HotToGoCold
Member
- Jul 5, 2025
- 10
Well. I guess last night was technically another failed suicide attempt. I tried to overdose on hydroxyzine and I haven't been able to get out of bed. I have to see my mom after my psychiatrist appointment because I missed seeing her on mother's day.
Since creating this account last year it's so disappointing to see that messages I sent last still ring true today.
I haven't been the same since a breakup I had in June of 2025. I still have delusions that my ex is with my ex best friend that would constantly hang out with us. I still have delusions of them knowing my activity online. I have to fight myself to not do any crazy things, and it's "worked" for people who are around me. If they knew the inside of my head I would be immediately disowned by anyone who knew me Im sure.
When people say that "you seem to be doing better" I just smile and say "I think so yeah!". Because it always feels like a game of pretend. Things being good are only temporary in my life.
I just feel like such a burden and failure, like all I have done is make people dislike me, and I don't blame them for not liking me. I wouldn't be too fond of someone if they were always moping around.
I think the reason Im messaging here about this is because I don't have the heart to tell my family or friends. I can't live with scaring them again and again.
The child in my head just wants a hug but I know it's enabling. I'm so tired.
I think Im slipping into another episode and this time Im going to attempt to be quiet to my friends and family
Since creating this account last year it's so disappointing to see that messages I sent last still ring true today.
I haven't been the same since a breakup I had in June of 2025. I still have delusions that my ex is with my ex best friend that would constantly hang out with us. I still have delusions of them knowing my activity online. I have to fight myself to not do any crazy things, and it's "worked" for people who are around me. If they knew the inside of my head I would be immediately disowned by anyone who knew me Im sure.
When people say that "you seem to be doing better" I just smile and say "I think so yeah!". Because it always feels like a game of pretend. Things being good are only temporary in my life.
I just feel like such a burden and failure, like all I have done is make people dislike me, and I don't blame them for not liking me. I wouldn't be too fond of someone if they were always moping around.
I think the reason Im messaging here about this is because I don't have the heart to tell my family or friends. I can't live with scaring them again and again.
The child in my head just wants a hug but I know it's enabling. I'm so tired.
I think Im slipping into another episode and this time Im going to attempt to be quiet to my friends and family
