I'm struggling again.
Last year, I wanted and gathered SN with the aims of CTB.
I managed to get outside that space to a plan where I was mildly depressed but having very little suicidal ideation. It took a lot of work and healing.
I got into another relationship and im back in this space again. It's not the relationship itself, it's the things like arguing and fear of being cheated on again that add to everything else.
I initiated a breakup (I felt I had to because we were arguing so much and it was making me feel so worthless) and we spoke about how I need it for my mental health to improve. He understood and was helpful for a bit but since it's descended into more arguments and he thinks I need professional help. I don't want help and I've explained this to him.
we've stopped speaking, and im really sad. I asked him to give me 30 days of space to get better but really it's 30 days so that he can actually feel less attached to me. I want him in my life but once someone knows you're suicidal, you can't be sure that they are there because they love you and want to be there or because they are scared you may CTB and that they could have prevented it. So by forcing space away from me, I can't be called manipulative, or controlling or anything else they used to describe suicidal people who mentioned that they're not super happy with life.
Feel like I can't reach out to any of my friends and family, because they will see me as an attention seeker and I feel ashamed that I'm back here again.
At this stage, I feel like the only thing I can do is actually CTB, because there's nobody I can talk to about this and I feel so lonely. I don't wanna live like this.
I need to doublecheck that the SN I have is the right type. Apart from that, I have everything else needed from Stans guide. I'm just really scared.
Last year, I wanted and gathered SN with the aims of CTB.
I managed to get outside that space to a plan where I was mildly depressed but having very little suicidal ideation. It took a lot of work and healing.
I got into another relationship and im back in this space again. It's not the relationship itself, it's the things like arguing and fear of being cheated on again that add to everything else.
I initiated a breakup (I felt I had to because we were arguing so much and it was making me feel so worthless) and we spoke about how I need it for my mental health to improve. He understood and was helpful for a bit but since it's descended into more arguments and he thinks I need professional help. I don't want help and I've explained this to him.
we've stopped speaking, and im really sad. I asked him to give me 30 days of space to get better but really it's 30 days so that he can actually feel less attached to me. I want him in my life but once someone knows you're suicidal, you can't be sure that they are there because they love you and want to be there or because they are scared you may CTB and that they could have prevented it. So by forcing space away from me, I can't be called manipulative, or controlling or anything else they used to describe suicidal people who mentioned that they're not super happy with life.
Feel like I can't reach out to any of my friends and family, because they will see me as an attention seeker and I feel ashamed that I'm back here again.
At this stage, I feel like the only thing I can do is actually CTB, because there's nobody I can talk to about this and I feel so lonely. I don't wanna live like this.
I need to doublecheck that the SN I have is the right type. Apart from that, I have everything else needed from Stans guide. I'm just really scared.
