KillingPain267
Visionary
- Apr 15, 2024
- 2,088
We are all imperfect, all make mistakes, so why would anyone dare impose themselves on others. Whatever happened to humility, tolerance, forgiveness and second, third, hundreds of chances?
I guess it depends what someone has done. What triggered their behaviour. How intrinsic is it to their very nature.
Should a domestic abuse victim forgive time after time, make or accept the excuses they are given and, keep going back for more? Why? Basically just wait around to be abused and possibly murdered if it's that bad? I've actually had friends who did that shit. They ended up with broken bones. It wouldn't actually surprise me if they ended up murdered.
Why would we keep enabling bad behaviour? Surely, it's something that needs to be changed. Part of the reason we feel motivated to change is because we recognise that our behaviour has offended someone. They may say something that makes us fear we might lose them. That gives us the motivation to change.
Even to a lessor extent, it's not like I did anything massively heinous but, a friend once made it obvious I was far too clingy. It hurt like hell at the time but, it was an important lesson to learn. The majority of people probably won't or can't be there for us on that level. It gave me signals to pull away and try to regulate my emotions independently. I'd be f*cked if I couldn't do that now! We need to know when we're doing unwanted behaviour and, we need to change it- if we want to keep our relationships reasonably happy.
If we just keep pretending that a person's behaviour doesn't bother us- how long will that false sense of serenity last? It isn't even a genuine relationship if we can't be honest with one another.
As for judgement- it will depend on what they've done. How malicious it was. How we judge their mind to work- we could be wrong- of course.
But, we also make judgements in order to protect ourselves. Once, a friend had offered for us to spend Christmas together. I'm usually alone. I stupidly really started to look forward to it and then- at the last moment, they changed their mind. Which of course, is their right. But, they are now seen as unreliable in my mind. I'm usually of two minds about seeing people anyway and now, I have no desire to see people at all. So, I don't think we've done anything since. Why keep opening yourself up to disappointment? For their sake? What about your feelings though?
I understand that your sympathy is with the (supposed) perpetrator. But, the other person suffers too. Arguably, sometimes more. Why should they keep going back to be hurt? Why do you imagine they have enough strength and resilience to do that? To keep getting abused one way or another- just so this other person feels better. We are indeed all human. Not punch bags!
We need to meet half way I think- some of the time. We might need time to stop behaving in certain ways. In which case, the hope would be our nearest and dearest are patient and supportive to us during that time.
I wonder if we're so very different to animals/ pets though. My friend's cat would bite them when she was hungry. They would feed her to stop her biting them. Doesn't take a genius to work out that- if you reinforce or don't challenge unwanted behaviour, it will continue.
Should a domestic abuse victim forgive time after time, make or accept the excuses they are given and, keep going back for more? Why? Basically just wait around to be abused and possibly murdered if it's that bad? I've actually had friends who did that shit. They ended up with broken bones. It wouldn't actually surprise me if they ended up murdered.
Why would we keep enabling bad behaviour? Surely, it's something that needs to be changed. Part of the reason we feel motivated to change is because we recognise that our behaviour has offended someone. They may say something that makes us fear we might lose them. That gives us the motivation to change.
Even to a lessor extent, it's not like I did anything massively heinous but, a friend once made it obvious I was far too clingy. It hurt like hell at the time but, it was an important lesson to learn. The majority of people probably won't or can't be there for us on that level. It gave me signals to pull away and try to regulate my emotions independently. I'd be f*cked if I couldn't do that now! We need to know when we're doing unwanted behaviour and, we need to change it- if we want to keep our relationships reasonably happy.
If we just keep pretending that a person's behaviour doesn't bother us- how long will that false sense of serenity last? It isn't even a genuine relationship if we can't be honest with one another.
As for judgement- it will depend on what they've done. How malicious it was. How we judge their mind to work- we could be wrong- of course.
But, we also make judgements in order to protect ourselves. Once, a friend had offered for us to spend Christmas together. I'm usually alone. I stupidly really started to look forward to it and then- at the last moment, they changed their mind. Which of course, is their right. But, they are now seen as unreliable in my mind. I'm usually of two minds about seeing people anyway and now, I have no desire to see people at all. So, I don't think we've done anything since. Why keep opening yourself up to disappointment? For their sake? What about your feelings though?
I understand that your sympathy is with the (supposed) perpetrator. But, the other person suffers too. Arguably, sometimes more. Why should they keep going back to be hurt? Why do you imagine they have enough strength and resilience to do that? To keep getting abused one way or another- just so this other person feels better. We are indeed all human. Not punch bags!
We need to meet half way I think- some of the time. We might need time to stop behaving in certain ways. In which case, the hope would be our nearest and dearest are patient and supportive to us during that time.
I wonder if we're so very different to animals/ pets though. My friend's cat would bite them when she was hungry. They would feed her to stop her biting them. Doesn't take a genius to work out that- if you reinforce or don't challenge unwanted behaviour, it will continue.
