I wanna start off and apologize, I know I vent a lot here about the same thing (my ex and my current situation with her) but it's made me experience so much pain, and I know I post a lot here, but I don't feel judged here. I've posted other places and some people have assumed I automatically did something wrong or something. I trust people here.
All I can think of right now is the pain and uncertainty of it all. The whole situation feels so off. I've called her maybe like 2 more times since I last posted here. Apparently she's dealing with her own issues as well. For one, his family hates her. Secondly, she still has feelings for me but wants to give him a fair chance, sounds like an oxymoron to me, because I don't understand how you can even give someone a fair chance when you have feelings for someone else. Not that I feel bad for him, he's talked shit about me to her and she's told me the stuff he's said (this isn't a situation where she's lying, he's done this while we were together as well), he's said things like "If we break up, promise you won't go back to him(me)" and "I regret ever letting you get with him"
One call we had was terrible because I wasn't in a great mood because I just got over being sick, and she hadn't studied for a test she was stressing over and we argued a little, but I asked her to call back after she studied and we apologized. But she admitted she wanted me to hate her. Somehow, in her mind, if I hate her, it helps me love myself? That was her logic at least.
I don't quite know how to feel, she admitted she wants to give me another chance and doesn't see a future with him. It's not like a situation where I'm waiting for her, I just genuinely have no interest in anyone else or feel ready for a new relationship. I've just been getting so many mixed signals from her, and maybe it's not intentional, I imagine there's an internal conflict going on in her head, she said she worried about me committing every single day. She still hasn't deleted our photos, even told her current boyfriend to stay off her photos. She talks to me and deletes the messages.
It's just a genuinely sticky situation. If I hated her or didn't feel anything for her, I would cut her off and be done with it but I don't know, I've been friends with her much longer than we were together. She was my best friend for 4 years and we've known each other for like 5 years. I miss her so much daily, and it hurts. I have a ton of uncertainty which in turn causes anxiety. My friend got pissed at me because I don't want to cut her off, but for me it isn't that easy. I don't know, I know my situation is mild and it could be much worse, but it's overwhelming for me.
Feel free to offer advice if you want, that isn't what this was meant for, I just mainly wanted a place to vent where real people are instead of my journal.
All I can think of right now is the pain and uncertainty of it all. The whole situation feels so off. I've called her maybe like 2 more times since I last posted here. Apparently she's dealing with her own issues as well. For one, his family hates her. Secondly, she still has feelings for me but wants to give him a fair chance, sounds like an oxymoron to me, because I don't understand how you can even give someone a fair chance when you have feelings for someone else. Not that I feel bad for him, he's talked shit about me to her and she's told me the stuff he's said (this isn't a situation where she's lying, he's done this while we were together as well), he's said things like "If we break up, promise you won't go back to him(me)" and "I regret ever letting you get with him"
One call we had was terrible because I wasn't in a great mood because I just got over being sick, and she hadn't studied for a test she was stressing over and we argued a little, but I asked her to call back after she studied and we apologized. But she admitted she wanted me to hate her. Somehow, in her mind, if I hate her, it helps me love myself? That was her logic at least.
I don't quite know how to feel, she admitted she wants to give me another chance and doesn't see a future with him. It's not like a situation where I'm waiting for her, I just genuinely have no interest in anyone else or feel ready for a new relationship. I've just been getting so many mixed signals from her, and maybe it's not intentional, I imagine there's an internal conflict going on in her head, she said she worried about me committing every single day. She still hasn't deleted our photos, even told her current boyfriend to stay off her photos. She talks to me and deletes the messages.
It's just a genuinely sticky situation. If I hated her or didn't feel anything for her, I would cut her off and be done with it but I don't know, I've been friends with her much longer than we were together. She was my best friend for 4 years and we've known each other for like 5 years. I miss her so much daily, and it hurts. I have a ton of uncertainty which in turn causes anxiety. My friend got pissed at me because I don't want to cut her off, but for me it isn't that easy. I don't know, I know my situation is mild and it could be much worse, but it's overwhelming for me.
Feel free to offer advice if you want, that isn't what this was meant for, I just mainly wanted a place to vent where real people are instead of my journal.
