm going to do it. Like a mercy kill on myself so I can stop this cycle. I have adult money, I have the time, I just have to figure out how to get the stuff I need.

Im tired too. I have everything in place the last thing left to do is order my SN and do it but i keep stalling and lying to myself. Im scared and upset and cant accept that i just wont ever have access to the good parts of life that most others seem to.

 

[Gaga786]

I really relate to this.Each time it comes back stronger than ever and im tired of fighting.Somehow im like lets stall it, but I know for a fact it won't change anything

 

[OpalCheesecake]

sources

SN Godsend

If you need anything let us know. This is largely a friendly community

Thank you for the godsend link. I really appreciate how genuinely kind everyone in this community seems to be

 

[locked*n*loaded]

I can relate with the tiredness. I'm just tired of it all.

 

[lokabe82]

I understand where you're coming from, friend and I'm sorry. It's a hard realization to come to

 

[FuneralCry]

I understand feeling so tired of existing here, in my case only the true peace of eternal sleep could ever offer relief for me. But anyway best wishes with your plans.