i'm still suicidal, btw

[peachplushes]

Hi gang,

I'm marked as a new member, but I've had an account for a bit; I've just been a lurker. I've been suicidal since I was a kid (about nine), and now I'm in my 20s. I've had a few failed attempts. I've realized that even if good things happen to me, I make friends, or people find me likable, I can't fundamentally change who I am. I am five feet tall, male, overweight, and a borderline transgender incel. I pretend to be normal and likeable during the day, and I push my incel-type ideas down, but then I sit down with myself and realize I'm still who I am. I can pretend all that I want, but I am still a transgender incel. Nothing is going to change that I have giant tits and a vagina. Nothing is going to change that I look and act gay, and everyone thinks I'm gay. Nothing is going to change the fact that I'll never be a man. I'm stealth, and whenever anyone finds me out, I feel like I've just been shot. I get they/themed a lot anyway. I don't think there is any point to life if I'll never be a man or never be someone worthy of love, no matter what I do. I'm tired of being seen as a faggot when I don't even do anything wrong. There is no changing what I am or what I look like, and it makes me so angry. I want to blame someone (whether it's God or my parents or the universe or my ancestors), but I always draw a blank. If I had a gun, I'd shoot myself.

Transness isn't normal, no matter what anyone tells you. It isn't beautiful or good. It's inherently disgusting and abnormal, and no one should be trans, period.

 

[Warum]

(...)

Transness isn't normal, no matter what anyone tells you. It isn't beautiful or good. It's inherently disgusting and abnormal, and no one should be trans, period.

That is not true; wanting to be your true self is not disgusting.

 

[nitritegirl]

yeah what the fuck is that last paragraph.

if you hate being trans that's fine, i hate being trans too, but don't spread your internal hatred to other trans people yk. that's a you problem, don't put others down because of it.

i also want to ctb over being trans, but i will never say other trans people should do the same or that they shouldn't be trans. if other trans people are able to live their lives normally i'm happy for them. i just can't see how i can do the same as they do. that's a me problem.

 

[egyptian_baddie]

Transness isn't normal, no matter what anyone tells you. It isn't beautiful or good. It's inherently disgusting and abnormal, and no one should be trans, period.

I am sorry for what you are going through and hope life gets better for you but saying that is NOT okay. I'm sorry that you hate yourself or can't accept yourself and hopefully one day you can but calling it disgusting is honestly crossing the line , many trans people are successful and overall good people , they are just as normal as other people. dont let bigotry and hate get to you

 

[lilb0wpeep]

I hope that one day you are able to get over the shame you carry. It's not easy and there are many layers but I recommend you start working on it now, as it will only make your life and the world around you better.
I hope you are able to build confidence in who you are and who you will become. As well as being able to befriend the person you've once been. Comfort and accept your 9 year old self and do so without the shame, guilt, and reprimanding. You could become somebody greater and happier than you've ever thought, but it starts with kindness, acceptance, and true accountability.